FINANCIAL ADVISOR FOR A DAY

They are announcing our bonus today on a webcast. I'm debating several ways to spend it this year, but I just can't make up my mind. Sounds like a job for my imaginary readers!

How should I spend my bonus?

Vegas, baby! No load mutual funds, whatever the hell they are. Down payment on a nice big Hummer. Full payment on a nice big hummer. Plasma TV with TiVo, to catch all future wardrobe malfunctions. Complete DVD collection of "Yes Dear" Give it to the poor. Just kidding. Open offshore subsidiary of TCP in the Caymans. Private concert by Baltimora. Joke writer.

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NOW SHOWING ON THE BIOGRAPHY CHANNEL, "HUCKLEBERRY FINN"

The Sci-Fi Channel has a reality show. Isn't the "Fi" part short for "fiction"? Oh, right, it's a reality TV show.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE

Click here to find out what I found out this weekend.