Ok, so I'm really bored, and I decided to actually do this. I'm here in Alaska, somewhere on the Kenai Peninsula, which is...a place (as opposed to a thing or a person).I'm living in a mostly empty rental house that I have furnished with a 42" HDTV, an old leather chair and nightstand that I bought at a thrift store, a TV stand and lamp that I bought at a garage sale, and a bed that I bought from some guy. I have other furniture coming from home, but that's all I have for now.
This particular part of Alaska is full of displaced white flotsam from all over the country, as far as I can surmise. They are mostly western and southern-born, religious, conservative, and armed, probably even at the Safeway. The ones that are not religious appear to consume enough methamphetamine to allow Gus Fring to open up a swath of Los Pollos Hermanos franchises. Then there the ones who find themselves mired here either by birth or by circumstance (you know, like me), and who seem pleasant enough.
The first couple of weeks here were spent equipping the place and taking care of loose ends. I started by buying an SUV from a pretty young nurse with a fake tan and elaborate fingernails, who is either a master criminal or just completely frazzled and disorganized. I'm hoping for the latter. She has yet to provide me with the title to the vehicle I "bought" from her. I have no idea if I'm going to have to turn myself into the police for possessing stolen property, or if she will finally produce the document at some point. She said she was taking a vacation to Hawaii. I'm not sure if she booked that before or after I gave her a check for $6,000. In any event, the truck has been running well. I hope I get to keep it.
After that, I bought all the furniture. Garage sales here are like tween concerts elsewhere. The word goes out on the internet, and blue-haired ladies seeking deals and good ole boys driving panel trucks appear en masse like so many screaming girls at a Justin Bieber show. There isn't much else to do, and times are tough. I was fortunate to get the TV stand and lamp because I left work and showed up two minutes after the sale started.
The bed was much easier, although it was advertised as a queen size and was really a full size that they had welded an extension onto. They do stuff like that up here. Nearly everyone of any means has a gigantic shop with a modest house attached.
When I picked up the leather chair, upon which I am sitting right now, the guy at the thrift shop said, "That's a nice chair. I eat my lunch on that every day." I said, "I'm sorry." He said, "It's ok, it's time for it to go." I still feel sad for the guy. I hope someone dropped off a decent chair for him. After I get my furniture from home, this chair is going in the bedroom, and I might never sit on it again. When TCP's Alaska is up, I'll see if that guy wants it back. He'll be pretty thin by then if he skips lunch for 18 months.
Just before moving in, I dropped about $500 at Wal-Mart. What can you get at Wal-Mart for $500? Not that much in Alaska. I have some pots and pans, some bedding, some miscellaneous kitchen and bathroom stuff, and some groceries. I had to return two different wireless keyboards that weren't compatible with my anti-deluvian work laptop (XP Service Pack 2 - those were the times of our lives!). I bought one on-line, and as it turns out, I think I was just plugging the USB thingy into the wrong port.
Also just prior to moving in, I had the internet and DirecTV installed. The cable company woman who appeared at my house to install the cable had no clue how to get cable to anyplace in the house, and she ended up having to drill a hole in the wall to the garage, where the cable modem and wireless router are now sitting. I had to call the landlord to get permission, and he gave the OK while simultaneously doing his job as an air traffic controller landing planes on the Big Island in Hawaii. I was envisioning the FailBlog headline "FAA investigates plane crash in Hawaii caused by pesky cable modem in Alaska."
The DirecTV guy was in and out comparatively quickly, but not before clogging up the guest toilet with yesterday's dinner. That was nice.
Now I have arrived at the long, slow portion of my stay here where nothing much will be happening. Fortunately, summer is approaching, and I'm hoping that the tourists will liven the place up.
That's all for now. I'll write more if I absolutely have to.
This particular part of Alaska is full of displaced white flotsam from all over the country, as far as I can surmise. They are mostly western and southern-born, religious, conservative, and armed, probably even at the Safeway. The ones that are not religious appear to consume enough methamphetamine to allow Gus Fring to open up a swath of Los Pollos Hermanos franchises. Then there the ones who find themselves mired here either by birth or by circumstance (you know, like me), and who seem pleasant enough.
The first couple of weeks here were spent equipping the place and taking care of loose ends. I started by buying an SUV from a pretty young nurse with a fake tan and elaborate fingernails, who is either a master criminal or just completely frazzled and disorganized. I'm hoping for the latter. She has yet to provide me with the title to the vehicle I "bought" from her. I have no idea if I'm going to have to turn myself into the police for possessing stolen property, or if she will finally produce the document at some point. She said she was taking a vacation to Hawaii. I'm not sure if she booked that before or after I gave her a check for $6,000. In any event, the truck has been running well. I hope I get to keep it.
After that, I bought all the furniture. Garage sales here are like tween concerts elsewhere. The word goes out on the internet, and blue-haired ladies seeking deals and good ole boys driving panel trucks appear en masse like so many screaming girls at a Justin Bieber show. There isn't much else to do, and times are tough. I was fortunate to get the TV stand and lamp because I left work and showed up two minutes after the sale started.
The bed was much easier, although it was advertised as a queen size and was really a full size that they had welded an extension onto. They do stuff like that up here. Nearly everyone of any means has a gigantic shop with a modest house attached.
When I picked up the leather chair, upon which I am sitting right now, the guy at the thrift shop said, "That's a nice chair. I eat my lunch on that every day." I said, "I'm sorry." He said, "It's ok, it's time for it to go." I still feel sad for the guy. I hope someone dropped off a decent chair for him. After I get my furniture from home, this chair is going in the bedroom, and I might never sit on it again. When TCP's Alaska is up, I'll see if that guy wants it back. He'll be pretty thin by then if he skips lunch for 18 months.
Just before moving in, I dropped about $500 at Wal-Mart. What can you get at Wal-Mart for $500? Not that much in Alaska. I have some pots and pans, some bedding, some miscellaneous kitchen and bathroom stuff, and some groceries. I had to return two different wireless keyboards that weren't compatible with my anti-deluvian work laptop (XP Service Pack 2 - those were the times of our lives!). I bought one on-line, and as it turns out, I think I was just plugging the USB thingy into the wrong port.
Also just prior to moving in, I had the internet and DirecTV installed. The cable company woman who appeared at my house to install the cable had no clue how to get cable to anyplace in the house, and she ended up having to drill a hole in the wall to the garage, where the cable modem and wireless router are now sitting. I had to call the landlord to get permission, and he gave the OK while simultaneously doing his job as an air traffic controller landing planes on the Big Island in Hawaii. I was envisioning the FailBlog headline "FAA investigates plane crash in Hawaii caused by pesky cable modem in Alaska."
The DirecTV guy was in and out comparatively quickly, but not before clogging up the guest toilet with yesterday's dinner. That was nice.
Now I have arrived at the long, slow portion of my stay here where nothing much will be happening. Fortunately, summer is approaching, and I'm hoping that the tourists will liven the place up.
That's all for now. I'll write more if I absolutely have to.