THAT CAN'T BE GOOD

I knew we were in an economic crisis, but I had no idea it was affecting the sun! Does this mean we can forget about global warming now?

A.B.B. - BARACK OBAMA

Good luck and Godspeed, President-Elect Obama. You're gonna need it.

ANOTHER DAY ON THE ROCK

I'm writing in here only because it's too early to go to bed. I'm in Hawaii, and there is nothing on television. All the college football games are over, the ALCS Game 6 is done, and regular TV on Oceanic Time Warner Cable (are we all on a giant houseboat or something?) is hopeless. There is this one show worth watching called "Wahine Blue", on the Ocean Network, which consists almost entirely of footage of young local girls surfing, but it's not on right now. And I can only watch it so much, if you know what I mean.

I think I'll head over to Hulu and watch a few episodes of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". In glorious Lo-Def, with constant buffering because of my crappy Internet connection. I love this job!

A.B.B. 20

I think I have that right. It's been a while since I did an A.B.B., and not much has happened...har! It's about two hours before I have to go to bed, and I have nothing else to do, so let's have a look at the race. Wow, 20 days. Freaking unbelievable.

BARACK OBAMA

I think he's gonna win. I will probably blow it for him by publishing this, but he's successfully navigated the Scylla, Charybdis, and whatever the third debate can be compared to (the Santa Maria?), and he didn't start foaming at the mouth or chanting Koran verses, so he's the man to beat. Everybody in the media is trotting out the Bradley Effect, which was specious to begin with, and saying that white people will get the willies when they hit the voting booth, but I'm not buying it. I sure didn't get even one willy (willie?), and trust me, I am very, very white - almost ghostly. I can't believe he's ahead in Ohio AND Florida, and he might even have a shot in West By Gosh Virginia ("Almost Heavin'") , as my friend and former Mountaineer Stater Ziggy liked to say.

JOHN MCCAIN

Poor John. He's not a bad guy, and he's got a great sense of humor, but events have overtaken him. He was revealed as the incompetent leader he is when he a) picked Sarah "The Moose Whisperer" Palin as his running mate, and b) called a time-out (and ducked David Letterman) when the banking system tanked. Either or perhaps both of those choices will go down in history, like Michael Dukakis' snoopy helmet, as the turning point in what might have been a winning effort. I'm sorry, John. Go back to the Senate, and keep up that maverick spirit. And stay out of the Arizona sun, for crying out loud, you with the 47 melanomas.

Sarah, my dear, you should go back to Alaska and not come back until you're fully baked.

There you have it. Barring an October/very early November surprise (and you know the GOP will try their damnedest), that's it for A.B.B. I'll be back on November 5th, or whenever the Republican lawyers give up the fight (God forbid), to proclaim who the Anybody is.

THE FRANCHISE

Texas actually sent me my absentee ballot. I take back every nasty thing I ever said about them. Except for the part about George W. Bush and Karla Faye Tucker, and anything Clayton Williams ever said. And the fact that they are overrun with stinking Aggies. But other than that, they're OK in my book.

I have voted. So don't blame me.

HEY, IT'S WORKING

So, I didn't fail the test, obviously. I'm glad I gave up trying to chronicle the Mets' inevitable collapse, although the real reason I abruptly stopped blogging was that my domain name was discovered by a certain other person that I live with. I have dropped the domain name, and we're flying with the slash now, baby.

Yes, that means NO ONE will ever find this little journal, but that's cool. I don't intend to ever add much to it. It'll be pretty much back to normal, where entries will come when you least expect them, or want them. And since you won't be reading them anyway, what difference does it make?

See you (probably) never. Man, Russell Martin looks so much like Turtle.

THIS IS ONLY A TEST

I'm testing. I think I'll fail.

CAN ANYONE HERE CLOSE THIS GAME?

I just got back from work, and I'm sitting in the hotel lounge while my room is being cleaned. I almost escaped at about 1:45 pm, but I kept getting sucked back in, and missed today's entire game. I see that the Mets won, but only because they happened to be playing the wretched Padres.

Chase Headley started the scoring in the 2nd with his second homer in as many at-bats, this one off Johan. You'll recall the last one was off Eddie "Never-ever-allowed-a-homer-oh-never mind" Kunz. The Mets scratched across a couple of tallies in the 4th on RBI singles by Danny Murphy and Nick Evans. The lead was extended to 3-1 in the 6th on an Evans sac fly scoring Murphy.

The Padres got one of those annoying, foreshadowing, ticky-tack runs in the 8th off Santana, Duaner Sanchez, and Pedro Feliciano. Actually, it should have been much worse, but Joe Smith relieved Feliciano and got a huge double play ball from Kevin Kouzmanoff to keep it to only one run.

Scottie Schoeneweis started the 9th, apparently because the switch-hitting Headley was leading off. Headley flied out, but then new Met Killer Jody Gerut stepped up and hit his third homer of the series to tie the game at 3-3. Aaron Heilman was summoned at that point, because we all know Eddie Kunz gives up a home run in EVERY game he pitches. With the pressure off, Heilman easily retired the final two hitters to give the Mets a chance to win it in the 9th.

Former Met Heath Bell relieved for San Diego. I still don't get why you wouldn't use your closer on the road in this situation. It seems to be a universal rule that all managers follow, but it doesn't make sense, and I've seen it come up wrong on numerous occasions. I say, get the three outs in the 9th, try to go ahead in the 10th, and then take your chances. The conventional wisdom is take your chances in the 9th, then try to go ahead in the 10th and have the closer ready to finish things off. But if the 9th inning guy blows it, you've left your best bullet in the chamber. Why would you send up a lesser pitcher with the game tied instead of possibly sending him in there with a lead? I'd rather give him a one-run cushion. If he gives up one run, you are still playing. In the conventional wisdom, if he gives up a run, you lose. Or, you could let your closer even pitch another inning if he feels good.

In any event, Heath Bell got two outs before serving up a fat one to David Wright, who atoned for yesterday's error with a two-run homer to win the ball game. Meanwhile, Trevor Hoffman didn't break a sweat.

Florida has beaten the Phillies, and the Mets are now two games out. And Eddie Kunz has allowed one career home run.

NEVER ENDING

No sooner than Howie Rose had mentioned that new Mets reliever phenom Eddie Kunz had never yielded a home run in his two-year professional career, Chase Headley hit one into the Flushing night. Some things you need to keep to yourself, Howie.

Well, this is the Majors, and Kunz's feat had been achieved in what is quite aptly called the Minors. Looking at the Mets lineup lately, there appear to be more players that belong in the latter rather than the former, and even though the entire Padres team should be toiling in the Pacific Coast League, they still beat the Mets 4-2.

Jody Gerut repeated his feat from his previous at-bat off Aaron Heilman and homered on the first pitch from Petey to make it 1-0. Brian Giles thought that looked like fun and hit an even longer homer one batter later to make it 2-0. The Mets answered with a triple by Danny Murphy, who may be a fugitive of Boston's Irish mafia a la "The Departed", and a David Wright grounder mishandled by second baseman Edgar Gonzalez. New York tied it at 2-2 in the 5th when Murphy, who patiently waited for Jose Reyes to steal second, smacked a single into right to score Jose. I was driving back from my brother's house in Rhode Island when this happened, and it was right about then that Howie Rose opened his big fat yap about Eddie Kunz.

I arrived at my hotel right about the time the Padres took the lead for good. Pedro Feliciano had relieved Petey in the 7th with Luis Rodriguez on third, and nearly escaped from the jam after striking out Gerut. He got Giles to ground to third, but Wright botched the play and Rodriguez scored. I didn't hear what happened because of the static on WFAN, but after hearing that Wright made yet another error, I wasn't surprised. I tried to follow the rest of the game on ESPN GameCast, but the crappy hotel internet connection wouldn't allow it. The first thing I did when I got up morning was to check the line to see if Kunz had in fact given up a homer. Nice one, Howie.

Man, I can't wait to get home. Red Sox Nation is totally screwing with my Mets fandom mojo. The Phillies of course won, so now we're three back again. We finish up with the Padres with an afternoon game before hosting Florida over the weekend. We need this game, Johan. And Eddie Kunz has now allowed a home run in EVERY GAME he's ever pitched in the Majors. There, I said it.

MEDICAL BILL

Uh-oh. Billy Wagner is on the 15-day DL with arm problems. They still beat the atrocious San Diego Padres last night 6-5, but only because Aaron Heilman wasn't allowed to blow his first chance to finish a game in Billy's absence. Scottie Schoeneweis had to do the honors after Heilman allowed yet another multi-run homer, this time a three-run job by Jody Gerut. Even so, Jerry Manuel has proclaimed Heilman the closer for the indefinite future. We are doomed.

In better news, Fernando Tatis hit two homers last night, and we needed both of them, plus a couple of tack-on runs driven home by Danny Murphy and Nick Evans. Meanwhile, while guys making near the minimum win games, Omar is probably trying to figure out how to pay Luis Castillo even more money.

The Phillies were smoked by the Marlins, so everybody moved up a game. We're two back, with two left against the Pads. The Phils have a three-game set this weekend with the Pirates, who have exchanged the Jolly Roger for a white flag for 2008 after some high profile trades, but then have to travel to the West Coast. We get Florida at home, a makeup game with the Bucs, the Nats in Washington, and then a series at Pittsburgh. Now, if we had a closer, we could maybe make up some ground. You have to know Omar is thinking, "Is Armando Benitez available?"

BROCKTON BLUES

I go to Brockton, MA, and the Mets start sucking again. Here's the rundown:

Monday: Mets take a 3-2 lead into the 8th, and Joe Smith and Scottie Schoeneweis decide that they don't want to win today. Five runs later, the Mets don't.

Tuesday: Good Oliver shows up and stymies the Marlins, Mets win 4-1. This will be the last good Mets game for a while. I'm still waiting, in fact.

Wednesday: Marlins 7, Mets 5. Mike Pelfrey gives up a 5-spot in the 4th, and the Mets never quite recover.

Friday: Oh, brother. The Mets load the bases with none out against the Ed Wade Dis-Astros in the 7th with the score tied at 3-3 and fail to score. The Dis-Astros load the bases with none out in the eighth and Aaron Heilman gives up a granny to Mark Loretta.

Saturday: Daddy Wags craps the bed against his former team, giving up two runs in the ninth to blow a 4-2 lead. Houston wins it in the 10th, 5-4.

Sunday: Randy Freaking Wolf and four relievers shut out the Mets 4-0 to give Houston their first Mets sweep in 15 years.

I need to get home soon, apparently. The Mets find themselves three games back and in 3rd place behind Florida. San Diego comes to town tomorrow. We have to beat them, right? Right?

BYE, ALBERT, AND DON'T COME BACK

That would be the rampaging Albert Pujols and his Bat of Doom, of course. The Mets would have a three game sweep of the Cards if not for Albert, but then, a lot of things would be better for the Mets if not for Albert.

I'm in Red Sox Nation for a business trip (I cleared customs with only the obligatory hour wait on the tarmac at Logan), so we'll dispense with the usual prose and go to a quick game recap.

Friday: Mike Pelfrey goes seven and allows only one run in a convincing 7-2 victory. Delgado and the Other Reyes went deep.

Saturday: Hail to Albert, and to Skip Schumaker, whoever he is. Skip had six hits and Albert had five in a 14-inning thriller. Albert's final hit may still be in low earth orbit. He hit it off an exhausted Aaron Heilman in the 14th to give the Cards a 10-8 win. The Mets had erased two earlier deficits of 4-0 and 8-5, so I can't complain much. Just too much Albert.

Sunday: Our somewhat less formidable answer to Albert, Johan, went the route and the Mets whupped on Kyle Lohse for a 9-1 laugher. Fernando Tatis hit his second homer in two days. I suppose we have to give Omar his due here. Fernando Tatis would not have been my first, second, or 867th choice to replace Moises Alou.

We start up with Florida, who is hanging in there in the division race. Philly took two of three from Atlanta to stay one back, and now gets to beat up on the Nats. After that, Albert will be the Phillies' problem, and they can have him.

FIRST PLACE, BARELY

We should be three games ahead. We should be three games ahead. We should be three games ahead!

Sorry, I can't get that thought out of my brain. I realize that this is self-defeating and not helpful in any way, but still, WE SHOULD BE THREE GAMES AHEAD! Ok, never mind.

The Mets won game three against the Wife Beaters with a clutch two-out, two-run double in the 8th from my new best friend, Carlos Delgado. Dude is raking. Yeah, I know, I called him an embarrassment and washed up. It was just my motivational techniques! Well, it would be if he read this. The Good Oliver Perez showed up as well yesterday afternoon, yielding a solo homer by Jayson Werth as his only major blemish in seven and two-thirds innings. Wags was sharp again to get his 26th save in a 3-1 final.

The Cards come to Shea for three games starting tonight. Their pitching staff is looking pretty ratty, and they just fell behind the Brewers in the wild-card race. It's as good a time as any to see them, although they will have Phat Albert. They'll throw Kyle Lohse on Sunday, who the Mets couldn't touch the last time they faced him. This will make tonight's and Saturday's games critical. We have some guy named Brandon Knight (another Baseball Witness Protection Program player?) pitching on Saturday. He was torched pretty good while he was with the Yankees back in 2001 and 2002, but he has a 1.60 ERA this season with the Zephyrs. I'm not sure why he is a better option than Tony Armas, Jr., but Jerry Manuel has a 14-3 record in his last 17 games, so I suppose we should trust him.

And, also, we should be three games ahead. Really.

TGIW

As in Thank God It's Wagner, and not the rest of the Gang Who Can't Get Anybody Out When It Counts (GWCGAOWIC?). I feel somewhat better this morning, although I can't help but think we should by all rights be two games ahead right now and gunning for a sweep.

Jose Reyes did the major damage with a well-timed three-run homer off Ryan Madson in the 6th that broke a 3-3 tie. The Chief Wife Beater himself, Brett Myers, started and was wild, walking five and hitting Carlos Delgado. Maddeningly, the Mets kept letting him off the hook, scoring only two in the first even though Myers had walked the bases loaded and then walked in a run. The Phils answered immediately in the 2nd with back-to-back solo homers off starter John Maine by Shane "Annoyin' Hawaiian" Victorino and Geoff Jenkins. The Mets wasted a great opportunity in the 3rd when they loaded the bases with one out, but could only score one after Marlon Anderson struck out. They were lucky to get that one when Jimmy Rollins bobbled a grounder by Damion Easley that might have been the third out. Maine lasted seven and pitched well, staying around long enough to get the W after Reyes' homer.

I can't completely excoriate the Non-Wagners (much easier acronym), since Scottie Schoeneweis and Joe Smith were spotless in the 8th, aside from a prudent walk to Pat Burrell. Billy looked completely healthy in getting three quick outs in the ninth. I'm assuming he's available for this afternoon's game. Oliver "Two-Face" Perez takes on the Methusalah of the Delaware Valley, Jamie Moyer, to decide who walks away in the lead. It's probably best that I will be following this on my BlackBerry, although it may not be good that my BlackBerry is so easy to throw.

TIN METS

Why, oh, why, Lord, am I doomed to root for a team with no heart?

So, what if Billy Wagner is hurt? Come on, Duaner, show some nutsack and get the 5-6-7 hitters for the Phillies out for crying out loud! Instead, each one of them singles, and then Joe Smith gets a slow grounder from Pedro Feliz that Jose Reyes apparently wasn't thinking could ever possibly be hit to him, and he forgets that Shane "Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino is on first. Reyes stops to think for a few seconds, straining his pea brain, then steps on second base well after Victorino has arrived, so now nobody is out. YOU'VE GOT TO GET ONE OUT! Then, So Taguchi, who is on the Phillies roster for one reason only, to torment the Mets, gets his first pinch hit of the entire season (thanks for pointing that out in advance, Gary Cohen), by driving a Pedro Feliciano pitch over Endy Chavez' head to tie the game. Endy, he's facing a lefty who lives on the outside of the plate, don't you think maybe he might want to go to right? So why are you playing right behind second base? I see the Phils added three more after that. I turned it off in disgust before that inevitability occurred.

Oh, this was a team effort all right. Endy Chavez has to be blamed for a lot of it, but he wasn't the only one. Chavez ran the Mets out of at least two runs on two separate bone-head plays. The second one was much worse than the first one. On the first one, with none out in the 3rd, Endy had singled to move Reyes to second. David Wright then hit a double that Chavez had almost no chance to score from first on, but he was waved around by Luis Aguayo and was out by ten feet. You can kind of chalk that one up to aggressiveness, because it was early in the game, but he should have stayed at third. In the second episode, in the 7th and again with none out, Endy hit what should have been an easy triple but missed Aguayo waving him to third and ended up with a double. Wright then hit a sharp single to right field, and Endy once again had zero chance of scoring, but as if to try to make up for his earlier two blunders, he and Aguayo gave it another try, and this time he was out by about 15 feet. You knew those two runs would be significant, and they were.

We suck. And we don't even have as much will to win, fire in our belly, intestinal fortitude, call it what you will, as a bunch of wife beaters. Have fun in the Playoffs, Philly. You want it more, so you can have it.

SPLIT-CINNATI

The Mets went 2-2 in southern Ohio this weekend, which was good enough to stay in a first place tie with the Wife Beaters. Here's a quick recap of the weekend's games:

Friday: John Maine gave up four runs on two hits, three walks and a hit batsman in the 5th, and the Mets couldn't solve Bronson Arroyo for the second time this season, as they fell 5-2.

Saturday: This was a close, back-and-forth affair until the 7th, when Pedro Feliciano got pounded by Jay Bruce, Jeff Keppinger and Adam Dunn, and Aaron Heilman chipped in by allowing a crushing triple to Joey Votto. The Reds won easily 7-2.

Sunday: The Mets got out to a 4-1 lead in the 4th, and with Mike Pelfrey on the mound I was feeling pretty good. Then in the bottom of the 4th, Marlon Anderson let Ken Griffey Jr.'s pop fly drop in for a ground-rule double, Brandon Phillips singled in Griffey, Ramon Castro threw one into center field on a steal attempt to allow Phillips to go to third, Dunn hit a sac fly, and Edwin Encarnacion jacked one into the left field seats, and it was 4-4. Just like that. Both teams added a run, with the Reds' tally coming on an impressive upper-tanker by Phillips, also off Pelfrey. The game went to extras, and Reds reliever Bill Bray, which sort of rhymes with "Bad Day", had one. He gave up an instant double to start the inning to pinch-hitter Robinson Cancel. Jose Reyes tried to bunt him to third, and catcher Javier Valentin almost collided with Encarnacion trying to field it, allowing Reyes to beat it out easily. It looked like the Reds were going to
get a break when Argenis Reyes hit a sharp grounder right to Encarnacion. Since Cancel had to hold at third, Encarnacion decided to try for the force at second, but threw the ball away into right field, scoring Cancel and sending Jose Reyes to third. After a David Wright intentional pass, Carlos Beltran hit a fast-dropping liner to right that Griffey caught but that left him in no position to make a throw as Jose scored. Daddy Wags struck out the side in the bottom of the 10th for a 7-5 Mets final.

Both the Mets and Wife Beaters now have identical records of 53-46, with Florida a half game back at 52-46. Florida has a remarkable -25 in run differential, compared to our +35 and Philly's +75. We play Philly for three at Shea starting Tuesday, then host the Cards. Philly hosts Atlanta after us, and the Marlins host Atlanta but then have to travel to Wrigley to play the NL leading Cubs for four games. This week is a critical chance to establish some separation from our rivals, but given the way the rest of the season has progressed, I'll be content with a tie or a lead of any kind when it is over.

O ME OF LITTLE FAITH

I have a confession to make. Bless me, Mets fans, for I have sinned. I turned off the game last night right after the immortal Javier Valentin hit that bases-clearing double to put the Reds up 8-6. "Shit!" I said, to my cat and two dogs (the wife is visiting family, and she doesn't typically watch with me anyway). "There goes the streak. Nice going, Schoeneweis and Heilman!" And then, I clicked the red "X" in the corner of the Firefox window and disgustedly went to bed.

Yeah, I know, Crash Davis said that a player on a streak must respect the streak, and that goes for fans as well. I should have stayed up the extra half-hour to watch the rousing 9th inning comeback. I see that David Wright hit a two-run bomb to tie it, and Carlos Delgado put us in the lead with a double, and scored on Fernando Tatis' double. All of this came off the normally reliable Reds closer, Francisco Cordero, who had his worst outing of the season. Dammit! I wish I had seen that.

I had only been absentmindedly checking in on the game periodically from the beginning. I was listening to an audio book that I bought so that I could participate in an online book club. Every so often, I'd minimize iTunes and see what the score was. It started out well, with Delgado hitting a two-run homer in the 4th to give the Mets a 2-0 lead. The next time I checked, it was 5-2 Reds. Wow, back-to-back homers, a double and a triple off Johan. The Reds can definitely hit. No wonder they got rid of Josh Hamilton for some pitching. The Mets quickly made it 5-4, and then 6-5, and I thought, "Ok, the bullpen has been stifling of late, looking good." I finished the book about then and headed up to the Man Cave to watch the rest of the game.

By the time the "Buffering..." stopped, the Reds had two men on and Aaron Heilman was doing his trademark nibbling. He walked Dan Ross to load the bases, and Manuel brought in Scottie Schoeneweis to face the switch-hitting Valentin. Scottie had Valentin looking pretty foolish early in the at-bat, but then he laid in a spinning slider that Valentin crushed to right-center. Reds announcer George Grande went into that weird high-pitched thing he does when he gets excited as everybody scored, and I sat there steaming. I momentarily debated with myself on hanging on to watch a potential comeback, but with the time approaching 9:30 pm, I didn't think I could make it, and it probably wasn't forthcoming anyway.

So, I'll do two three "Meet the Mets" and ten "Ya Gotta Believes" as penance (or is it pennants?). The Mets win puts us in a flat-footed tie, whatever that means, with the Philadelphia Wife Beaters (as I have taken to calling them) at 52-44. Man, we were two games under .500 when this thing started. John Maine takes on Bronson Arroyo and his mad licks tonight to try for 11 in a row. It's Friday, and I'm staying up all night if necessary. Unless it's 15-0 or something, of course. I'm not a masochist. Or I least I won't confess to being one here.

BREAK IT DOWN

Wow, nine straight wins. Who predicted that? Certainly not me. I've been teetering on the edge of shutting this stupid Mets blog down on numerous occasions this year due to poor play, lackadaisical attitudes, crippling injuries, and bad general management. Then, Mike Pelfrey turns into the right-handed Randy Johnson, and we're a half-game out at the break. As per the usual Mets luck, the All-Star break is timed perfectly to halt the nine-game winning streak, and all the momentum of the streak will be drained by having to watch some 10-minute schmaltzy video produced by FOX during the pre-game show. A half-hour of Jeannie Zelasko alone will make you never want to play or watch baseball again.

That being the case, what happened in the last few games? We'll do a quick recap again, because I have reverse jet lag and the home run derby is coming on.

Wednesday - The Mets clobber my Strat team pitcher Jonathan Sanchez, and Johan goes five innings until the rains come. The bullpen goes the other four after the skies clear in scoreless fashion for a 5-0 win over the Giants.

Thursday - A four-run seventh off two more guys clearly using aliases, Sergio Romo and Jack Taschner, breaks open a 3-3 tie with San Fran, and the Mets win 7-3. The bullpen doesn't even give up a hit.

Friday - The Rockies are in town, and even grab a 1-0 lead, before the Mets quickly tie it and then win it 2-1 in the bottom of the 8th. The bullpen has an epic meltdown over the previous night and gives up one hit.

Saturday - Petey starts but can only go four (yet another injury), but with this bullpen, who cares? Wait, what? Yes, the bullpen is clearly taking performance-enhancing something, and once again goes hitless. Maybe it's just the Rockies. The final is 3-0.

Sunday - Who even needs a bullpen? Mike Pelfrey is a golden god. Pelf goes eight and continues the Rockies woes as the Mets get ANOTHER shutout, 7-0. This is getting monotonous.

The Phillies have also been winning, or we would be in control of this division. They took two of three from both the Cards and D'backs after we left town. The Phils start eating their own tails in the NL East for the rest of the month. We get the Reds for four in Cincy right off the break. After Cincinnati, we play the Phillies and Cards at Shea and then at Florida and at Houston. The Phils make the full circuit: at Florida, at us, home for Atlanta, and then back on the road in Washington. After two home series with Florida and Pittsburgh, they have to make a west coast trip. I'd say slight advantage to us until after that trip, but it looks remarkably close after that, with both of us having to play the Cubs and Brewers down the stretch. It'll probably be decided by starting pitching, as it usually is. If the Phillies get one of the remaining starting pitchers available in trade, like A.J. Burnett, that might be enough. We're going to have to stand pat (because we have nothing left to trade), but at the moment, that's not looking too bad.

FLOPPIN' PHILS

This will be very quick. I'm in Hawaii and jet-lagged, and I'd rather be looking at the ocean out my window, frankly.

Friday: the Mets lose 3-2 on a 9th inning 2-out single by a kama'aina, Shane Victorino. Maybe I'll go fire eggs at his porch.

Saturday: the Mets break open a tight game with 6 runs off a suddenly mortal Phils bullpen, win it 9-4.

Sunday: Daddy Wags blows a 2-0 lead in the 9th on a Jayson Werth homer, but Fernando Tatis picks him up with a 2-run shot of his own, as the Mets prevail 4-2 in 12 innings.

Monday: Wagner nearly blows another one, but the Mets scrape by with a 10-9 victory after leading 8-0 at one stage.

Tuesday: Mike Pelfrey dominates the Giants, as the Amazins beat San Fran 7-0.

Four wins, one loss, and they should have won that one too. The Mets are now only one and half behind Philly, and only one in the loss column. The only bad news is that Ryan Church is back on the DL with migraines, likely from his two concussions.

Ok, back to staring at the ocean...

THE MAUL OF TROY

Last night added to the growing pile of evidence that the Mets of 2008 don't have what it takes to be champions, as if we didn't know that for certain already. They took a 7-5 lead over the Cardinals to the bottom of the 8th, and lost the game in regulation on homers by nepotism beneficiary Chris Duncan in the 8th and in the 9th by Blue Jay cast-off Troy Glaus, who had also homered in the first.

Pedro Feliciano did the honors against Duncan, and Carlos Muniz (?) gave up the game-winner. What on earth is Carlos Muniz doing in a high leverage situation? It was probably because, well, he was the last and only option. Aaron Heilman, Joe Smith, and Feliciano had already appeared, and Scotty Schoeneweis is a lefty and has been terrible of late. Jerry Manuel was following the conventional wisdom of saving your closer on the road, which I think is stupid. You can't win it in the 10th if you give up a run in the 9th. I'd rather take my chances with Muniz with an opportunity to have the lead than with the game tied. Duaner Sanchez was also in the pen, but I guess he wasn't available after appearing last night. The real killer was Feliciano allowing the home run to Duncan, who was slugging .179 with ZERO homers against left-hand pitchers coming into the game. I missed the depressing doings because of a rain delay that pushed the final way past my bedtime, but, man, that must have some kind of cookie that Feliciano served up to Duncan.

The first part of the game was pretty encouraging, except for the fact that Pedro Martinez got shelled again. His career is in danger of an unsightly and premature ending if he can't get it together soon. The Mets were down 4-0 before the last cars had exited I-70, thanks to Glaus' first home run and a two-run single by Rick Ankiel. Ankiel added his second dinger in two games in the fifth to add to Petey's woes. In between, though, the Mets had once again staged a comeback to tie the game, with Damion Easley getting a big two-out single in the 3rd with the bases loaded to score two. The rain started in the 4th, and I turned it off and went to bed.

After Ankiel had made it 5-4, the Mets jumped all over the once great Mark Mulder in the 7th. Mulder had a miserable outing, giving up hits to Carlos Delgado and Ryan Church, throwing a wild pitch, and hitting Brian Schneider. That Billy Beane, he sure knows when to cut a guy loose. The Mets posted three runs in the inning, and looked to be on their way. So much for that.

The Phillies won again, and appear to be over their recent outbreak of suck. We've had that disease from the outset, and no cure is evident.

TONY, ARM US!

That was unexpected. The Mets called up retread starter Tony Armas, Jr. from New Orleans to fill in because of the Friday doubleheader with the Yanks, and he wasn't bad. In fact, I think Oliver Perez should start thinking about whether or not he likes hot sauce on his oyster po-boys.

The Mets prevailed 7-4 against the Cards, thanks in large part to Mr. Armas, Jr. He got off to a slow start, giving up a no-doubter two-run shot to Rick Ankiel in the first and another run on a Skip Schumaker double in the second. The Mets clawed their way back to a tie with a run in the 2nd and a Ramon Castro two-run double in the 4th. In the 5th, Cards pitcher Todd Wellemeyer's wheels fell off, and the Mets scored three runs on four hits to knock him out of the game. Armas, meanwhile, settled in and did not allow another run until the 6th. David Wright capped off the Mets scoring in the top of the 6th with a towering home run into the bullpen in left. Aaron Heilman, Pedro Feliciano, Duaner Sanchez, and Billy Wagner each got some solid work in to end the game.

No ground was gained in the East as the Phillies clubbed around the Braves, after sending noted sensitive man Brett Myers to AAA Lehigh Valley. Watch out, Allentown. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Or drunk.

BEAT ME IN ST. LOUIS

I hope the Mets' plane makes it to St. Louis today. Oh, you mean they were there last night? Could have fooled me.

Kyle Lohse, who admittedly has received some Dave Duncan magic, but still, is not the second coming of Bob Gibson, stymied the so-called Mets on five hits over seven innings, and the Cardinals scored on the seemingly absent New Yorkers in each of the first five innings for a 7-1 drubbing. If it wasn't for Rick Ankiel throwing one of his trademarked wild pitches (and heaven knows, the Mets have seen that before), the Mets would have been shut out completely, and had very little to prove their presence at Busch Stadium.

John Maine had an Oliver Perez-like outing, with bad command and bad location, which meshed well with the Mets bad defense. David Wright needs to surrender his Gold Glove to authorities immediately. He caused one of the runs in the 4th by making a ridiculously conceived throw to first on an Aaron Miles grounder that even a post-knee-surgery Tiger Woods could have beaten out. The throw sailed into foul territory behind the bag, where $6 million man Luis Castillo was not backing up, allowing Miles to go to second. Phat Albert Pujols immediately bounced a single up the middle to score Miles to make it 5-0 and end any serious hopes of a Met victory. Prior to that, in the 2nd, The $6MMan, as I like to call him, let an easy two hopper by Skip Schumaker go right through his $6 million legs to allow Yadier Molina to score from second with the third Cardinal run.

The loss put us three back in the loss column behind the Phillies. We're still one behind them in games played, and will be up through the All-Star break. All the good teams are in the NL Central this year, which leaves the East and West up for grabs. If anybody can put together a 2007 Rockies-like streak at any point, the division will be theirs. I'd settle for a two-game winning streak at this point.

FOUR OUT OF SIX AIN'T BAD

The Mets may finish third or fourth, they may win only 75 or 80 games, Oliver Perez may frustrate the hell out of us, Petey may be on his last legs, Jerry Manuel may not be any better than Willie Randolph, Omar Minaya may continue to overvalue aging guys from the Dominican, the Wilpons may continue to meddle and sow dysfunction, and Luis Castillo may wear out a path with grounders to shortstop, but WE BEAT THE YANKS 4 GAMES TO 2! Suck it, Yankees!

Game 4 of the Subway Series was played Friday afternoon at The Stade, a make-up game for an earlier rainout. The Mets got out to 1-0 lead early on a gentlemen named Dan Giese whose likeness will not be appearing on any monuments, but gave the run right back in the bottom of the first. Carlos Beltran lined a two-run homer into the short porch in right in the 3rd to make it 3-1, but once again, the Mets couldn't consolidate, as Mike Pelfrey allowed a bunch of dinks and dunks for three more Yankee runs. Giese got into more trouble in the fifth, loading the bases on two walks and a David Wright single. That brought in another non-immortal, Edwar (My Parents Forgot The Last D) Ramirez. He allowed a fielders choice to Beltran, and then Carlos Delgado smacked a double that Bobby Abreu chased like a radioactive rabbit in the right field corner as two more runs scored.

Ramirez started the 6th, but gave up a single to Brian Schneider and a walk to Jose Reyes and was relieved by Ross Ohlendorf, who may not even have a uniform number for all I know. Wright singled to drive in Schneider and then Beltran walked, setting the stage again for Delgado, who hit a Mantle-like blast into the deep recesses of the right-center bleachers, possibly conking one of those "roll call" idiots right on his malformed noggin. That made the score 11-4, and the competitive section of the game was over. Delgado added a three-run shot off LaTroy Hawkins in the 8th to make the final score 15-6. He finished with a team record 9 RBI.

The nightcap at Shea was an unfortunate mess. Pedro Martinez was once again solid for a few innings, and then completely jumped the rails and gave up a total of six runs over the last two and two-thirds he was in there. Reclamation project Sidney Ponson was fantastic for the Yankees, lasting six innings and allowing no runs on five hits and four walks. Scotty Schoeneweis had another in a series of bad games and gave up the last three runs as the Yanks won 9-0.

Thanks to the wunderkind of FOX and MLB, I was unable to watch Saturday's game. Instead I was forced to watch the Cubs and White Sox, presumably because I live west of the Mississippi. Of course, I didn't watch it, because I don't care about those teams, and thus missed all the lovely advertising. Here's an idea: I paid over $100 for MLB.TV, so how about you let me watch that, and you can include all the advertising you want? There's nothing else to do between innings anyway. No, instead, you drive away the very people you want to attract with a blackout. Good job!

I listened on WFAN, and was not pleased. Once again, the Mets couldn't score enough runs for Johan Santana, and lost for his fifth straight start. It started well, with Ramon Castro hitting a titanic homer to left center off Andy Pettitte in the 2nd. That was the last lead the Mets would have, though. Santana started off the 4th with walks to Jeter and Abreu, and both players eventually scored. The Yanks added a crucial insurance run in the 6th when Robinson Cano hit a two-out single with the bases loaded to score A-Rod, who of course had also walked. David Wright led off the bottom of the 6th with a home run, but it was exactly two batters too late. If the Johan had gotten Cano out, Wright's homer would have tied it, and the Mets may not have seen Mo Rivera, but as it was, they did, and they were baffled like most everyone else is. 3-2 Yanks.

Sunday's game was on TBS, for some reason, so I got to enjoy some hi-def action for a change. Jason Giambi's mustache looks even more spectacularly 70's-porn-ier in HD. Ron Darling's pre-game chiron asked, "Which Oliver Perez will show up?" It turned out to be Gallant and not Goofus for a change, and the Yanks had no answers. Perez plowed through the Bomber order, walking none and allowing only three hits and a run (a huge Wilson Betemit homer) in seven innings. Pedro Feliciano had a 1-2-3 8th, and Billy Wagner made some hearts palpitate by allowing a leadoff single to Peter Eater Jeter, but escaped unharmed for his 18th save. Delgado hit another home run in the winning effort. The final score was a tidy 3-1.

The Phillies lost a late game in Texas, dropping their lead over Florida to one game. Despite our under-.500 first half, we're still only three out. A couple good weeks, and we could take charge of this thing. Unfortunately, Petey is a shambles right now, Pelfrey and Perez are still not consistent, and Johan is not getting any run support. The offense has been picking up, but Alou is out indefinitely, and even though it was nice to get Ryan Church back, Trot Nixon and Endy Chavez are both lousy corner outfielders on offense. Maybe we can get Xavier Nady back from the Pirates, but I doubt it. Omar has traded every decent player away, so this is probably the team that we go with in the second half.

But we beat the Yankees 4 game to 2! 2008 isn't so bad after all.

A.B.B. 130

With the Mets taking an off day on Thursday, let's focus on the Anybody But Bush race. Yesterday, Barack Obama met with former Democratic Party foe Hillary Clinton in the symbolically chosen town of Unity, New Hampshire. It's a good thing they didn't meet in Hillary's first choice, I Hate You And Everything You Stand For, North Dakota.



It's OK, it's a "Land of friendly people!"

Anyway, it's Obama vs. McCain, or Hussein vs. Bush Part II, if you listen to each one of their campaign staffs. Actually, Obama probably wouldn't want that matchup, based on what happened the first time. How are they doing? Let's run down the state polls.

Alabama - McCain safe
Alaska - McCain close
Arizona - McCain safe
Arkansas - McCain safe
California - Obama safe
Colorado - Obama close
Connecticut - Obama close
Delaware - Obama safe
D.C. - Obama safe
Florida - McCain safe
Georgia - Too close to call
Hawaii - Obama safe
Idaho - McCain safe
Illinois - Obama safe
Indiana - Too close to call
Iowa - Obama close
Kansas - McCain safe
Kentucky - McCain safe
Louisiana - McCain safe
Maine - Obama safe
Maryland - Obama safe
Massachusetts - Obama safe
Michigan - Obama close
Minnesota - Obama safe
Mississippi - McCain close
Missouri - McCain close
Montana - McCain close
Nebraska - McCain safe
Nevada - McCain close
New Hampshire - Obama safe
New Jersey - Obama safe
New Mexico - Obama close
New York - Obama safe
North Carolina - McCain close
North Dakota - McCain close
Ohio - Too close to call
Oklahoma - McCain safe
Oregon - Obama close
Pennsylvania - Obama close
Rhode Island - Obama safe
South Carolina - McCain safe
South Dakota - McCain safe
Tennessee - McCain safe
Texas - McCain close
Utah - McCain safe
Vermont - Obama safe
Virginia - Too close to call
Washington - Obama safe
West Virginia - McCain safe
Wisconsin - Obama safe
Wyoming - McCain safe

Tallying up the electoral votes, that gives us:

McCain safe - 126
McCain close - 80
Obama safe - 200
Obama close - 73
Too close to call - 59

If the election were held today, Obama would win with at least 273 electoral votes to a maximum of 265 for McCain. The battleground states appear to be Virginia, Indiana, Georgia and Ohio, but Obama would win even if he lost all four and maintained his advantage in the rest of the states where he is leading. And if these polls were even a semblance of reality, which we know they are not.

I would have to conclude from this cursory analysis that Obama will have to screw the pooch pretty badly to lose this election. He has 200 safe electoral votes to McCain's 126, which is an enormous cushion. With Obama's cash advantage by way of his decision to decline public funding, you would have to believe that he will only improve his numbers in the battleground states and possibly even turn one or two McCain-close states.

Obama has to watch out for Pennsylvania, Oregon, Colorado, Iowa, and New Mexico. These are all trending his way right now, but not by much. Pennsylvania and Oregon have been going Democratic in the past few elections, but both are high in a demographic he has struggled with, working class whites. Iowa, Colorado, and New Mexico have traditionally been Republican strongholds. If he has any more of these Reverend Wright flare-ups or other gaffes, all five of these states could go to McCain.

As for McCain, the fact that my home state of Texas is only in the "close" column says a lot about his candidacy. He has a tremendous amount of work to do, and it is difficult to imagine that he is up to the task. He'll have to turn at least a few of those five states I mentioned earlier, and he'll have to win Ohio, Virginia, and for heavens sake Georgia to have any chance. I can't believe Georgia is a battleground state. That might be apocryphal, but there are a large number of African Americans in increasingly prominent positions there, so it could be true.

WRIGHT IS RIGHT

I missed all the fun, again. I was banished to our makeshift office, which would otherwise be our spare downstairs bedroom, because my wife was having her book club in the (Half A) Man Cave. Since I knew that I wouldn't be getting the 42" screen, I dawdled, watching The Daily Show, Colbert, and PTI on the DVR in the bedroom until about 6:30, and then I listened to some podcasts until about 7 pm. When MLB.TV came on on the office PC, I was expecting another disaster, but happily, I saw the 2 2 4 line for the Mets in the first three innings. I had to check RotoTimes.com to figure out that David Wright had homered twice.

Then, as if to spite me, the Mets offense took the rest of the night off, and John Maine got into enough scrapes to make me nervous. Thankfully, Aaron Heilman, Joe Smith, and Duaner Sanchez each pitched a scoreless inning and ended all hopes of a Mariner sweep. The Mets won it 8-2, and will enjoy their rare home day off today as they prepare for a four game set with the Bronx Bummers. The Yanks have been showing faint signs of life lately, winning seven of ten and settling firmly in third place behind the Rays. Pretty much like us, really. It should be a good series. Not Ana Ivanovic in tennis whites good, but close.

WORSE THAN THE WORST

Yipe. An 11-0 shellacking by the freaking Mariners. Yeah, this was surely all Willie Randolph's fault.

R.A. Dickey, it turns out, is a knuckleballer. He's a knuckleballer with a 5.77 ERA coming in who the Mets could not figure out for the life of them, failing to mount even a serious threat for the first six innings Mr. Dickey was on the mound, and merely loading the bases with two outs in the 7th. The score was 10-0 by then, so even if Jose Reyes had come through, it would have been at best 10-4. What a sad and sorry lot.

Ok, we'll try this again. This game, they should win. Miguel Batista, who is replacing the injured Erik Bedard tonight, has an ERA of 6.26, and a 3-9 record. He lost his starting job earlier in the season and wasn't much better in the bullpen, and is only starting due to Bedard's injury. We have our #2, John Maine. Thank goodness the Phillies are still losing. By the way, the 16-2 runs-scored start to this series has put the Mets at a -8 run differential for the year, which is right what our record would indicate it should be.

FRANKLY, I COULD HAVE WAITED 38 YEARS

I made it to the Man Cave, and just as MLB.TV finished buffering and a picture popped up, there was King Felix's grand slam sailing over the right field fence. It was a replay, but I didn't like seeing it much no matter when it happened.

4-0 Mariners. And I hadn't even got the couch cushions arranged yet. Damn it! Then Felix proceeded to stymie the Mets for the next few innings. At least that I expected. The Mets did get a run and knocked Felix out of the game in the 5th on a wild pitch and a mad dash home by Carlos Beltran. Felix stood too much on the plate, and Beltran barreled into him, rolling over his left ankle. He's the proverbial day-to-day, but as Dan Patrick once asked, aren't we all?

The Mets had the inklings of a rally in the 9th off emergency closer Sean Green (not Jewish), but it fizzled when Carlos Delgado was viciously struck out by Green's replacement, Arthur Rhodes. Damion Easley also K'd, looking, to end the game at 5-2.

To recap, if King Felix doesn't close his eyes and hit a granny, that one was ours. Ok, you have to blame David Wright for booting a grounder and prolonging the inning as well, but still. Thirty-seven years since an AL pitcher has hit a grand slam, and the Mets have to be the ones to give up the next one. Sigh.

EASTWARD, HO!

The Mets completed the west-of-Texas segment of their schedule with a 2-games-to-1 series win over the Rockies. Believe it or not, we are only two games back of Philadelphia in the loss column. They have played two more games than us due to all the lousy weather in New York this year, plus they have a game in hand due to scheduling. Had we won the two rainouts that have yet to be played (vs. Pittsburgh and the Yankees), we'd be only two and a half out. Sorry about that, Willie.

As for the game this weekend, John Maine was stellar in the opener, allowing only six hits, three walks and two runs in six and two-thirds innings. The Mets rode a five-run explosion in the 2nd off Rockies ace Aaron Cook to an easy 7-2 win. The two-out hits in the 2nd inning were fairly breath-taking. Jose Reyes, Endy Chavez, and David Wright all smacked hard RBI singles off Cook when it looked like he had escaped the worst of it. I thought Cook was a goner at that point, but he ended up going seven, probably because the Rockies bullpen is a shambles. I turned it off after 4 innings and headed to bed, even on a Friday night. I am old.

Game 2 was a lowlight of the trip. Fortunately, I missed it because I didn't have the energy to go up to the Man Cave at 8 pm to tune in. We had just committed to spending about $7,000 on a home improvement project, and dropping that kind of money on something that is not going to be any fun at all is exhausting. The Mets took a quick lead on a Jose Reyes triple and a Luis Castillo sac fly, and Petey was strong for the first four, striking out four and only allowing two hits and a walk. Then the homers and singles and doubles started and wouldn't stop. Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe went back-to-back to lead off the 5th, then Troy Tulowitzki doubled, pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez singled, Willie Taveras singled home a run, Jeff Baker doubled home two more (you get the idea). When Claudio Vargas is deemed a better option, you aren't pitching well. Vargas did get a DP to end the inning, but the Mets had no answer for Jimenez, who lasted all the way through the 8th. The final was 7-1.

Sunday afternoon brought better things for the Mets pitchers especially. I was playing Strat and having brats at one of my fellow owners' houses, and he didn't have MLB Extra Innings, so I was out of luck. Reyes led off the game with another triple, and scored on a grounder by Wright that was ruled a hit and error after Tulowitzki threw it away. The Mets then scored all the runs they would need on a two-run homer by Carlos Beltran in the third. Mike Pelfrey is rounding into shape as a decent alternative to El Duque (and certainly one with a better future). He went five and two-thirds of shutout ball and was removed due to a high pitch count and a couple of walks in the 6th. Joe Smith finished the inning and then gave up the only Rockies run in the 7th, a Yorvit Torrealba dinger. The usual pair of Duaner Sanchez and Billy Wagner sewed up the 3-1 win.

The Mets return to Shea to play the woeful Seattle Mariners, owners of the worst record in baseball. Had it been two weeks ago, the stage would have been set for some crushing Metsian disappointment, but these look like games we should win. Johan faces King Felix tonight (I'll drag myself to the Man Cave for that one, come hell or hardwood flooring), and after that we get some guy named R.A. Dickey with an ERA north of five and then the thoroughly underachieving Erik Bedard on Wednesday. The Manuel magic will be put to the real test in the subsequent games, with four against the Yanks, four against the Cards, and four more against the Phillies. After these 15 games, we'll see what we have. Or we'll be actually looking forward to seeing the office get redecorated.

WP-ROD

This one was on me. All the way. Francisco Rodriguez is one of my Strat team pitchers, and David Wright is also on my Strat team (he normally plays left field, but that's another story).

The Mets beat the Angels in 10 innings by a score of 5-4 to notch Jerry Manuel's first managerial win. I was snoring loudly in Texas, and missed it all, of course. New York took another 1-0 lead in the first on a Wright groundout, and even expanded it to 3-0 before blowing it. Oliver Perez calmed his demons up until the 4th, when Jeff Mathis singled home the first run. The beasts within Oliver really came out in the 5th, when the Halos loaded the bases on two hits and a walk. Vlad "The Met Impaler" Guerrero then singled home the tying runs, and Torii Hunter put LAA on top 4-3 with another hit.

Perez was allowed to stay in, which looks to be the first instance of a non-Willie decision in Manuel's tenure. Peterson and Randolph would have worn a path to Perez in that inning and used at least three bullpen guys, so maybe things will be better. Perez got out of the 5th and got an inning-ending DP in the 6th before giving way to Joe Smith in the 7th with the Mets still trailing.

It must have looked pretty grim, with the Mets down to their last out, David Wright up against one of the toughest righty closers in the game, and Jose Reyes stuck on first because he was too afraid to try to steal with Wright up. K-Rod got strike one, but then after a ball, he bounced one in the dirt, which gave Reyes just enough time to scamper to second. The rest I've seen plenty of times on my Strat computer game, although Wright isn't the one doing it. David smacked one of K-Rod's trademark sliders into left field to score Reyes with the tying run, and after Duaner Sanchez recorded a 1-2-3 ninth, they went on to extras.

It didn't last too much longer. Third batter Damion Easley, who started his career with the California Angels (yes, he's old), hit a 1-0 pitch from Justin Speier into the left field seats, and Billy Wagner had no problems in the bottom of the inning for his 16th save.

Today the Mets get a day off, although they'll have to spend it in LoDo. Or SoDo, whichever. What lame neighborhood names they have in Denver. Let me guess, they call Upper Downtown UpDo? At least they are only one time zone removed from me, and I can maybe catch the first five innings. Yaaayyyy, no more Pacific time zone games!!! Summer is here.

MANUEL AUTOMATIC

The Mets, bleary from jet lag for the third time this year and throat-sore from answering 8,000 questions about Willie Randolph, put it on auto-pilot for a 6-1 defeat at the hands of the Ninety Miles Southeast of Oxnard Angels. Even Johan Santana couldn't help, giving up three quick runs in the first after the Mets had taken a 1-0 lead. LAA got another in the third and added a Jeff Mathis home run in the 6th before Santana was replaced by Aaron Heilman after 95 lackluster pitches. The sixth run scored in the 8th after a throwing error by $6 million man Luis Castillo.

The Jerry Manuel era starts 0-1. The Omar Minaya era continues its downward spiral into a black hole of stupidity. Which Oliver Perez will show up tonight? Will anyone care? And now that the Mets have been in California three times this year, are they eligible for gay marriage? These are the pressing questions before us.

SO, DOES HE HAVE TO CHECK OUT OF HIS HOTEL ROOM?

Ah, the Mets. After 46 years, you'd think they'd have a decent Human Resources handbook, or something.

Within hours of capping off a 9-6 victory over the (Insert Geography Joke Here) Angels, Omar Minaya, General "Manager" of the Mets, fired manager Willie Randolph, pitching coach Rick Peterson, and first base coach Tom Nieto. They were replaced by former bench coach Jerry Manuel, AAA pitching coach Dan Warthen, and the recently-hired Kenny Oberkfell, respectively. Yeah, that'll help.

I have no words. I'm going to write anyway, because I have nothing better to do at this particular moment. Remember when 2008 looked like a pretty good year? We had Johan, we had Wright and Reyes, this Church guy looked like a pretty good pickup, Pedro was healthy, Alou was healthy, Beltran was still in his prime, and though Delgado was not looking great, but he could still be counted on for 20-25 homers and some RBI's. Duaner was coming back fairly early, Billy the Kid was still there, Joe Smith looked to build on his impressive 2007 stint, and despite the fact we still had Schoeneweis and his ridiculous salary, he couldn't get any worse, could he?

Wow. It's all officially circling the drain now. Johan's been great, but the farm system we gave up to get him is as dry as my front lawn. Alou needs ID to get into the stadium he is there so infrequently. Delgado is an embarrassment. Beltran has only finally gotten going recently, but still isn't up to his normal standards. Church got a concussion and was subsequently sent on road trips (see lack of Human Resources handbook mentioned above). Wright can't hit righties, and Reyes is more streaky than usual. Luis Castillo is making $6 million dollars to slap balls to the shortstop. The bullpen is very close to having to be registered as a WMD. Oliver Perez pitches great one outing, and can't get anybody out in the next. Mike Pelfrey probably belongs in AAA, but with El Duque out indefinitely and Pedro in and out of the rotation, we have no choice but to let him learn how to pitch in the majors. There are guys who hadn't recorded a hit in
several YEARS prior to 2008 getting significant playing time.

So now we finish 2008 with an interim manager, an interim pitching coach, and a GM who has no clue and probably should be fired. This is a very bad mess, and a very expensive one at that.

How can we get out of it? Well, fire Omar and get a GM that knows his way around a sabermetric report would be a start. What GM in his right mind counts on Moises Alou, Orlando Hernandez, and Pedro Martinez to continue to perform at high levels well into their late 30's and 40's? How can Omar not see that Carlos Delgado is toast, and not at least have some idea of how to replace him? Why did Omar pay $6 million for Luis Castillo, when he could have paid the minimum for Ruben Gotay and gotten equally bad performance? How can Omar let a guy with a concussion go on road trips? WHO IN THE HELL IS ROBINSON CANCEL?

Here's a suggestion, Lords Wilpon: farm out the GM job to the Baseball Prospectus crew. They are pretty good a critiquing every other GM, so why not get them to put up or shut up? Gary Huckabay and Rany Jazayerli can be in charge of player personnel, Joe Sheehan can handle media relations, Will Carroll can direct the medical staff, Neil deMause can negotiate contracts, Clay Davenport can be the Assistant GM in charge of Advanced Statistical Methods, etc. If they win, it's good for the Mets, and if they lose, every other organization and Joe Morgan will send you gift baskets when they have to shutter their site.

Think about, guys. It can't be worse than what's going on now.

RANGERS IN THE DAY (AND EARLY EVENING)

This will be quick. I have no patience for these guys anymore. When guys like Robinson Cancel are getting game-winning RBI's, even if he is playing for the Mets, does it really matter?

The Mets blew a perfectly good 4-0 lead last Thursday afternoon to Arizona. I was following on ESPN's GameCast, and I saw it coming from 12 inches away (the distance from me to my monitor). First, in the 8th, Joe Smith relieved Johan Santana, who had been outstanding as usual, and gave up a RBI triple to Mark Reynolds to cut the lead in half. Then in the 9th Billy Wagner reprised his role of two days ago, and gave up the tying runs, although this time the tying run itself scored on a groundout that was nearly a game-ending DP. Then Aaron Heilman came in to start the 10th. Need I say more?

On Friday, New York cruised to a 7-1 win over Texas behind Oliver Perez, of all people. Oliver had one of his increasingly rare good days, giving up only three hits and three walks in seven innings. No one particularly shone on offense, with several players contributing timely hits. It was the kind of game that makes you even more angry at all the other games.

Saturday was a rainout, and with the Rangers only in town for one trip and needing to get away early, a traditional doubleheader was scheduled for Sunday. I was blacked out from watching the game on MLB.TV because the Rangers, some 300 miles away, are in my "home area", and were supposedly on Fox Sports Southwest, although they weren't showing up on my TV. Texas took a 1-0 lead off John Maine in the 3rd with an Ian Kinsler home run, but Carlos Delgado tied it in the 5th with a round-tripper of his own. Ramon Vazquez hit a two-run homer in the 5th, and then Carlos Beltran answered with a homer of his own in the 6th to make it 3-2. Maine started the 7th, but then the bullpen was summoned, and all hell broke loose, as usual. Pedro Feliciano gave up a two-run single to Vazquez, and Kinsler hit another dinger to put the game apparently on ice. The Mets battled back with three in the 8th and two in the 9th, but newly acquired former Diamondback Trot Nixon was stranded at 2nd for the 8-7 final.

The second game was a relaxed affair before friends and family, as most of the first game patrons had gone home to see if Tiger Woods could win the US Open on a gimpy knee (answer - probably, but not until today). That's what I was watching also, until my wife and I went to dinner and saw the game on Fox Sports Southwest on one of the establishment's TV's. After we got home, I checked the channel on the HD side, and got nothing but a test-pattern. I then checked the Low Def channel, and even though something called "Sports Science" was scheduled, there were the Mets and Rangers at Shea. So, I guess MLB.TV was right! Now, why is the HD channel not running when the Low Def channel is?

In any event, the Mets erased an early 2-0 deficit and rallied back to tie and then take the lead behind Petey. The first two scored on back-to-back RBI singles by David Wright and Beltran, and the final two came in on a hit by the aforementioned Cancel. What an appropriate name for an '08 Met! Pedro and the bullpen retired the final 16 Rangers batters and the Mets won 4-2. Maybe the Mets should restrict attendance at home games for the rest of the year. The bullpen seemed to like the relative quiet.

The series win puts us within two games of .500, looking up longingly at the Phillies, who lost two of three to St. Louis. Nothing has changed, and undoubtedly not much will for some time. Alou is back on the DL, and Trot Nixon is not the player Alou is even though he is over six years younger. Ryan Church may be back soon, but who knows how long he'll stay. The bullpen isn't going anywhere, and that's the biggest shame.

Hey, another trip to California! Just what we need.

SNAKEBIT/BITING BACK

On Tuesday, the Mets and D'Backs were in a race with a huge weather system bearing down on Shea, and each team scored early. Arizona got a run in the top of the first off John Maine, and the Mets answered with three runs off Micah Owings. David Wright hit a two-run homer deep into the left-field bleachers in the 2nd, and with Maine settled down, it looked like possibly a successful and quick night as the skies gradually darkened. Maine kept throwing more pitches than he would have like, though, and by the end of the 5th, with score now 5-3, he was over 100 pitches and needed to sit down. No problem, right? It's an official game, and the rain is coming any second.

Yup, here it comes. Any second now. Meanwhile, the D'Backs rallied for two runs to tie it in the sixth off Claudio "I Belong in New Orleans" Vargas. Of course, now it finally rained. I went to bed, disgusted at the Mets for blowing an easy rain-shortened win, so I missed the rest of it. Apparently. the rain subsided quickly, and Chris Snyder belted a home run off Joe Smith in the 8th to make it 6-5. Duaner Sanchez was brought in for the ninth but could not keep the game close, yielding dingers to Stephen Drew and Conor Jackson for a 9-5 final. Same old Mets.
The weather was better on Wednesday as Mike Pelfrey made another attempt to stay in the rotation. I was stuck in my bedroom and couldn't watch because my wife was using the so-called Man Cave for her book club. The Mets picked up three runs in the fourth off D'Backs ace Brandon Webb. Jose Reyes and Luis Castillo led off with singles, with Reyes advancing to third on a throwing error by Webb, and after Wright moved Castillo over with a groundout, Carlos Beltran drove home a pair with a base hit to right center. Carlos Delgado reached on an infield hit, and then Marlon Anderson, playing for the (surprise!) injured Moises Alou, grounded into a fielder's choice to pick up an RBI. Webb's pitch count in the 4th inning was 28, and he left after five still trailing 3-0.

Pelfrey, meanwhile, was uncharacteristically brilliant, averaging a strikeout per inning and generally baffling the D'Backs' hitters. Willie was prepared to let Pelfrey try for the shutout, but after Drew led off the 9th with a single, in came Billy Wagner. Again, no problem, right? Billy's pretty reliable. Down went Orlando Hudson on strikes, and things are looking good. Uh-oh, double by Conor Jackson, tying run at the plate, Chad Tracy up. Tracy K'd, and now the D'Backs were down to their last out, with Mark Reynolds up. Reynolds bats right and leads the team in HR's. I don't like where this is going. And where this is going is way up in the left-field bleachers on a 3-2 pitch. Two strikes on him, even! Tie game, 3-3, and Mike Pelfrey goes from a shutout to an ND in record time. Thanks, Bill.

I finally was able to tune in on MLB.TV in the bottom of the 9th just in time to see Brian Schneider hit a can of corn to center with two on to send the game to extras. It looked like another dispiriting loss was on the way, and it was only a question of when. The innings dragged on with neither team threatening. Feliciano relieved Wagner, who gave way to Heilman (ugh) and then Vargas (double ugh), but the Snakes couldn't take advantage. We did nothing against Chad Qualls, and then Edgar Gonzalez, the very dregs of the Arizona bullpen, came in and pitched a scoreless 12th. Just as it seemed the game might last until well past my bedtime, Castillo hit a harmless grounder to third that Reynolds botched. After Wright popped out for what should have been the third out, Beltran stepped up and on a 2-2 count, hit a screamer toward the scoreboard in right. "IT'S OUTTA HERE!! IT'S OUTTA HERE!! AND THE METS WIN THE BALLGAME!" bellowed Gary Cohen through my PC speakers. 5-3 in 13. We NEEDED that one.

The Johan battles the other Diamondbacks ace, Danny Haren, today. Moises is limping, Church is on the DL, and some guy named Chris Aguila is wearing #29. We're six and a half out, and two games under .500. This season is rapidly disintegrating, but at least for one night, it was fun to be a Mets fan. I guess I'll stick with it.

QUICK ONE

Since last time...

Padres 2, Mets 1
Padres 2, Mets 1
Padres 8, Mets 6

The Mets stink. That is all.

KEEP GETTING HIT WITH BASEBALLS, SAN DIEGO

Ok, enough with the "Anchorman" references. I promise. Until the next one.

The Padres beat the Mets last night 2-1 on...get ready...you'll love this...a bases-loaded walk-off hit by pitch. Seriously. Scotty Schoeneweis, rapidly reverting to his past suckitude, walked the sacks full in the 9th inning of a 1-1 game (why not try Master William here? You can't win it in the 10th if you give up a run in the 9th, Willie...Baseball 101). The first two unintentional walks both came after 0-2 counts. Nibbling much, Scotty? I missed it of course because I was sawing z's in my Central Time Zone abode, but someday I might have a look at the lowlights on MLB.TV. Adrian Gonzalez grounded out to the mound, but it acted like a sac bunt because Scotty could only get the out at first. Kevin Kouzmanoff was then intentionally passed to set up a force at any base. We got the force, but it was a force-in, not a force-out. Paul McAnulty (real name, once again, withheld) was the plunkee, and you can put this one in the loss
column for the Dumbass Mets.

Kouzmanoff factored in one of those rare plays you don't see often (I didn't see it either, but then again, I don't see much when they play on the West Coast and I'm not there with them) in the 7th inning. The Kouz smacked a hot grounder toward short which struck Tadahito Iguchi in the leg, giving Kouzmanoff a hit and the Mets the final out of the inning. As Crash Davis might say, if you can ricochet only one ball a week of your teammates, it's the difference between .250 and .300. Then again, Iguchi fell on his shoulder trying to avoid the ball and will be out for at least a month, so this may not be such a good strategy.

The loss wasted another decent effort by Mike Pelfrey, who lasted six innings and gave up eight hits, three walks and only the one run. Another who-dat named Josh Banks matched Pelfrey with an almost equal line of 6 IP, 5 H, 1 ER. Padres skipper Bud Black, himself an ex-pitcher, did not make Willie's mistake and used his future Hall-of-Fame closer Trevor Hoffman in the top of the 9th for one scoreless inning.

Ho-hum, the Phillies won again, this time with pitching (three-hit shutout by Cole Hamels). The Braves once again beat the Marlins, putting us back in fourth for the moment as we watch the Fish slide back into the depths. The Johan takes on former Phil and current umpire little brother Randy Wolf tonight. Hopefully, Jim is not working the plate. Of course, if Schoeneweis comes in, it wouldn't matter.

WORKADAY WIN

I was still at work when the Mets took a quick 3-0 lead on the Giants in the first inning of their getaway early afternoon game Wednesday. Doubles by Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran bracketed a hit-by-pitch of David Wright. Reyes and Wright scored on Beltran's two-bagger, and Carlos Delgado singled in Beltran. All this damage came off Giants youngster Matt Cain, who, today, was not able.

John Maine gave up an unearned run in the 3rd after a Jose Reyes error and a wild pitch. Jose Castillo singled home Fred Lewis (once again, I think these names are made up) to make it 3-1. Reyes hit a two-run homer in the 4th to give the Mets a 5-1 lead, which they held onto despite Duaner Sanchez's best efforts to blow it in the 8th. Sir William picked up another save, his 13th.

The MLB draft is today, with the Mets picking 18th and 22nd in the first round, plus a sandwich pick at #33. The estimable John Sickels is projecting that they will take catcher Jason Castro from Stanford at #18, and Andrew Cashner, a relief pitcher from TCU at #22. I don't put much stock in predictions after that point, since the permutations of who might be available get completely absurd. The important thing is that he thinks the Mets will draft from the college ranks, which makes sense because the farm system is decimated and needs a shot of near-ready talent immediately. Of course, Omar will probably trade it all away for Latino guys in their 40's as soon as possible, but at least they made an effort.

Braves closer-for-now Manny Acosta badly blew a save against the Marlins yesterday afternoon, which allowed the Marlins to stay in second and for us to tie the Braves for third. The Phillies ran into the Edinson Volquez Experience and lost 2-0, for what that's worth. Hopefully, it will screw up their bats for a while. We head down to San Diego, who ended the Cubs nine game winning streak behind Old Man Greg Maddux. Luckily, we won't have to see him, or Jake Peavy, who is hurt.

In other news, Hillary Clinton, having conceded the Democratic nomination, is vowing to fight on in her marriage, despite having to wait for Gina Gershon to get out of the bathroom so she could take her shower this morning.

OLIVER WITHOUT THE TWIST

Oliver Perez was lit up again on Monday night, this time by the lowly San Francisco Giants, who pounded him for six runs, two home runs, and two doubles to go with two walks in less than one inning. I guess he didn't get much sleep on the cross-country flight that took off at 3 am. The ignominious final was 10-2. Carlos Muniz gave up four runs in relief as a parting gift on his way back to New Orleans. Thanks, Carlos!

Muniz' departure brought in the man of the hour, the man of our dreams, Sweet Pete Martinez. Pedro was activated Tuesday morning, and made his second start of the year Tuesday night. Petey not only made it out of the first inning, but went six strong as the Mets stumbled to a 9-6 victory. The 5th inning was a bit of a sticky wicket for $126 million dollar man Barry Zito and the Giants. To wit: Walk, Single, Double, Sac Fly, Walk, Single. Vinnie Chulk came in and gave up Single, Single (Pedro's second hit of the night), Error, Double and the final two outs. It was 9-1 when it mercifully ended. The Giants battled back for five more runs, three off Scotty Schoeneweis on a Travis "Who Dat" Denker home run in the 9th to make it 9-6. Billy The Aging Kid was required for his 12th save.

One would have to be encouraged by Pedro's fine outing. That said, it was the Giants, and it was only one game. Give me about 15 more or those against some actual competition, and then we'll talk.

The Mets finish up in San Fran today, and then head south to Stay Classy San Diego. The Phils have sprinted out to a 2 and 1/2 game lead, and look unstoppable at the plate at least. The Marlins have lost six out of seven and are starting to resemble the Marlins again. The Braves keep treading water along with us, except they just lost one of their best pitchers for the year (John Smoltz) and we just got one of ours back. At least for one game, anyway.

WHO ARE THESE GUYS?

Ok, where did I leave off? I had disparaged Oliver Perez' command of the strike zone, and Luis Castillo's power. Oh, yeah, right. They kind of shoved that back in my face on Wednesday. Well, only kind of. Perez walked four and gave up five runs in six innings, but Castillo did hit a first-inning homer. It was actually a great game, especially for the Mets. Endy Chavez tied it up in the bottom of the 9th off Marlins closer Kevin Gregg with his first home run of the season, and after super-pest Alfredo Amezaga hit a solo shot in the top of the 12th, the Mets rallied for two runs in the bottom to win it 7-6. Fernando Tatis continued his return from the void with the game-winning double, scoring David Wright and Carlos Beltran. You can thank my Strat team for this one, as the losing pitcher was Justin Miller, one of my many one-year wonder bullpen bums.

On Thursday, Wright took care of the Dodgers with a pair of two-run blasts, finally putting a Met in double-digits in that category, as the Mets backed up emergency starter Claudio Vargas with eight runs in an 8-4 pasting of LA. Vargas managed to nearly squander a 6-0 lead, but Carlos Muniz bailed out an ineffective Pedro Feliciano in the 6th with two on and the score 6-4 and got Matt Kemp swinging to end the threat. I was at Ala Moana Center again during this game. They have another Starbucks, in the Barnes & Noble! It only took me half an hour to find that one.

Friday brought another Aaron Heilman disaster. I was back home watching this in the Man Cave on the Big Vizio via MLB.TV. The Mets led 5-4 in the 8th when Pedro Feliciano yielded a cheap hit to Juan (only playing because Andruw Jones got hurt) Pierre. Willie wheeled in Heilman, who completely imploded, again. Kemp doubled, and Jeff Kent, James Loney, and Russell Martin all singled before Willie finally brought in Scott Schoenweis. Scottie gave up a wild pitch and another hit, making the final 9-5. Heilman's ERA is now 6.67, and I'm sure his peripheral stats aren't much better. I'm assuming he's out of options, and they'd have to put him through waivers to send him to New Orleans. That might not be such a bad idea. His confidence is shot, and a change of team may help him. He ain't helping us at all.

The Mets returned the 8th inning favor on Saturday in front of a national television audience on FOX, at least when Ken Griffey, Jr, wasn't going for his 600th homer (Leo Mazzone is doing color commentary? With that ridiculous Brooklyn accent? Really?) My man Chad Billingsley was dominant for seven innings, allowing only four feeble Mets hits and no runs. Mike Pelfrey didn't pitch too badly, except for the first and fourth innings when he gave up single runs each time and the Dodgers botched up what could have been much bigger innings. In the 8th, Joe Torre brought in his normal 8th inning guy, Jonathan Broxton, who ended up looking like a fatter Heilman. Wright started off with a ringing double off the right field wall, and then Beltran tied the game with a huge homer in almost the same area that one-hopped the scoreboard. Carlos Delgado got a rare single, and his pinch-runner, Nick Evans was bunted to second by Damion Easley. After an
intentional pass to Brian Schneider, The Missing One, Tatis, did it again, smacking a base hit up the middle to give the Mets the lead and send Broxton to the post-game spread. Billy Wagner struck out the side in the 9th for his 11th save.

Sunday was Johan Santana time. After a quick run in the first on a Pierre double and Kemp single, Johan was very much the ace, going 7 and 2/3 before being unable to escape a mini-jam in the 8th. The Mets clobbered Hiroki Kuroda again for the second time in less than a month, and held on this time for a 6-1 win. Ryan Church returned from post-concussion syndrome to hit his 10th home run.

This morning, the Mets flew out to San Francisco and will play the Giants tonight. They'll miss Tim Lincecum and get Jonathan Sanchez, one of my Strat team punching bags, and Barry Zito, everyone's punching bag. Aside from the jet lag, this should be a good stretch. They'll head down to San Diego, a team in free-fall, and then come back home to play the slumping Arizona D'Backs and the (equally, to be fair) mediocre Texas Rangers. We're 3 and 1/2 games behind Philadelphia, who has been crushing the ball lately. I think we'll be settling in here for the next few weeks, with Florida zooming past us on their way to fourth place and Atlanta hanging around with us in second or third. If St. Louis finally hits their predicted collapse, we could be in range for the wild card, provided nobody else of importance gets hurt.

Petey's back on Tuesday! Yaaaaayyy!!!

ONE AND ONE, AS USUAL

The Mets split the first two games of their series with the Marlins so far. Mike Pelfrey was hit around for six runs in four innings, and despite two straight homers from Jose Reyes in successive innings, the Marlins won easily 7-3. I was defiling the Ewa Beach Golf Club at the time, thankfully, and was not able to watch and be angry (at least not at the Mets - just at my short game).

On Tuesday, Johan Santana went seven shaky innings, but the Mets were fortunate enough to face one of my Strat team pitchers, Andrew Miller, who gave up three runs in the first inning. Two of the runs were driven in on two-out singles by Fernando Tatis and Ramon Castro. The Mets never trailed after that point, and won 5-3. Duaner Sanchez and Billy Wagner finished the game with two scoreless innings.

Today, Oliver Perez will test our patience against Marlins ace Scott Olsen. Looks like we're dropping another game back of the Fish after this series!

ROCKIE BOTTOM

Ho-hum, the Mets lost again. Aaron Cook went the route, and some guy named Seth Smith, which I don't think is his real name, hit a three-run homer off John Maine as the Rocks won 4-1. Yeah, call me when I care. If the Mets aren't going to give a rat's ass, why should I?

We're back in Shea to play the first-place Marlins, who have a payroll of about $22 million dollars. There are homes out here in Oahu that cost more. That $22 million figure counts the $6.3 million that Jacque Jones was making when he was a Tiger, which the Tigers are actually paying. The Marlins signed him to a minor league contract, which means they are paying the minimum. This means that the actually payroll that Jeff Loria is paying is about $16 million. The Mets payroll? It's $137 million. Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado and Johan Santana are each making the same or more than the Marlins are spending for their whole team. Luis Castillo is making $6 million! That's a bunch for guy who can barely hit it out of the infield and has a .675 OPS. Let's bat him second!

Fuck it, I'm playing golf again today. I'll check back to survey the carnage when it's over.

OH, RIGHT, THEY PLAY EVERY DAY

I'm still in Hawaii, whiling away the Memorial Day weekend by myself in a luxury hotel overlooking the Pacific Ocean, trying to manufacture things to do. I chugged all over the Ala Moana Center today looking for a Starbucks. They have two of them, and it still took me an hour to find one. Magellan I'm not.

Oh, and the Mets played! What do you know? This Mets blogging is more painful than Phillies blogging ever was, because I had such low expectations of the Phillies. Plus, I was only a guest in the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania, while New York is my birth place.

I'm also pretty time-zone challenged here in the 50th state, and I had no idea the Mets were playing a day game in the Mountain time zone today. I also was unmotivated to watch after last night's painful episode. Billy Wagner blew a 5-4 lead by giving up a Coors Field Special homer to Matt Holliday with one out in the 9th. Naturally, the Mets folded on themselves like so many mollusks in extra innings, and eventually Aaron Heilman gave up the game-winning hit, again struck by Holliday (good timing for the upcoming weekend), in the 13th.

Today's game wasn't quite as angst-filled, probably because I didn't watch it. The Mets jumped all over former Rockies wunderkind Jeff Francis for six early runs and won going away, 9-2. David Wright and Carlos Delgado homered, meaning that maybe, just maybe, a Met will reach double figures in long balls this season. Claudio Vargas got the win, amazingly.

Ryan Church missed another game with post-concussion symptoms, which doesn't sound very promising. With Church and Alou out, the Mets are fielding an outfield of Fernando Tatis, Carlos Beltran, and Nick Evans, a guy who even he himself wouldn't be able to identify in a police lineup.
Willie Randolph remains "embattled", and "under evaluation", with his manager's "support". Hey, sounds like me! Oops.

FREE WILLIE

This isn't looking too good. The Braves completed their four-game sweep of the Mets tonight, or today, or whenever in God's time zone it was, 4-2. Even Johan Santana was not immune to the Turner Field mojo. The Mets had a 2-1 lead entering the 7th, but the Braves rallied for three run off The Johan, slapping five hits off him before he got an inning-ending double-play grounder from Jeff Franc(aeiou)r. The Mets managed to hit into two double-plays in their final two at-bats off starter Tim Hudson and closer Manny Acosta. The Braves improved their home record to an astounding 20-5 (still a half game worse than the Red Sox at Fenway - that's a lot of happy fans singing "Sweet Caroline").

Does it matter any more where we stand? We suck. Willie Randolph is about to get shit-canned, and for his sake, I hope he does. This team is morose, moribund, somnambulent, and not coincidentally, old and slow. Carlos Delgado is a husk of his former self. Carlos Beltran, while still a great centerfielder, looks lost at the plate, despite his homer today. David Wright cannot hit righties any more. Luis Castillo is HORRIBLE, and should be fired immediately. Jose Reyes is inconsistent and doesn't seem to really care that much. Only Ryan Church and Brian Schneider are playing up to or beyond what we thought they were capable of. Outside of John Maine, Johan Santana, and Billy Wagner, the pitchers are unreliable and more often maddeningly wild and awful. And none of this can be solved. Omar traded away every decent farm-hand aside from Fernando Martinez, and he isn't anywhere near ready to contribute. We're going to be this way all year - one three-game winning streak followed by four or five games where we can't score, can't pitch, or make bone-head plays.

Vaya con Dios, Willie. Let someone else take charge of this morass. You'd be much better off unemployed.

THE HELLSCAPE THAT IS ATLANTA

I'm in Hawaii. Why? Because it's what I do.

Yesterday, the Mets played the role of Anna Kournikova (only not as hot) in an early '90's WTA tennis match, while the Braves were Monica Seles, with the Braves winning in straight sets 6-1, 6-2. We could go over the details, but it would depress me. Tom Glavine won game 1, to give you an idea of just how depressing it was. That's as far as we need to go.

Today, while I was luxuriating on board an 8 hour flight to Honolulu (well, luxuriating is a bit far, but they do give you hot fudge sundaes in BusinessFirst, so it wasn't bad), the Mets were getting pounded by Atlanta again, 11-4. As before, details would only serve as downers.

That puts our Metsies at 22-22, or .500 if you are math-challenged. We are squarely in fourth place, holding off the Nats by only four games. We aren't good. Even if by some chance Petey comes back, we're still not that good. Hey, what do you know, we're playing the Braves again tomorrow! Thank goodness I'll be at work while that happens.

DID I MISS ANYTHING?

I'm back from LA and Saratoga Springs. We had a wonderful time losing money at both the harness races and the Preakness, and regaling each other with stories about my late Uncle Joe, whose remains were interred at the Saratoga National Cemetery (he was a Navy man).

The Mets lost 3 of 4 to the pesky (G)Nats while I was away, which prompted a much-celebrated and profane diatribe from our closer, Mr. William Wagner. After the Mets 1-0 defeat in game four of the series, in which Billy did not appear, he was asked to comment on the team's fortunes. He mused on why he was being interrogated, since he didn't even play. He then asked, rhetorically, "Why don't you ask those guys?", pointing to the lockers of Carlos Delgado, Carlos Beltran, and Luis Castillo, who had already left the stadium. "Oh, they aren't there," said Billy. "Big fucking surprise."

This led to a round of navel-gazing from the larger New York media about Latin players forming cliques and ducking interviews, using their limited knowledge of English as an excuse, which led to more introspection about racism and group dynamics and calling out one's teammates, which eventually resulted in the solving of everyone's problems and a peaceful, productive world. Ha! Well, at least we beat the fucking Yankees two out of two, so who cares about the rest of it?

I saw part of Game 1 at The Stadium Cafe in downtown Saratoga Springs. This was actually the scheduled Game 2, because Game 1 had been rained out. I believe they will end up playing Game 1 as part of a two-stadium, day-night doubleheader in June. Johan Santana started the game against Andy Pettitte, and was touched up for a Derek Jeter (Peter Eater) two-run homer in the first. Pettitte held the Mets scoreless until the 4th, when Ryan Church, Beltran, and David Wright all singled to start the inning, and then Brian Schneider walked home a run and Castillo hit one of his patented infield singles to give the Mets a lead they would not relinquish.

Jose Reyes and Wright hit Yankee Stadium short-porch homers in the 7th off million-dollar-arm-ten-cent-head reliever Kyle Farnsworth to make it 6-2, and then Santana gave up two more homers, to Giambi and Abreu before Wagner finished the game with a four-out save and a 7-4 final. So, how do you like him, now, NY media?

Game 2 was a Sunday night ESPN affair, which is probably why they didn't play a doubleheader yesterday. Gotta keep ESPN happy with well-rested players! I only caught the first couple innings, having just returned from New York State after an interminable 5 hour layover at Newark Liberty (oh, the irony) Airport. It was 0-0 at that point, with Chien Ming Wang looking unhittable and Joe Morgan prattling on that it was better to walk a guy with two outs than with none out (really, Joe? That's an amazing insight. You would think that Baseball Prospectus hadn't figured out the run expectancy of every possible baserunner/out situation and calculated that a man on first with none out resulted in an average of 0.783 runs while a runner on first with two outs resulted in an average of 0.209 runs, but they have in fact done that, and we all know that, so nice try!) I decided to catch up on my DVR recordings, and by the time I got back, the Mets led 4-2, with a couple of clutch two-out singles by Moises Alou and Delgado in the 4th. Oliver Perez immediately surrendered a two-run jack by Hideki Matsui in the bottom of the inning, but again, the Mets never trailed, as Ryan Church homered in the 6th and the Mets teed off on some guy who will be heading back to Scranton-Wilkes-Barre soon named Ross Ohlendorf for the final four runs of a six-run 8th to post an 11-2 drubbing of the last-place Yankees. "Last-place Yankees". Mmm, it sounds so sweet.

The Mets are now a game back of the Marlins, tied with the Phillies for second place in the NL East. The Fish are starting to return to at least near-Earth orbit, having lost five of six to the likes of the Reds and Royals. They move on to play the D-Backs and the Giants at home before traveling to play us and the Phillies. I suspect their grip on first place will relent by the weekend, and now it's up to us and the Phillies as to who will take over. We have a pretty tough schedule coming up, starting with the Braves in Atlanta followed by the Rockies in Denver, and then the Marlins and Dodgers at home. The Phillies have it easier, with Washington there, the Astros at Minute Maid, and then home for the Rockies and Marlins.

Can I say it again? "Laaaast-plaaaaace Yaaaaankeeeeeees." Gotta savor it!