THE SUN DID NOT SHINE

Let's see...Cat In The Hat Burger King Kids Meal toys, Cat In The Hat special Mastercard "priceless" commercial, Cat In The Hat ride at Universal, Cat In The Hat video game, Cat In The Hat cereal, at least four different Cat In The Hat sweepstakes, even a Cat In The Hat stamp from the US Postal Service.

This movie must really suck.

Yup.

SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND

Ok, old lady in the gym with the bald spot, if you're not going to resort to artificial means to cover up your chrome dome to work out, or even make a stab at a comb-over, could you please not use a treadmill that forces me to stare at your denuded scalp for 20 minutes?

FABULOUS

The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court has decreed that a ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional.

Excuse me, I'm going to go make a million dollars opening a bridal shop in Provincetown.

Great news for job seekers! The Boston Archdiocese should have plenty of openings soon.

Now maybe that crazy sex machine Barney Frank will finally settle down.

SWEEPING THE CLOUDS AWAY

Now that the season finale of "K Street" has aired on HBO, TCP is ready to release a screenplay it has obtained from one of the early ideas that Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney were kicking around before they even decided to make a show about Washington lobbyists.

I'd have to say they made the right creative decision.

SCHWARZENEGGER INAUGURATED; MILLIONS REALIZE RECALL NOT A PUBLICITY STUNT

After Austrian former bodybuilder and movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger was inaugurated as the Governor of California today, millions of stunned Californians finally came to the realization that the recall election was not in fact a massive publicity stunt tied to the release of the Terminator III - Rise Of The Machines DVD.

"Well, look at the timing," said retired seamstress Wanda Martinez. "I mean, the DVD came out a few days ago, so I just figured this was a big PR campaign. You mean he's really our Governor? O Dios mio!"

"Thank goodness this DVD mess will all be over and we can go back to good old Gray Davis tomorrow," remarked Joseph Watson, a public utility worker, before he was told. Later, after the news spread throughout the state that the action hero would in fact continue to serve out Davis' four year term, Watson shrieked, "Jesus H. Christ! We're all fucked!"

Election officials all over the state answered frantic phone calls from startled voters after it became clear that Schwarzenegger was actually the new state Chief Executive. "It ran mostly along the lines of, 'I thought the whole thing was a huge marketing gimmick', and "what have we done?'," said Contra Costa County Clerk Leo Ongais. "A few people called to see if we were selling the DVD here at the Clerk's office."

The Terminator III - Rise Of The Machines DVD comes with commentary by the director and actors, including Schwarzenegger, an HBO Behind The Scenes documentary, trailers, and a storyboard gallery, but unfortunately, no plan for reversing the projected $60 billion California state deficit. "I mean it, we are seriously fucked," added Watson.

NFL PSA

If you're watching an NFL game, and the announcers say either "he's a fan favorite," or "he's good mentally," what they are really trying to tell you is that the player in question is WHITE.

Thanks. Back to the game.