George Bush met with 13 former Secretaries of Defense and State at the White House yesterday, "allowing five to 10 minutes for interchange before herding the whole group into the Oval Office for what he called a 'family picture'", according to the Sydney Herald.
Here is a rush transcript of the meeting.
BUSH: Ok, everybody, you have 5 to 10 minutes to critique me on the war. Ladies first. Mad Dog?
Madeleine Albright: Are you referring to me, Mr. President?
BUSH: Who else would it be? Heh-heh
Albright: Um, ok. Well, Mr. President, isn't the war in Iraq taking up all the energy of your foreign policy team? I feel that you've let the nuclear programs in Iran and North Korea spin out of control and allowed Latin America and China policy to suffer by neglect.
BUSH: Next! Eagle-man?
Lawrence Eagleburger: Well, sir, your father may have been correct when...
BUSH: Next! Mr. I'm-In-Charge-Here?
Alexander Haig: You're doing fantastic things in Iraq, Mr. President.
BUSH: Go on.
Haig: That's all I have prepared.
BUSH. Ok, ok. Good enough. Brownie? Whoops, I better not use that nickname. Got me in trouble. Harry-guy?
Harold Brown: Mr. President, I don't feel that your administration is doing enough to address the humanitarian crisis...
BUSH: Next! Sergeant Schultz?
George Schultz: I know nothing!
BUSH: Ha-ha! I love that bit.
George Schultz: Seriously, Mr. President, I don't really know anything.
BUSH: I can sympathize. Mack-Daddy?
Robert MacNamara: Have you seen the film "Fog of War", Mr. President?
BUSH: No, was Arnold Schwarzenegger in it?
MacNamara: No, sir, "Fog Of War" is a documentary where I lay out the 11 lessons I learned from the Vietnam War.
BUSH: If it's not on DVD, I probably missed it. The Secret Service makes a run to Blockbuster every Friday. Mostly new releases, although I like them old westerns. Man, I don't know how they cleared all that brush back in those days without chain saws.
MacNamara: In any event, sir, I recommend that you screen it some day.
BUSH: Thanks, Mack-Daddy. Will do. I have a Gabby Hayes retrospectacle coming up on the schedule next weekend. I'll see if they can slip it in to break up the monogamy. Balloonfoot?
Colin Powell: (silence)
BUSH: Ok, I get it. You never did like that nickname, didja? Ok, Colin, what ya got.
Powell: (more silence)
BUSH: Fair enough. Wasn't like I was gonna listen anyway. (Looks down at watchless wrist) Ok, folks, time's up, off to the Oval to get our family picture taken. Jeez, Colin, at least smile for the camera, will ya?
Friday, January 06, 2006
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
THUS BEGINS THE YEAR A.T. 40
Hey, every search bot, Annika Sorenstam nude hopeful (Still hoping, after all these years! You have to admire that), and one or two actual readers, it's my birthday!
This day in my history:
2004: I forget. My short-term memory is shot.
2003: My wife makes me go to someone else's birthday party. I'm still pissed about that.
1999: Ah, the flu. It's what makes the Northeast great!
1998: My last birthday in Texas. I think we ate Mexican or something. Not a Mexican, silly, Mexican food.
1993: My last birthday as a single idiot. I distinctly remember something about Miss January.
1988: I turn 21. I celebrate by doing 21 shots of Snapple. I'm a wild man, I'm telling you.
1983: I spent the day puking my guts out after drinking cherry Kool-Aid and apparently tainted Wise Bar-B-Q potato chips. It looked like the shower scene from "Psycho" was filmed in our upstairs toilet bowl.
1979: Yet another birthday while on Christmas break. Nobody ever baked me no freakin' cupcakes!
1975: I get like three kids to my birthday party, and they're only there for the entertainment. Well, it was Foghat, so I'll give them that. Actually, I told them it was Foghat, when it was really my brother lip-synching to his 8-track player.
1973: We go over to my Grandma's apartment, where she gives me a knitted wool hat. I get her back years later by giving her a 6-outlet surge protector for Christmas.
1970: My birthday is forgotten by my arch-conservative parents in all the "Thank God the 60's are finally over" hub-bub. Well, I certainly didn't remember it, anyway.
1967: At 11:54 PM, I finally slide on out. Gotta keep them in suspense.
Anything prior to that, of course, is immaterial.
This day in my history:
2004: I forget. My short-term memory is shot.
2003: My wife makes me go to someone else's birthday party. I'm still pissed about that.
1999: Ah, the flu. It's what makes the Northeast great!
1998: My last birthday in Texas. I think we ate Mexican or something. Not a Mexican, silly, Mexican food.
1993: My last birthday as a single idiot. I distinctly remember something about Miss January.
1988: I turn 21. I celebrate by doing 21 shots of Snapple. I'm a wild man, I'm telling you.
1983: I spent the day puking my guts out after drinking cherry Kool-Aid and apparently tainted Wise Bar-B-Q potato chips. It looked like the shower scene from "Psycho" was filmed in our upstairs toilet bowl.
1979: Yet another birthday while on Christmas break. Nobody ever baked me no freakin' cupcakes!
1975: I get like three kids to my birthday party, and they're only there for the entertainment. Well, it was Foghat, so I'll give them that. Actually, I told them it was Foghat, when it was really my brother lip-synching to his 8-track player.
1973: We go over to my Grandma's apartment, where she gives me a knitted wool hat. I get her back years later by giving her a 6-outlet surge protector for Christmas.
1970: My birthday is forgotten by my arch-conservative parents in all the "Thank God the 60's are finally over" hub-bub. Well, I certainly didn't remember it, anyway.
1967: At 11:54 PM, I finally slide on out. Gotta keep them in suspense.
Anything prior to that, of course, is immaterial.
Monday, January 02, 2006
FINALLY
I found myself at the Eagles game last night at Lincoln Financial Field (don't ask), and for once, someone showed some originality in the crowd while displaying a sign. The Eagles were trying to stop the Redskins from scoring, and something very similar to this flashed on the Jumbotron:
I can't help myself, I just love it.
I can't help myself, I just love it.
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