SEX MIS-ED

Rep. Henry Waxman has reported that the federal government will spend $170 million this year on abstinence-only sex education programs which contain numerous factual errors. Hmmm...opportunity knocks again!

To: The Department of Health and Human Services
From: The Crossbow Project

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION - AN ABSTINENCE-ONLY SEX EDUCATION PROGRAM

1. Introduction - Sex before marriage - how bad is it?
   
   
   
   1. Really bad, or really really bad?
      
   2. Or really really really bad?
      
      
      
      1. Several more "reallys"?
         
      
      
   
   
2. What happens if you have sex before marriage
   
   
   
   1. Acne
      
   2. Rashes
      
   3. Festering sores
      
   4. Leprosy
      
   5. Under certain circumstances, triggering nuclear annihilation
      
   
   
3. Condoms - how safe are they?
   
   
   
   1. You're joking, right?
      
   2. Can cause acne, rashes, festering sores, and leprosy by themselves
      
   3. Nuclear annihilation-triggering still being studied
      
   4. Always let the sperm of sinners through - somehow, they know
      
   
   
4. Birth control pills
   
   
   
   1. Satan's candy
      
   2. Why are we still having this discussion?
      
   
   
5. Benefits of abstinence
   
   
   
   1. Well, clear skin at least
      
   2. Absence of guilt over sexual misconduct, ability to really concentrate on all other guilt
      
   3. A.C. Green's autograph!
      
   4. Eternal happiness (only when combined with tithing, of course)
      
   
   
6. Review
   
   
   
   1. Sex before marriage will kill you
      
   2. Or at least cause you to burn in Hell
      
   3. Get your filthy hands off your genitals, you freak! (See our pamphlet "Masturbating Causes Cancer")
      
   
   

Yours today for only a small $1 million grant. We take PayPal.

Sincerely,
The Crossbow Project