NO HEROISM REQUIRED, SO FAR

We're here. I'm writing this logged in as my sister's second husband's son from a previous marriage. Oh, what a tangled web they weave when first they practice to conceive. I didn't have to use the SkyMall as a deadly weapon, but I do have my eye on a Guillotine Cigar Cutter as a little birthday present to myself after the trip.

More later, especially if my mother and brother-in-law's constant viewing of the Fox News Channel makes me go berserk.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY "LET'S ROLL", BUT I'M HAPPY WITH IT

My wife and I will be boarding a plane at BWI tomorrow bound for Orlando. I'd like to take this opportunity to interject a phrase into the lexicon that I intend to use if terrorists take over the aircraft and a bunch of passengers decide to take it back:

"I don't think you can kill a man with a rolled up SkyMall."

And for God's sake, somebody fill out the damned forms.

HALF RIGHT

The Patriots seem impervious to my influence, but we can always count on the Eagles to succumb to voodoo.

Don't mess with me. Oh no, do not mess with me.