SAY A LITTLE PRAYER

Remember when the Medicare drug cards came out, and TCP started our own Medicare drug card program? Turns out, the competition was pretty cutthroat, and well, it actually required more than sitting back and cashing checks from gullible senior citizens, which was what we were going for.

But lo, in light of this news, a light hath shineth upon us! Today, TCP is announcing the first-ever and only that we know of PHMO (Prayer Health Maintenance Organization).

For a low low monthly fee (see plan prospectus for definition of "low"), TCP's enormous readership will pray for your health! The details are listed below:

Annual Deductible...................Varies. How much money do you have?
Annual Out-of-Pocket**..............See above.
Lifetime Maximum....................This is getting redundant
Inpatient Hospitalization...........85%/One dozen novenas
Out-of-Area Dependent Coverage......We'll send a letter to Jimmy Swaggart
Physician Office Visits.............Three Hail Marys
Specialist Visit....................Two Our Fathers
Well-Baby Care......................Priest will "baby-sit" until age 15 or so (male only)
Mammograms..........................Nun will visit house personally
Outpatient Surgery..................100%, psychic surgery only

Behavioral Health
Inpatient...........................Prayer to St. Joan, patron saint of loonies
Substance Abuse.....................Hey, we're in a War on Drugs, remember?

Maternity Care
Prenatal and Postnatal Visits.......100%, but if you even think about abortion, 0%

Hospital Services
Oral Surgery........................That would be St. Guy, patron saint of Hockey
Infertility.........................St. Hugh, patron saint of knockin' boots.

Vision Benefits
Eye exam............................St. Ghwsnq
Glasses, Contacts, etc..............St. Urkel

Emergency Care......................Mass said in your honor. Oh wait, that's only if, well, you know.

Sign up today!