GOOD WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT
Amhed Chalabi, leader of the anti-Saddam lobbying group known as the Iraqi National Congress and member of the Iraqi Governing Council, was profiled today in the NY Times.
It's a two-pager, but somewhere on the second page, the Times conveys this rather startling fact:
"Nevertheless, the Department of Defense continues to pay his organization $340,000 a month to gather intelligence in Iraq. "
Let's see...Chalabi feeds the Pentagon a bunch of lies, and gets, um, doing the math here...carry the one...two and half shitloads of money. Hey, I can do that! Finally, my ticket to the good life. Hey, Rummy, try this on for size:
- Osama Bin Laden was staying in my basement. He took off and said he was heading to San Antonio for the Final Four, though, so you just missed him.
- Um, there's like a bunch of guys with heavy guns and rockets and bombs and stuff, like, in Najaf, or Umm Qasr, or Ramalamadingdong, or some place. And they look pissed.
- That guy you caught in the spider hole was a double. Saddam is hanging out with Martha Stewart in the Hamptons, planning an extremely tasteful yet vicious revolt.
So, Pentagon brass, what do you say? I'm thinking a quarter of a mil for all three pieces of intelligence, or $100,000 sold separately. And I'll take one those Comanche helicopters off your hands, while we're at it. I need to cut my commute time.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
POETIC (DRIVERS) LICENSE
I think that I shall never see
A service area as lovely as thee.
(I took a run up the NJ Turnpike for work yesterday, and ate a Double Whopper there.)
I think that I shall never see
A service area as lovely as thee.
(I took a run up the NJ Turnpike for work yesterday, and ate a Double Whopper there.)
Monday, March 22, 2004
RELEASE THE HOUNDS
Former terrorist czar Richard Clarke went on "60 Minutes" last night to claim that President Bush has done "a terrible job" fighting terrorism. In response, the White House trotted out National Security Adviser Condi Rice this morning on "Good Morning America", "Today", and "The Early Show" and possibly "Romper Room" for all we know to refute the charges. Among other things, she noted that Clarke, who at the time was the leading anti-terrorist expert at the White House, "wasn't involved in most of the meetings of the administration." Touché, Dick!
Anyway, Condi's whirlwind tour of the Diane & Charlie/Katie & Matt/Some Guy & A Random Blonde Chick triumvirate is only the beginning of the balls-out assault by the Bush Administration and its well-funded character evisceration apparatus. Here's a preview of some of the charges the Bushies will be leveling at Mr. Clarke:
- Performed a gay marriage ceremony between Richard Gere and a guinea pig.
- Was seen laughing hysterically at "The Passion Of The Christ".
- Trades abortion videos on Kazaa.
- Named illegimate son with Jane Fonda after Osama Bin Laden.
- Once burned a flag by striking a match on a broken chunk of the Alabama Ten Commandments monument.
- Had anal sex with a welfare mother while simultaneoulsy smoking crack and shooting up heroin at a Kim Jong Il Fan Club meeting on national broadcast television.
- Is actually the former host of American Bandstand without hair dye:
Oooh. That last one might stick.
Former terrorist czar Richard Clarke went on "60 Minutes" last night to claim that President Bush has done "a terrible job" fighting terrorism. In response, the White House trotted out National Security Adviser Condi Rice this morning on "Good Morning America", "Today", and "The Early Show" and possibly "Romper Room" for all we know to refute the charges. Among other things, she noted that Clarke, who at the time was the leading anti-terrorist expert at the White House, "wasn't involved in most of the meetings of the administration." Touché, Dick!
Anyway, Condi's whirlwind tour of the Diane & Charlie/Katie & Matt/Some Guy & A Random Blonde Chick triumvirate is only the beginning of the balls-out assault by the Bush Administration and its well-funded character evisceration apparatus. Here's a preview of some of the charges the Bushies will be leveling at Mr. Clarke:
- Performed a gay marriage ceremony between Richard Gere and a guinea pig.
- Was seen laughing hysterically at "The Passion Of The Christ".
- Trades abortion videos on Kazaa.
- Named illegimate son with Jane Fonda after Osama Bin Laden.
- Once burned a flag by striking a match on a broken chunk of the Alabama Ten Commandments monument.
- Had anal sex with a welfare mother while simultaneoulsy smoking crack and shooting up heroin at a Kim Jong Il Fan Club meeting on national broadcast television.
- Is actually the former host of American Bandstand without hair dye:
Oooh. That last one might stick.
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