NO STARTERS, NO PROBLEM

None of my starters were available for a savage beat down last night, and that was a good thing.  Luke Gregerson continued his remarkable run of success with another perfect inning.  His ERA is 1.69 with an unreal 0.49 WHIP and no homers allowed.  Nick Masset decreased his ERA to an even 9.00 with a scoreless inning last night.

On offense, Miggy Cabrera is making a good case for recovery from alcoholism with two more home runs.  His OPS is now 1.104, and he's fourth in baseball in True Average among players over 100 PA.  Andre Ethier is having a really good year.

In the minors, nobody did anything of note.

Also, I haven't seen the April stats file yet, but apparently the Gunslingers are tied for first with Brownsdale in the Patriot Central with a 16-12 record.  Playoffs, baby!  Where the Chuggers or Mammoths will flick me off their shirts like so much lint.

THE HORROR, THE HORROR

Jesus, what a mess.  I fly to North Dakota, and all hell breaks loose.  Kevin Millwood, Mark Buehrle, Jonathan Sanchez, Ben Sheets, and Jamie Moyer all got starts on Sunday, which would normally mean good things - they must be near the top of their teams' rotations to get a Sunday start, right?  Oy.

After the carnage ended, the Gunslingers amassed 25 earned runs in 29 and a third innings.  The team ERA now stands at 4.67 with a 1.40 WHIP.  It's getting into laughability territory, especially with Sheets, who will have to go on the DL or take a demotion or release soon if he doesn't get it together.  Moyer, at 48, can't be far from a pink slip as well.    Even the normally reliable Buehrle is getting regularly pounded.  Thank heavens for Millwood, who is off to a very nice start, although he gives up too many home runs.

The offense is treading water, but it's not nearly good enough to counteract this pitching Eyjafjallajokull.  Justin Smoak and his .666 (ok, .667) OPS pretty much say it all.

The minors were of minor consolation this weekend.  Alex White went seven shutout innings, and Mike Trout hit his first homer in pro ball.

Here's the awfulness:

BATTERS (Change Display Statistics)

Name	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS	AB	R	H	RBI	HR	CS	SB	TB	BB
Bobby Abreu	.284	.336	.490	.827	102	15	29	13	4	3	3	50	8
Miguel Cabrera	.340	.424	.592	1.016	103	16	35	27	5	2	1	61	14
Kosuke Fukudome	.342	.438	.630	1.068	73	14	25	17	5	1	1	46	14
Adrian Gonzalez	.294	.408	.553	.961	85	14	25	17	6	0	0	47	16
Aaron Hill	.205	.352	.409	.761	44	6	9	6	2	0	0	18	10
Russell Martin	.250	.344	.350	.694	80	12	20	5	2	0	1	28	11
Hunter Pence	.213	.239	.303	.543	89	11	19	7	2	1	2	27	3
Carlos Quentin	.173	.313	.383	.696	81	16	14	17	4	0	0	31	14
Alexei Ramirez	.215	.225	.304	.529	79	5	17	8	1	0	1	24	1
Justin Smoak	.167	.333	.333	.667	30	5	5	4	1	0	0	10	8
Chris Snyder	.262	.357	.508	.865	61	9	16	13	4	0	0	31	9
Andres Torres	.255	.352	.340	.692	47	5	12	4	0	1	3	16	7
Juan Uribe	.292	.346	.472	.818	72	11	21	16	3	1	1	34	7
David Wright	.274	.421	.536	.956	84	13	23	19	5	1	7	45	21
TOTAL	.262	.353	.454	.808	1,030	152	270	173	44	10	20	468	143

PITCHERS (Change Display Statistics)

Name	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS	G	GS	IP	W	L	SV	SO	ERA	WHIP	BS	Hold	R	ER	PA	AB	H	HR	TB	BB	UBB	IBB	HBP	SF	SH	DP	H9	SO9	HR9
Mark Buehrle	.297	.335	.462	.798	6	6	37.3	2	4	0	16	5.30	1.42	0	0	25	22	160	145	43	4	67	10	10	0	0	3	2	5	10.37	3.86	0.96
Luke Gregerson	.130	.167	.152	.319	12	0	13.3	0	0	0	14	2.03	0.60	0	7	4	3	48	46	6	0	7	2	1	1	0	0	0	1	4.05	9.45	0.00
Kenshin Kawakami	.286	.340	.476	.817	4	4	21.3	0	4	0	10	5.48	1.50	0	0	15	13	96	84	24	1	40	8	5	3	0	2	2	2	10.13	4.22	0.42
Nick Masset	.367	.458	.592	1.049	13	0	11.0	2	1	0	19	11.45	2.45	0	1	14	14	59	49	18	3	29	9	7	2	0	1	0	1	14.73	15.55	2.45
Brian Matusz	.265	.323	.350	.674	5	5	30.7	2	1	0	29	4.40	1.34	0	0	15	15	130	117	31	2	41	10	10	0	1	2	0	2	9.10	8.51	0.59
Jose Mijares	.462	.533	.923	1.456	5	0	3.0	0	0	0	2	6.00	2.67	0	2	2	2	16	13	6	2	12	2	2	0	0	0	1	1	18.00	6.00	6.00
Kevin Millwood	.255	.307	.425	.732	6	6	40.0	0	3	0	32	3.15	1.25	0	0	18	14	167	153	39	7	65	11	10	1	1	1	1	3	8.78	7.20	1.58
Jamie Moyer	.287	.331	.508	.839	5	5	30.0	3	2	0	15	5.70	1.33	0	0	21	19	131	122	35	7	62	5	5	0	3	0	1	2	10.50	4.50	2.10
Darren Oliver	.222	.271	.422	.693	12	0	13.0	0	0	1	13	2.08	0.92	1	2	3	3	48	45	10	2	19	2	1	1	1	0	0	4	6.92	9.00	1.38
Ramon Ramirez	.289	.333	.556	.889	10	0	10.7	0	1	1	5	6.75	1.50	0	1	8	8	48	45	13	2	25	3	2	1	0	0	0	0	10.97	4.22	1.69
Francisco Rodriguez	.154	.292	.205	.497	11	0	11.7	1	0	3	16	0.77	1.11	1	0	1	1	48	39	6	0	8	7	7	0	1	1	0	0	4.63	12.34	0.00
Jonathan Sanchez	.170	.306	.200	.506	5	5	29.0	2	2	0	37	2.48	1.21	0	0	8	8	122	100	17	0	20	18	17	1	2	1	1	2	5.28	11.48	0.00
Ben Sheets	.339	.408	.661	1.070	6	6	30.3	1	3	0	16	7.12	1.91	0	0	25	24	142	124	42	6	82	16	16	0	0	2	0	3	12.46	4.75	1.78
TOTAL	.268	.333	.441	.774	100	37	281.3	13	21	5	224	4.67	1.40	2	13	159	146	1,215	1,082	290	36	477	103	93	10	9	13	8	26	9.28	7.17	1.15