THE "ME" ENTRY

Why did it just occur to me today that both of Tony Orlando and Dawn's big hits are about non-verbal communication?

Sorry, searchers, Bitty Schram still isn't nude anywhere on my site, but today is my birthday! In honor of me, I've decided to list my many accomplishments.

Little League, 1976 - Hustle Award. Boy, have I changed.

Little League, 1978, 1979 - All-Star. My dad was the coach.

8th Grade Graduation, 1981 - Four of nine academic awards. That little b*tch Maureen, who now writes occasional book reviews for the New York Times (seriously), moved to my town for the last half of the year and took the other five. I'm not bitter. Hey, at least Michiko Kakutani didn't move into my town, or I wouldn't have won jack.

High School Graduation, 1985 - Valedictorian. It was a small town, and Maureen had long since moved away.

College Graduation, 1989 - Bachelor of Science, Chemical Engineering. Notice the distinct lack of Latin phrases after that.

Personal, 1993 - Marriage License. Just in case my wife ever discovers this blog.

Work, 1994 - 5 Year Service Award. Pretty much self-explanatory. And all-encompassing.

Home, 1996 - World's Greatest Dad, as awarded by my cat via my wife as proxy. This award was presented under a cloud of suspicion, where it remains today.

Other Work, 2003 - 5 Year Service Award. Somewhere along the line I decided that the 10-year Service Award at my first job was too challenging.

Well, that's it. Only two more years until I win the coveted Black Balloons of Middle Age award!