They say comedy is tragedy plus time. And it's been, what, two weeks?
So, with apologies to the Irwin family, and Bob Newhart...
This is Amalgamated Life Insurance, can I help you?
You want to purchase Life Insurance, ok. Name?
Steve Irwin...ok, occupation?
"Crocodile Hunter". Hmmm. Sir, before we go on, can I just say that what you just said, well, we in the Insurance game, we like to call that a "red flag".
Yes sir. We...no sir, it's a fine occupation and all, but it is a bit, well, you know, dangerous. Life-threatening you might say, and when your business is to insure life, that's a bit of a conundrum. Uh-uh. Yes. Oh, I'm sure you take a lot of precautions. I wouldn't...
Oh, I'm sure, sir. Well, sir, yes, I am here to help, so let's see what we can do. Now, do you by any chance hunt the little teeny-tiny crocodiles?
Oh, the big ones, I see.
"Man-eaters," you say. Well, that's not very helpful. Not helpful at all. Hmmm. Well, let's see. Where else can we go here....you probably don't hunt crocodiles exclusively, correct, sir?
That's good. Now we're getting somewhere. So, you mainly sit at a desk in front of a computer most of the time, and just hunt giant, man-eating crocodiles only part of the time, and...
Oh, I see. You also work with snakes. I thought you meant something else. Again sir, let me say that snake-handling is not looked at favorably at the corporate headquarters. No. Not really sir. Mmm-mmm. Yes. Oh, I am doing my best here, sir, but, you know, you're making it very difficult.
Now, this is probably a silly question, but these snakes...are they, by any chance, you know, poisonous?
I said I thought it was a silly question...Ok, well, sir, so far, things aren't looking too great, but we do have some high-premium policies you may be interested in, you know, assuming you don't, like, literally swim in shark-infested waters on a regular basis...um, sir, you don't swim in shark-infested waters on a regular basis, do you?
Sting rays? Oh, that shouldn't be a problem...