Leapin' lizards, the Phils won the series (you don't see "leapin' lizards" too much anymore, and that's a shame)! Jon Lieber allowed only one run through seven, and David Bell drove in two runs off Tom Glavine in the first inning for all the offense the Phillies would need. Ryan Howard contributed a solo home run for the 3-1 final. Now lose, Houston, damn you. The Nats are next for three over the weekend, and I'm going on Sunday if I can get some gas.
Meanwhile, Jodi challenged her readers to complete this meme, and I can't say no to her. I think I signed a contract in blood at some point when I started blogging. Anyway, here we go.
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Gluttony
2) Sloth
3) Greed
4) Pride
5) Envy
6) Lust
7) Hot tranny sex
7 things I can do:
1) The Hokey Pokey, but not well
2) Format a hard drive, sometimes intentionally
3) Create elaborate logos for Strat-o-Matic teams
4) I'm quite good at sabotaging my hopes and dreams with paralyzing fear
5) Justify large purchases of electronic equipment to myself
6) Watch the same movie dozens of times
7) Eat an entire container of macadamia nut caramel popcorn in one day
7 things I cannot do:
1) The pommel horse on a broken leg, despite what Bela Karolyi might say
2) Watch reality television, unless one of the Brady Bunch is somehow involved
3) Root for the Fucking Miami Dolphins (their official name in my house)
4) Understand the ending to "Trading Places"
5) Resist widdoe kitties (oh they're so cute!)
6) Not embarrass myself in front of an auto mechanic
7) Arrive late for anything (I'd be 20 minutes early to my own execution)
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1) Heartbeat
2) Pulse
3) Breathing
4) Two X chromosomes
5) Breasts
6) Vagina
7) Recognizing and laughing at a "Real Genius" reference
7 things that I say most often:
1) There's J-Roll, swinging at the first pitch...
2) Kitty girl!
3) Fucking iPod!
4) Bite me.
5) I hate myself.
6) Fucking Bill Gates!
7) Nice turn signal, asshole!
7 celebrity crushes:
1) Bobby Abreu
2) Catherine Zeta-Jones
3) Liz Phair
4) Dorothy Krysiuk
5) Thalia Assuras
6) Tom Brady
7) Miranda July
There's another section about the 7 people you want to see do this, but I don't know seven people, so I'm skipping it. So sad.
Feel free to complete this meme, at your own peril.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
DADDY UTLEY
Hold your horses. Throttle your engines. Cool your jets. Go to impulse power, Mr. Sulu. The Phils won.
Ok, mostly it was me who was panicking, but I have good reason. Pedro Martinez was no match for Chase Utley, who belted a pair homers in an impressive 8-2 victory. Ryan Howard and yes, Mike Lieberthal, contributed solo shots. Brett Myers gave up six hits and a walk in seven innings, giving way to two thirds of the holy trinity, Oogy and Wags, who finished off the Mets with no problems. I was in disposed as usual on Wednesday and only caught the top of the first and the bottom of the seventh onward. The Phillies even managed to overcome an early 2-0 deficit to send Pedro to his sixth defeat. The four homers marked only the third time in his career that he had yielded as many in one game.
Houston won to stay within a half game, but Florida lost, putting them a game back, the Mets 1.5 out and Washington two clear. It'll be Jon Lieber vs. Tom Glavine this afternoon in Flushing. Glavine was 3-2 with a 2.50 ERA in August. His ERA has gotten progressively better each month (except for a slight uptick in June) as we start September. The Phillies lit him up in May when he was scuffling terribly, and he hasn't had much success in the past three seasons against us. Lieber has been OK of late, but the Phils haven't scored a run in his last two starts.
It's looking like I may have to ship those tickets back to that guy in DC the way the gasoline supply is drying up. I work in the oil industry, and obviously I can't divulge much, but things are not looking good. Log on to www.fema.gov and please send a donation to the charity of your choice. Whatever we can give will help get that area back together more quickly so that we can all return to our usual profligate ways. Until then, the people in that area and I'm afraid most of the rest of us as well have a tough six months to a year ahead.
Ok, mostly it was me who was panicking, but I have good reason. Pedro Martinez was no match for Chase Utley, who belted a pair homers in an impressive 8-2 victory. Ryan Howard and yes, Mike Lieberthal, contributed solo shots. Brett Myers gave up six hits and a walk in seven innings, giving way to two thirds of the holy trinity, Oogy and Wags, who finished off the Mets with no problems. I was in disposed as usual on Wednesday and only caught the top of the first and the bottom of the seventh onward. The Phillies even managed to overcome an early 2-0 deficit to send Pedro to his sixth defeat. The four homers marked only the third time in his career that he had yielded as many in one game.
Houston won to stay within a half game, but Florida lost, putting them a game back, the Mets 1.5 out and Washington two clear. It'll be Jon Lieber vs. Tom Glavine this afternoon in Flushing. Glavine was 3-2 with a 2.50 ERA in August. His ERA has gotten progressively better each month (except for a slight uptick in June) as we start September. The Phillies lit him up in May when he was scuffling terribly, and he hasn't had much success in the past three seasons against us. Lieber has been OK of late, but the Phils haven't scored a run in his last two starts.
It's looking like I may have to ship those tickets back to that guy in DC the way the gasoline supply is drying up. I work in the oil industry, and obviously I can't divulge much, but things are not looking good. Log on to www.fema.gov and please send a donation to the charity of your choice. Whatever we can give will help get that area back together more quickly so that we can all return to our usual profligate ways. Until then, the people in that area and I'm afraid most of the rest of us as well have a tough six months to a year ahead.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
LIKE THE 17TH STREET LEVEE
Oh, the indignities of being a Phillies fan. They're going to do it again for the fourth straight year, and there is nothing we can do about it.
The 2005 Collapse started officially last night, as the Phils dropped a gut-wrenching game to the Mets, 6-4. Kenny Lofton put the Phils on the board in the first with a solo shot, his first since opening day, and after a Bobby Abreu single, Pat Burrell hit number 27 of the season to make it 3-0. The Mets got a solo homer from Carlos Beltran in the bottom of the first, but the Phils answered back with a run in the second using some little ball, with a Mike Lieberthal single, a Robbie Tejeda bunt, and a J-Roll single off Miguel Cairo's glove. Tejeda seemed to settle in at that point, blanking the Mets until the fifth, when Beltran smacked a two-out single to drive in Jose Reyes.
The turning point came in the top of the fifth. Lofton led off with a double over Victor Diaz's head in right, and then Utley hit a sharp single to center. Lofton appeared to get an excellent jump, and was sent home by Bill Dancy. Beltran made an unbelievable peg to the plate, which made the play much closer than it should have been. Lofton was clearly safe, but umpire Fieldin Culbreth had positioned himself between catcher Ramon Castro and the plate, completely missing seeing Lofton's foot slide in under the tag. The call was out, prompting Charlie Manuel, who had a much better view from the third base dugout, to get himself tossed from the game. To top it off, Utley inexplicably failed to move to second on the throw, and the Phils went quietly, well, for the entire rest of the game.
It still looked pretty good after Tejeda got out of the sixth inning without allowing another run, and it was time for Lock, Stock and Barrel. Unfortunately, it turned out more like Larry and Moe, and we never even got to Curly. Madson was wildly ineffective, giving up a double to Castro and eventually loading the bases on a hit-by-pitch and a walk before wild-pitching in the third Mets run. Chris Wheeler actually said something intelligent prior to the hit-by-pitch of Miguel Cairo. Madson had tried to come inside to the right-handed hitting Cairo earlier in the at-bat and just missed plunking him. Wheels noted at that point that since Madson doesn't have a good breaking ball with which to get Cairo fishing on the outer half, coming inside was a foolish and unnecessarily risky maneuver. Sure enough, Lieby called for another inside fastball that hit Cairo on the arm, bringing up the middle of the Mets order. Madson almost got out of it unscathed if not for the wild pitch to our buddy, Yukon Cornelius. Floyd later whiffed on a Madson change-up, which was the pitch he should have thrown to Cairo. It was about at that point I knew the game was lost. I was simply wondering how.
Ugueth Urbina quickly answered that question in the bottom of the eighth. He walked David Wright, who was out stealing second but was called safe, as one would expect by this point. Oogy got rookie Mike Jacobs swinging, but then walked Victor Diaz to bring up the immortal Ramon Castro. Castro has a lifetime BA/OBP/SLG line of .225/.305/.389. Yes, his lifetime slugging percentage is under .400. He was only in there because a real hitter, Mike Piazza, is on the DL. He was the number eight hitter in Willie Randolph's lineup last night. None of that seemed to matter. Oogy dished up a 1-0 fastball right down the middle, which Castro deposited into the left field seats for the coup de grace. This disastrous turn of events is exactly why we're not going to be a championship club. When a guy like Ramon Castro steps up and you absolutely have to get him out, a championship club finds a way to get him out. A team on the verge of yet another cave-in gives up a three-run homer. We now have the definitive answer to which team we are.
Of course, everybody else in the wild card race won. Four teams are now within a half game, with the Nats 1.5 back. We even blew a chance to move up on the Braves. And guess what? Only one of the two or three best pitchers in the last 30 years of baseball history, Pedro Martinez, is starting tonight's game, and he's red hot, not allowing a run in his last two starts. Don't wait, get your 2005 Phillies Collapse Self-Mutilation Kits today!
...And, to keep things in perspective, let's pray for New Orleans, everybody.
The 2005 Collapse started officially last night, as the Phils dropped a gut-wrenching game to the Mets, 6-4. Kenny Lofton put the Phils on the board in the first with a solo shot, his first since opening day, and after a Bobby Abreu single, Pat Burrell hit number 27 of the season to make it 3-0. The Mets got a solo homer from Carlos Beltran in the bottom of the first, but the Phils answered back with a run in the second using some little ball, with a Mike Lieberthal single, a Robbie Tejeda bunt, and a J-Roll single off Miguel Cairo's glove. Tejeda seemed to settle in at that point, blanking the Mets until the fifth, when Beltran smacked a two-out single to drive in Jose Reyes.
The turning point came in the top of the fifth. Lofton led off with a double over Victor Diaz's head in right, and then Utley hit a sharp single to center. Lofton appeared to get an excellent jump, and was sent home by Bill Dancy. Beltran made an unbelievable peg to the plate, which made the play much closer than it should have been. Lofton was clearly safe, but umpire Fieldin Culbreth had positioned himself between catcher Ramon Castro and the plate, completely missing seeing Lofton's foot slide in under the tag. The call was out, prompting Charlie Manuel, who had a much better view from the third base dugout, to get himself tossed from the game. To top it off, Utley inexplicably failed to move to second on the throw, and the Phils went quietly, well, for the entire rest of the game.
It still looked pretty good after Tejeda got out of the sixth inning without allowing another run, and it was time for Lock, Stock and Barrel. Unfortunately, it turned out more like Larry and Moe, and we never even got to Curly. Madson was wildly ineffective, giving up a double to Castro and eventually loading the bases on a hit-by-pitch and a walk before wild-pitching in the third Mets run. Chris Wheeler actually said something intelligent prior to the hit-by-pitch of Miguel Cairo. Madson had tried to come inside to the right-handed hitting Cairo earlier in the at-bat and just missed plunking him. Wheels noted at that point that since Madson doesn't have a good breaking ball with which to get Cairo fishing on the outer half, coming inside was a foolish and unnecessarily risky maneuver. Sure enough, Lieby called for another inside fastball that hit Cairo on the arm, bringing up the middle of the Mets order. Madson almost got out of it unscathed if not for the wild pitch to our buddy, Yukon Cornelius. Floyd later whiffed on a Madson change-up, which was the pitch he should have thrown to Cairo. It was about at that point I knew the game was lost. I was simply wondering how.
Ugueth Urbina quickly answered that question in the bottom of the eighth. He walked David Wright, who was out stealing second but was called safe, as one would expect by this point. Oogy got rookie Mike Jacobs swinging, but then walked Victor Diaz to bring up the immortal Ramon Castro. Castro has a lifetime BA/OBP/SLG line of .225/.305/.389. Yes, his lifetime slugging percentage is under .400. He was only in there because a real hitter, Mike Piazza, is on the DL. He was the number eight hitter in Willie Randolph's lineup last night. None of that seemed to matter. Oogy dished up a 1-0 fastball right down the middle, which Castro deposited into the left field seats for the coup de grace. This disastrous turn of events is exactly why we're not going to be a championship club. When a guy like Ramon Castro steps up and you absolutely have to get him out, a championship club finds a way to get him out. A team on the verge of yet another cave-in gives up a three-run homer. We now have the definitive answer to which team we are.
Of course, everybody else in the wild card race won. Four teams are now within a half game, with the Nats 1.5 back. We even blew a chance to move up on the Braves. And guess what? Only one of the two or three best pitchers in the last 30 years of baseball history, Pedro Martinez, is starting tonight's game, and he's red hot, not allowing a run in his last two starts. Don't wait, get your 2005 Phillies Collapse Self-Mutilation Kits today!
...And, to keep things in perspective, let's pray for New Orleans, everybody.
Monday, August 29, 2005
SNAKE MIS-HANDLING
Just what I was afraid of. Losing the D'Backs series is pretty much a worst-case scenario. Now, we're clinging to a half-game wild card lead as we enter a stretch of 22 straight games versus winning teams. A game and a half lead wouldn't have been much better, but it would have helped.
Friday's game was a tight one that turned into a blowout. I decided to stay up and watch the whole thing, since I'm stupid like that, but it turned out OK. Chase Utley hit a pair of homers in his first and third at-bats, but Brett Myers couldn't keep the Snakes off the board, and eventually was pulled after the fourth inning due to his general ineffectiveness and recurring temper tantrums. Luckily, we had a fresh bullpen. With the game tied at 3-3 in the seventh after Utley's second homer and with the bases loaded, Jason Michaels hit a sharp grounder to the left of Royce Clayton, who fielded it but couldn't even flip it to second because of the hustling Jimmy Rollins to make it 4-3. Bobby Abreu came up next and...
(We interrupt this blog entry for an obscenity-laced diatribe.)
I'm sick to death of hearing how Bobby Abreu can't hit in the clutch, or never gets a big hit, or, according to the drunken old fucker sitting a few rows away from us at Citizens Bank Park the other night, "Abreu is Spanish for 'no heart'". Go fuck yourself. Seriously, place your penis inside your own anus, and then take a picture with your digital camera and post it on the "Hot Or Not" web site, if you can manage it, you stupid fuck. You're probably one of those assholes who booed Mike Schmidt at the Vet all those years as he helped deliver the only Phillies world championship and played himself into the Hall of Fame. We'd be so far out of the playoff race without Abreu, the Rockies would salivate at the thought of playing us. That is all.
...smacked an enormous grand slam to just left of the center field fence to blow the game open at 8-3. That was Bobby's third granny this year. The last Phillie to do so was Gene Freese in 1959. The Phils tacked on three more runs, and newly acquired Aquilino Lopez tossed two hitless innings for the 11-3 final.
Saturday's game...uh, not so good. Jon Lieber was excellent, but Brandon Webb and Jose Valverde were better, shutting out the Phils 2-0. The only runs were provided by Alex Cintron, who hit a nine-iron off his shoelaces just over Bobby's glove and the fence for a two-run homer in the seventh. Webb is a typical pitcher the Phils hate: not overpowering, but with a great sinker that is always around the plate. Valverde then came in and threw molten lava which the Phillies couldn't touch, even when it was right down the middle.
Then came Sunday. In a word, Ugh. Vicente Padilla had no command whatsoever, walking the bases loaded in the third before Shawn Green lifted a grand slam just into the left field seats for 6-2 Arizona lead. The Phils started to chip away until Rheal "Oh, No, Canada!" Cormier gave up four runs in a third of an inning, three of those on a Troy Glaus homer. Final: 10-5. Rheal, make sure to declare any fruits and vegetables at Customs on your way back to Quebec.
So, here we stand, a half-game up on Florida and heading for a three game set on Tuesday at Shea followed by three at RFK. I purchased tickets on e-Bay for the Sunday game in Washington, so that will be a loss. Sorry. I'm jonesing big time for RFK's delicious french fries, plus we just bought a new digital camera that I want to try out. If I am able to take a photo of Rheal Cormier, well, God help us.
Friday's game was a tight one that turned into a blowout. I decided to stay up and watch the whole thing, since I'm stupid like that, but it turned out OK. Chase Utley hit a pair of homers in his first and third at-bats, but Brett Myers couldn't keep the Snakes off the board, and eventually was pulled after the fourth inning due to his general ineffectiveness and recurring temper tantrums. Luckily, we had a fresh bullpen. With the game tied at 3-3 in the seventh after Utley's second homer and with the bases loaded, Jason Michaels hit a sharp grounder to the left of Royce Clayton, who fielded it but couldn't even flip it to second because of the hustling Jimmy Rollins to make it 4-3. Bobby Abreu came up next and...
(We interrupt this blog entry for an obscenity-laced diatribe.)
I'm sick to death of hearing how Bobby Abreu can't hit in the clutch, or never gets a big hit, or, according to the drunken old fucker sitting a few rows away from us at Citizens Bank Park the other night, "Abreu is Spanish for 'no heart'". Go fuck yourself. Seriously, place your penis inside your own anus, and then take a picture with your digital camera and post it on the "Hot Or Not" web site, if you can manage it, you stupid fuck. You're probably one of those assholes who booed Mike Schmidt at the Vet all those years as he helped deliver the only Phillies world championship and played himself into the Hall of Fame. We'd be so far out of the playoff race without Abreu, the Rockies would salivate at the thought of playing us. That is all.
...smacked an enormous grand slam to just left of the center field fence to blow the game open at 8-3. That was Bobby's third granny this year. The last Phillie to do so was Gene Freese in 1959. The Phils tacked on three more runs, and newly acquired Aquilino Lopez tossed two hitless innings for the 11-3 final.
Saturday's game...uh, not so good. Jon Lieber was excellent, but Brandon Webb and Jose Valverde were better, shutting out the Phils 2-0. The only runs were provided by Alex Cintron, who hit a nine-iron off his shoelaces just over Bobby's glove and the fence for a two-run homer in the seventh. Webb is a typical pitcher the Phils hate: not overpowering, but with a great sinker that is always around the plate. Valverde then came in and threw molten lava which the Phillies couldn't touch, even when it was right down the middle.
Then came Sunday. In a word, Ugh. Vicente Padilla had no command whatsoever, walking the bases loaded in the third before Shawn Green lifted a grand slam just into the left field seats for 6-2 Arizona lead. The Phils started to chip away until Rheal "Oh, No, Canada!" Cormier gave up four runs in a third of an inning, three of those on a Troy Glaus homer. Final: 10-5. Rheal, make sure to declare any fruits and vegetables at Customs on your way back to Quebec.
So, here we stand, a half-game up on Florida and heading for a three game set on Tuesday at Shea followed by three at RFK. I purchased tickets on e-Bay for the Sunday game in Washington, so that will be a loss. Sorry. I'm jonesing big time for RFK's delicious french fries, plus we just bought a new digital camera that I want to try out. If I am able to take a photo of Rheal Cormier, well, God help us.
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