TOP TEN THINGS THE CITY OF PHILADELPHIA WILL MISS NOW THAT "THE REAL WORLD" HAS LEFT
10. More appearances by the giant inflatable rat. He's so cute!
9. Some black guy getting tossed out of the house on his ass.
8. Seven young, highly motivated uh, advertising...or possibly fashion...or something...interns.
7. Lucrative revenue stream from hot tub cleaning and supplies.
6. Lucrative revenue stream from bail bondsmen and process servers.
5. Roommates' constant complaints about the smell.
4. Gripping video of Caleb from Arkansas eating his first cheese steak.
3. Some serious sex with roommates' visiting girlfriends/boyfriends.
2. Guest star Jack Osborne pissing on the Liberty Bell.
And the number one thing the City of Philadelphia will miss now that "The Real World" has left is:
1. "Total Request Live" from Independence Hall!
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
THE WEARIN' O' THE PUKE
It's St. Patrick's Day. I wonder, do full-time alcoholics get defensive on St. Patrick's Day? I mean, do they sit around saying, "Where the hell are you people the rest of the year? Welcome to my world! Have fun with that hangover tomorrow, you lousy solid citizens!" Or are they pretty much the only ones who are getting drunk today just like every other day?
It's St. Patrick's Day. I wonder, do full-time alcoholics get defensive on St. Patrick's Day? I mean, do they sit around saying, "Where the hell are you people the rest of the year? Welcome to my world! Have fun with that hangover tomorrow, you lousy solid citizens!" Or are they pretty much the only ones who are getting drunk today just like every other day?
Monday, March 15, 2004
OH GOD
According to the NY Times, Hollywood executives are rethinking faith films in light of the success of Mel Gibson's "The Passion Of The Christ".
Some movies in the pipeline include:
"David" by Jerry Bruckheimer Productions. Goliath gives him all he can handle, until David kicks some Philistine ass! Starring Colin Farrell.
"Sodom and Gomorrah", by Paul Verhoeven. They don't call it "sodomy" for nothing! Starring Sharon Stone, Elizabeth Berkley, and Mr. T.
"Genesis: The Trilogy", from the Wachowski Brothers. Keanu Reeves is Adam, leader of a new race in a new world. But is it real? After watching all three films, you may still not know. Also starring Carrie-Ann Moss as Eve.
"Jonah", by The Farrelly Brothers. Living inside a whale is even more disgusting (and hilarious) than it sounds! With Jim Carrey and David Spade as the voice of the whale.
"Teen Jesus", from the makers of the "American Pie" series. Jesus tries to get into a good carpentry school with the help of the irrepressible Judas and a cast of wacky teen apostles! Topher Grace is the Messiah, and Jack Black is his wisecracking betrayor-to-be.
According to the NY Times, Hollywood executives are rethinking faith films in light of the success of Mel Gibson's "The Passion Of The Christ".
Some movies in the pipeline include:
"David" by Jerry Bruckheimer Productions. Goliath gives him all he can handle, until David kicks some Philistine ass! Starring Colin Farrell.
"Sodom and Gomorrah", by Paul Verhoeven. They don't call it "sodomy" for nothing! Starring Sharon Stone, Elizabeth Berkley, and Mr. T.
"Genesis: The Trilogy", from the Wachowski Brothers. Keanu Reeves is Adam, leader of a new race in a new world. But is it real? After watching all three films, you may still not know. Also starring Carrie-Ann Moss as Eve.
"Jonah", by The Farrelly Brothers. Living inside a whale is even more disgusting (and hilarious) than it sounds! With Jim Carrey and David Spade as the voice of the whale.
"Teen Jesus", from the makers of the "American Pie" series. Jesus tries to get into a good carpentry school with the help of the irrepressible Judas and a cast of wacky teen apostles! Topher Grace is the Messiah, and Jack Black is his wisecracking betrayor-to-be.
NEVER MIND
I'm not doing the stupid lame Sopranos bit this week or ever again. I've got absolutely nothing, and there's no point in trying to force it. I rarely watch TV aside from HBO any more, and it's very hard to make fun of something you don't watch. That was the whole point of this bit, in case you didn't get it. The Sopranos is actually a good show, and nearly everything else on TV is crap. So, I created this scenario of what the Sopranos would be if it was on any other channel, which basically amounts to that it would also be crap. It's kind of an obvious point, and I no longer feel compelled to make it.
Other than that, I have nothing to say. Here's a joke from last year at about this time that still holds up pretty well.
I'm not doing the stupid lame Sopranos bit this week or ever again. I've got absolutely nothing, and there's no point in trying to force it. I rarely watch TV aside from HBO any more, and it's very hard to make fun of something you don't watch. That was the whole point of this bit, in case you didn't get it. The Sopranos is actually a good show, and nearly everything else on TV is crap. So, I created this scenario of what the Sopranos would be if it was on any other channel, which basically amounts to that it would also be crap. It's kind of an obvious point, and I no longer feel compelled to make it.
Other than that, I have nothing to say. Here's a joke from last year at about this time that still holds up pretty well.
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