TOP TEN REASONS MEL GIBSON SHOULD USE TO CONVINCE THEATERS TO SHOW "THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST" THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON

10. Filmgoers can use it as a chance to brush up on their Aramaic.

9. Marketing tie-ins with 84 Lumber.

8. 37% reduction of Jew-blaming in the final cut.

7. James Caviezel looks hot in a loincloth.

6. Vatican-approved, unlike Lethal Weapon 1, 2, and 3 (The Pope liked the Chris Rock character in 4).

5. Two words: Mary Magdelene!

4. Nerds in line for "Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King" dressed as Gollum will fit right in.

3. Last Supper scene will help increase sales of Twizzler Combo Packs.

2. Pontius Pilate to be played by Britney Spears in select theaters.

And the No. 1 reason Mel Gibson should use to convince theaters to show "The Passion Of The Christ" this Christmas season is:

1. Our society has completely lost touch with the true meaning of Christmas and has reduced the holiday to a consumer driven frenzy of - ah fuck it, I'm Mel Gibson, dammit, doesn't that mean anything any more?