BRONX CHEER

Removing the last obstacle for the New York Yankees' pending acquisition of slugger Alex Rodriguez, Major League Baseball has OK'd the trade, and in a related move, declared the Bronx Bombers to be World Series Champions for 2004.

Baseball Commissioner Allen H. "Bud" Selig presented the championship trophy to an elated George Steinbrenner in a brief ceremony at his office in Tampa, where the Yankees were to start Spring Training this week. "This is great!" said Steinbrenner. "We earned it, let me tell you. I want to thank the Commissioner, my General Manager Brian Cashman, and of course, Alex Rodriguez, for making this possible. Oh, yeah, and all the fans who pay me to get the YES Network on their cable boxes. This one's for them!"

Rodriguez, known popularly as A-Rod, would have played third base for the Yankees this season had there been one. "I'm just glad the Commissioner saw the light and decided to just give us a ring," said Rodriguez. "This sure beats playing a long hot season in Texas!"

At a press conference following the trophy presentation, Selig told a group of reporters, "It seemed like the right thing to do given the circumstances. I'd hate to see a bunch of guys get injured, operated on, experience the bitter taste of failure, what have you, all trying to do the impossible. Sure, some of the other teams will take a financial hit, but it just goes to show you how bad we need revenue sharing in baseball."

The Major League Baseball Players Association was consulted before the trade and the handing of the title to the Yankees, and gave their blessing. "As long as our guys get paid, it's no skin off our nose," said Union Director and General Counsel Donald Fehr.

The Yankees announced a ticker tape parade through Manhattan to begin at 1:00 PM tomorow to celebrate their 27th World Championship. Boston Red Sox fans were distraught as usual. "The Curse strikes again," moaned long-time Sox booster Dan O'Shaugnessy of South Boston. "We almost got A-Rod. If only we had $254 million, this could have been our year."