SCENES FROM LAST NIGHT'S "THE SOPRANOS" HAD HBO MERGED WITH ANOTHER NETWORK

I can't believe I'm doing this pathetic bit again. Oh well, here we go for season 5. I gotta write something in this thing.

This week's network is NBC.

SCENE: Carmella sends A.J. on an errand, and a bear appears in the back yard.

EXTRA SCENE: "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" drops in to give A.J. a makeover, but after watching him repeatedly scream, "Mommy", they decide their work is done.

SCENE: Carmine has a stroke and nearly chokes on his egg salad.

EXTRA SCENE: The "Fear Factor" final challenge is to give Carmine mouth-to-mouth, and then eat the egg salad.

SCENE: Feech La Manna asks Tony if he can "get back in the game".

EXTRA SCENE: To everyone's surprise, the game is "The Apprentice". Donald Trump immediately appoints Feech to Project Manager of Versacorp over the protests of Nick, whose lifeless body is later found in a dumpster on 7th Avenue.

SCENE: Paulie Walnuts shoots a waiter who is having an epilectic seizure after the waiter complained about not getting a tip and Christopher beaned him with a rock.

EXTRA SCENE: The "ER" gang medi-vacs in and stabilizes the waiter, but only after smolderingly sexy Dr. Luka Kovac finally decides which hot County General chick to bang steady.

SCENE: Dr. Melfi rejects Tony's advances after Tony confronts her in her office.

EXTRA SCENE: Phoebe sets up Tony with Rachel, Ross gets jealous, and hilarity (and high-caliber weaponry) ensues. So much for a Ross spin-off!