DOWNWARD UPWARD MOBILITY

Wackenhut, the security firm essentially fired after 9/11 by the US Government from their bang-up job of protecting the nation's airports, is now protecting the nation's uranium stockpile, with predictable results.

What if the sports world and the private sector worked like the government? Here are a few historical headlines that might have been:

1973: MUNICH BASKETBALL ARENA TIMER TO RUN SWISS WATCH COMPANY

1979: JOE PISARCIK TABBED AS GIANTS OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR

1987: BILL BUCKNER TO RELEASE FIELDING INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO

1991: BILLS SIGN SCOTT NORWOOD TO LIFETIME PLACE-KICKING CONTRACT

1998: TYSON CHOSEN AS NY TIMES FOOD CRITIC

2004: BARTMAN GETS FREE CUBS SEASON TICKETS, FIRST ROW THIRD BASE LINE