MARCH ON WASHINGTON, POSSIBLY LITERALLY

Leapin' lizards, the Phils won the series (you don't see "leapin' lizards" too much anymore, and that's a shame)! Jon Lieber allowed only one run through seven, and David Bell drove in two runs off Tom Glavine in the first inning for all the offense the Phillies would need. Ryan Howard contributed a solo home run for the 3-1 final. Now lose, Houston, damn you. The Nats are next for three over the weekend, and I'm going on Sunday if I can get some gas.

Meanwhile, Jodi challenged her readers to complete this meme, and I can't say no to her. I think I signed a contract in blood at some point when I started blogging. Anyway, here we go.

7 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Gluttony
2) Sloth
3) Greed
4) Pride
5) Envy
6) Lust
7) Hot tranny sex

7 things I can do:
1) The Hokey Pokey, but not well
2) Format a hard drive, sometimes intentionally
3) Create elaborate logos for Strat-o-Matic teams
4) I'm quite good at sabotaging my hopes and dreams with paralyzing fear
5) Justify large purchases of electronic equipment to myself
6) Watch the same movie dozens of times
7) Eat an entire container of macadamia nut caramel popcorn in one day

7 things I cannot do:
1) The pommel horse on a broken leg, despite what Bela Karolyi might say
2) Watch reality television, unless one of the Brady Bunch is somehow involved
3) Root for the Fucking Miami Dolphins (their official name in my house)
4) Understand the ending to "Trading Places"
5) Resist widdoe kitties (oh they're so cute!)
6) Not embarrass myself in front of an auto mechanic
7) Arrive late for anything (I'd be 20 minutes early to my own execution)

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1) Heartbeat
2) Pulse
3) Breathing
4) Two X chromosomes
5) Breasts
6) Vagina
7) Recognizing and laughing at a "Real Genius" reference

7 things that I say most often:
1) There's J-Roll, swinging at the first pitch...
2) Kitty girl!
3) Fucking iPod!
4) Bite me.
5) I hate myself.
6) Fucking Bill Gates!
7) Nice turn signal, asshole!

7 celebrity crushes:
1) Bobby Abreu
2) Catherine Zeta-Jones
3) Liz Phair
4) Dorothy Krysiuk
5) Thalia Assuras
6) Tom Brady
7) Miranda July

There's another section about the 7 people you want to see do this, but I don't know seven people, so I'm skipping it. So sad.

Feel free to complete this meme, at your own peril.