CONSTRUCTIVE DIALOGUE

George Bush met with 13 former Secretaries of Defense and State at the White House yesterday, "allowing five to 10 minutes for interchange before herding the whole group into the Oval Office for what he called a 'family picture'", according to the Sydney Herald.

Here is a rush transcript of the meeting.

BUSH: Ok, everybody, you have 5 to 10 minutes to critique me on the war. Ladies first. Mad Dog?

Madeleine Albright: Are you referring to me, Mr. President?

BUSH: Who else would it be? Heh-heh

Albright: Um, ok. Well, Mr. President, isn't the war in Iraq taking up all the energy of your foreign policy team? I feel that you've let the nuclear programs in Iran and North Korea spin out of control and allowed Latin America and China policy to suffer by neglect.

BUSH: Next! Eagle-man?

Lawrence Eagleburger: Well, sir, your father may have been correct when...

BUSH: Next! Mr. I'm-In-Charge-Here?

Alexander Haig: You're doing fantastic things in Iraq, Mr. President.

BUSH: Go on.

Haig: That's all I have prepared.

BUSH. Ok, ok. Good enough. Brownie? Whoops, I better not use that nickname. Got me in trouble. Harry-guy?

Harold Brown: Mr. President, I don't feel that your administration is doing enough to address the humanitarian crisis...

BUSH: Next! Sergeant Schultz?

George Schultz: I know nothing!

BUSH: Ha-ha! I love that bit.

George Schultz: Seriously, Mr. President, I don't really know anything.

BUSH: I can sympathize. Mack-Daddy?

Robert MacNamara: Have you seen the film "Fog of War", Mr. President?

BUSH: No, was Arnold Schwarzenegger in it?

MacNamara: No, sir, "Fog Of War" is a documentary where I lay out the 11 lessons I learned from the Vietnam War.

BUSH: If it's not on DVD, I probably missed it. The Secret Service makes a run to Blockbuster every Friday. Mostly new releases, although I like them old westerns. Man, I don't know how they cleared all that brush back in those days without chain saws.

MacNamara: In any event, sir, I recommend that you screen it some day.

BUSH: Thanks, Mack-Daddy. Will do. I have a Gabby Hayes retrospectacle coming up on the schedule next weekend. I'll see if they can slip it in to break up the monogamy. Balloonfoot?

Colin Powell: (silence)

BUSH: Ok, I get it. You never did like that nickname, didja? Ok, Colin, what ya got.

Powell: (more silence)

BUSH: Fair enough. Wasn't like I was gonna listen anyway. (Looks down at watchless wrist) Ok, folks, time's up, off to the Oval to get our family picture taken. Jeez, Colin, at least smile for the camera, will ya?