WILD TIE

Forty-two more games. Twenty-four road games, 18 home games. This is what separates us from the post-season after last night's 4-3 defeat of the Nats. I'll allow myself about twelve hours of happiness until reality sets in.

J-Roll and Kenny Lofton scored in the first off Washington starter Esteban Loaiza on a Chase Utley sac fly and a Pat Burrell double respectively. In the fourth, Vinny Castilla hit his 943rd home run off Phillies pitching to make it 2-1, and then starter Jon Lieber allowed a double to Christian Guzman, a guy who's been "on the interstate" so long he has a frequent guest card at EconoLodge. A real hitter, Jose Vidro, singled in Guzman to tie it up. Answering back quickly, Rollins and Lofton reached base again in the bottom of the inning, on a single and a double, and Bobby Abreu earned the Phillies Radio Network Star Of The Game (I was listening on the way home last night) by doubling off the Lukoil sign in left center to score both runners. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot held on to the lead barely, with Madson (I guess he would be Yakko) yielding a sac fly to Vinnie after the Nats led off the seventh with a single and a ground-rule double. Wags gave up a leadoff single to Jose Guillen in the ninth before striking out the next two hitters and amazingly getting Vinnie to ground out. Aside from the fourth inning, Lieber was terrific, giving up only three hits and a walk in six innings for his 12th win.

With Houston losing to the Cubs, The Phillies and Astros have identical 64-56 records. We play Houston at home for three in September, and we play the other team with which we are tied in the loss column, Washington, eight more times starting with a doubleheader today. Baseball Prospectus puts our playoff odds at 27.4%, while Houston's are 32.3%. The difference in expected wins between the two teams is only one win, with neither team predicted to win 90 games. Those eight games with Washington, six of which are at RFK, appear to be the key games. They've been tremendous at home (34-22), and we tend not to play well in pitcher's parks. We took two of three there in April, though. This upcoming twelve-game, four-city, bi-coastal road trip with no days off could also serve to expose us like Jude Law changing into his swim trunks (you can find the link to that photo yourself, weirdo. It wasn't that special anyway. I mean...never mind). When you look at it, there isn't really any series we can afford to lose. Let's see...yeah, my twelve hours are nearly up.

IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD HURLER

It's hard to win a game when you're having a two-hour temper tantrum, as Brett Myers discovered last night. Myers, acting like Terrell Owens after being told to shut up, snit-fitted his way through six miserable innings and three Nationals' homers as the Phils fell by a 6-3 score. I literally got a migraine headache in about the fourth inning and had to go to bed. It was a bad night all around. Larry Bowa's ghost, in the form of his nephew Nick Johnson, struck in the first inning with the first Washington home run. Preston Wilson, our nemesis from his days with the Marlins, hit the other two off Myers. On our side, Jimmy Rollins is now 2 for his last 35, and the umps blew the call on Wilson's second homer, which did not clear the fence in right field, and may have even been interfered with by a fan.

Corey Lidle tries to tie the series tonight vs. Ryan Drese, who we've smacked around pretty good this year against two different teams. The Astros won, dropping us into third place in the wild card, 1.5 games back. Once again, we get oh so close, and then drop back. As Brett Myers would say, "G*dd!mn M#therf^cking C%cks*ck%ng ..."

PEARLS BEFORE SWOON?

A half-game. We're only a half-game out of the playoffs! How can that be?

Well, one of the reasons is the San Diego Padres. The Phillies completed a season sweep of the Padres on Sunday, wrapping up a 5-1 SoCal road trip. Friday's game turned on a first inning three-run homer by Pat Burrell, who has been an OPS machine in recent days. Jake Peavy was spectacular in innings two through seven, but Jon Lieber was a little bit better overall, holding the Padres to single runs in the first and fourth innings. San Diego nearly tied it in the fourth if not for their freakishly large right field power alley. Mark Sweeney connected on a center-of-the-plate fastball, driving it well over Kenny Lofton's and Bobby Abreu's heads. It seemed like an easy home run off the bat, but it didn't even reach the fence in the air, bouncing in front of the 411 sign. Sweeney was held to a double, and was left stranded to finish the scoring for the night at 3-2. Snap, Crackle, and Pop gave up two hits and struck out three in three innings.

Vicente Padilla faced off with Pedro Astacio on Saturday night. Both pitchers were brilliant through six, until David Bell finally drove in Pat Burrell with two outs in the seventh with a hard single to left. Oogie Urbina relieved Padilla in the eighth and walked leadoff hitter Ryan Klesko before striking out Brian Giles and Mark Sweeney. Urbina then walked Mark Loretta and had two strikes on Khalil Greene before yielding a long double to the wall in center. Klesko scored easily, but Lofton and Utley made perfect relay throws to nail Loretta and preserve the tie. Bruce Bochy opted to bring in closer Trevor Hoffman to start the ninth. Hoffman never looked comfortable, giving up three straight singles to Abreu, Burrell, and Ryan Howard, followed by a sac bunt by Bell and a sac fly by Mike Lieberthal. Jason Michaels ended Hoffman's dismal evening by tripling in the fourth run. Rudy Seanez then wild-pitched Michaels in to make it 5-1. With the save situation gone, Billy Wagner put his jacket back on in favor of Aaron Fultz. Fultz made Billy take his jacket right back off when Miguel Olivo led off the bottom of the ninth with a homer to the left field bleachers. After a one-out walk to Xavier Nady, Wags came on and retired the final two hitters for the save and a 5-2 final.

Sunday's game ceased to be a contest when the Phils sent nine men to the plate before making an out in the fifth inning. The final toll was seven runs on six hits and two brutal Padres errors. The first error was by catcher Miguel Olivo, who tried to get the force at third on Robbie Tejeda's sac bunt. The ball ended up in left field, scoring David Bell with the first run of the inning. Later, after starter Chan Ho Park had been pulled, ageless Eric Young, who had made a terrific diving play earlier on Kenny Lofton, blew a routine fielder's choice by throwing wide to second base. That opened the door for Pat Burrell and Ryan Howard to drive in three more runs. Tejeda made it through seven innings for the first time all season, and despite another inflammable Frenchie Cormier inning, the Phils held on to win 8-3. Tejeda lowered his ERA to 2.71.

As noted earlier, Houston lost two of three at home to the Bucs to tighten the wild card race to a mere half-game. The Astros stay home to face the Cubs, who played well to take two of three against the Cards at Wrigley this weekend. We travel cross-country back home to take on the pesky Nationals in what should be a grinding four game series, followed by the Pirates for three. Believe it or not, I have purchased tickets for the Friday game vs. Pittsburgh for what should be my only excursion to Citizens Bank Park this season. I finally convinced my Texas-born wife that at least Bull's Bar-B-Que would be worth the trip. I'll post some photos next week.

I'm still very skeptical we can win this playoff spot. There are simply too many road games left, and too many home games and way too many virtuoso starting pitchers for Houston. Also, Tejeda can't possibly stay effective with that BB/IP ratio, and Charlie can't keep flogging the Nina, the Pinta and The Santa Maria the way he's been doing without one of them breaking down. Throw in an inevitable slump from either Abreu, Burrell, and/or Utley, and we'll be lucky to finish out of last. The late August/early September dive has been the Phillies way for several years now. It's August 15th. Get ready.

STAY CLASSY

Predictable. In fact, I did predict it. Odalis Perez did in fact stymie the Phillies hitters last night, holding them to a paltry five hits in eight innings on his way to a leisurely 5-1 win in the series finale. Chase Utley (who else?) scored the only run for the Phils after tripling in the second inning. Corey Lidle struggled to find the strike zone, walking six before turning a 4-1 game over to Aaron Fultz, who allowed a homer to Jason Phillips during his second and final inning of work. The game was put hopelessly out of reach (by Phillies' standards) in the fifth when two of Lidle's walks were driven home by a Jeff Kent double.

Just when we thought we had some traction in the wild card race, we drop another game to the Astros. Andy Pettitte beat Ryan Drese of the Nats to propel Houston to a 2.5 game lead. Next, we travel down the coast to San Diego, which of course is German for "a whale's vagina". Actual Padre ace Jake Peavy starts tonight against our paycheck ace, Jon Lieber. The Astros get the lowly Bucs at home for three, meaning this could be the weekend they put us in the rearview mirror for good. Great Odin's raven!

BROKEN THOME

We won another one! On the road!

Ryan Howard, as of yesterday the full-time first baseman for the Phils for the remainder of the season now that Jim Thome will be undergoing season-ending elbow surgery, crushed a salami in the ninth inning off beleaguered Dodgers closer Yhency Brazoban to propel the Phils to a 9-5 win.

Bobby Abreu hit another first inning homer, this time with only one on, to start the scoring. Jeff Kent answered with a three-run shot in the bottom half of the first. The Phillies tied it on a bases-loaded grounder by Brett Myers in the fourth. That's when the sandman took over for me. After I dozed off, the Phillies took a 5-3 lead on a Pat Burrell double and a Howard ground out in the fifth. The simmering volcano that is Milton Bradley re-tied the game with a two-run dinger off Myers, who ended up pitching seven decent innings except for the homers. Good thing this wasn't a home game or we'd have to endure more endless hand wringing about how much of a bandbox Citizens Bank Park is. I mean, sure it is, but does anybody think Dave Montgomery is going to tear out ten rows of $30 seats in left field? He'd rather pimp out his own mother. Knowing him, he may do that anyway, if she's still alive.

Back to the action, so to speak. The Phils blew an opportunity to take the lead in the eighth after Black Hole Sun #2, Mike Lieberthal (I guess Charlie doesn't watch Daily News Live), uncharacteristically doubled to lead off, and was pinch run for by Endy Chavez. Tomas Perez bunted Chavez to third, but then J-Roll whiffed and Lofton lined out to center to end the threat. I'm happy to have been sound asleep for that inning. Oogie retired the Dodgers in the bottom half of the eighth to set up Howard's game winner. Brazoban hit Utley to lead it off, and after Chase stole second, Bobby was given a free pass and Burrell drew another walk the hard way. I didn't see the slam, but according to ESPN, Ryan hit it to right-center, which is unusual for him. With the four-run lead, Madson was summoned, and he retired the Dodgers in order to rest up Wagner in case he's needed in game three. By the way, I'm going to stop calling them the Swingin' Bullpen Trio and start using names from RateItAll.com for famous trios, you know, to mix it up. Therefore, tonight's game was Bacon and Lettuce with no Tomato.

The Astros beat the Nats 7-6 to help them start a new losing streak in one-run games, we hope. We're back in second place in the wild card, still 1.5 games out, with the Nats and Marlins two games back. I'll bet you'll never guess what Atlanta did. I think that 30-5 run I predicted for the Braves is coming true. God bless 'em. We aren't going to catch them, that's for certain.

PAT RE-ACQUAINTED WITH BAT

The Dodgers went back to Brad Penny after all, and he pitched well, but the Phils jumped on reliever Steve (Doctor) Schmoll for five runs in the eighth inning and won 8-4. Pat Burrell hit a three-run homer, his first since July 19th (are they blaming that on the Home Run Derby, too?), and Ryan Howard followed with a solo shot. I went to bed after Chase Utley fanned to end the top of the third inning. Robbie Tejeda went five, allowing two runs on five hits and four walks. Aaron Fultz preceded the Swingin' Bullpen Trio to finish out the game. Oogie Urbina gave up two runs after the Phils had taken a 6-2 lead, but then the Phils rallied for two more runs in the ninth to make it a non-save opportunity for Billy Wagner.

Nice win. Unfortunately, with Penny starting game one, that means we get Lowe and Perez again in games two and three. Lowe throws sinkers, and you just have to ask Tomo Ohka (or his interpreter) about how much the Phillies love swinging at and missing balls in the dirt. Perez, meanwhile, is another in a procession of lefthanders that routinely mystify the Phillies lineup. I'm reading that the "Black Hole" numbers regarding David Bell and Mike Lieberthal hitting back-to-back have made it onto Comcast Sportsnet. Good work by blog commenter George S. and blogger Jason Weitzel of Beerleaguer. Maybe Charlie will think about batting Bell second against Perez. Bell has a 1.026 OPS vs. southpaws in 106 plate appearances. Or, since it's a mini-travel day, maybe he'll start Todd Pratt (1.239 OPS vs. lefties in 34 PA). Or both. Anything but the Black Hole, please!

The Astros lost to the Nationals and the Marlins won, moving all three wild card trailers up a game. The Nats are a game out, we're a game and a half, and the Fish are two out. I can't believe we're still in this thing. Intellectually, I'm looking at all the upcoming road games, the Astros parsimonious starting pitching, the way our offense decides to take games off once or twice a week, the fact that we're relying on walk-machine Robbie Tejeda to somehow continue to not give up bunches of runs, Jon Lieber's 5.00 ERA, etc., etc., and coming to the conclusion that there is no way, no how this bunch will be playing meaningful games in late September. But then I look at the standings and we're always within one good week of taking the wild card lead. I wish we would either make a 20-5 or a 5-20 run and get it over with. It's the uncertainty that I hate the most. I'm blaming it on the wild card. Without that, this division race is o-vah. The Braves are calling up guys from Richmond who are better than all the veterans on the Phillies roster, and they keep winning even if most of their lineup isn't old enough to remember Steve Carlton, and the rest were once teammates with him (Julio Franco, 1987 Indians). The wild card, though, is sitting there, beckoning to us like a Siren perched on a rock, driving us all to madness. I guess that would make Charlie Manuel Ulysses, although he fits in better as Everett from "Oh Brother Where Art Thou". Or at least Delmar.

BITTER BREW

Another weekend of lost opportunity. The Brewers took two of three from the Phils at home at a time when home games are dwindling to a precious few. On Friday, Ben Sheets was his dominant self, as feared, ceding only an eighth inning homer to Bobby Abreu over nine innings. Corey Lidle matched the big righthander, giving up one solo homer to Geoff Jenkins over eight innings. With the Swingin' Bullpen Trio gassed from overuse, Charlie was forced to employ first Frenchie Cormier, who negotiated the ninth, and then Geoff Geary, who was not as fortunate in the tenth. Bill Hall led off the inning with a single, and was doubled to third by Damian Miller. Bobby made a poor cutoff throw to Utley, allowing Hall to score, and then Utley threw one in the dugout trying to get Miller heading for third, awarding him home plate as well. The Phils got the first two runners on in the tenth, but then Jimmy Rollins, Jason Michaels, and Utley went quietly against emergency closer Matt Wise for a 3-1 final.

Saturday was a laugher against lefty Chris Capuano and reliever Rick Helling. The Phils chased Capuano after five innings with homers by Todd Pratt and J-Roll, and then scored three runs off Helling in the sixth before he could retire a batter to put the game out of reach. They added another run in the seventh to make the final score 8-2. Jon Lieber was sharp, allowing seven hits and one walk in seven innings. Russell Branyan hit a monster blast into the visitors (or upper) bullpen in the seventh in garbage time.

Sunday was another one of those games when I really question why I've been wasting my time on this maddening bunch of malingerers. The immortal Tomo Ohka took the mound for Milwaukee, sporting a mediocre 4.07 ERA against the rest of the league and working on his second team after being traded away by the Nationals. Ohka proceeded to completely baffle the Phillies for eight innings, getting them to swing at slider after slider on their shoetops. Adjust, dammit! Vicente Padilla was pitching almost as well, having made one terrible pitch to Rickie Weeks, who smacked it to deep left center to score the only two runs of the game. 2-nuthin. 2-nada. 2-zip. 2-oh(ka). Oh damn.

With the Astros win Sunday night, we're back to 2.5 games out of the wild card, trailing both Florida and Washington, who are now tied at two games back. Florida starts a four game set with the Rockies today with a day/night doubleheader at Coors Field. The Nats and Astros duke it out in Houston for three starting Tuesday. I guess we have to root for Washington to take two of three there, since they are closer to us. We wouldn't want them to sweep or else they'd have the wild card lead, and we'd have no way to make up any ground on them. Then again, none of it matters unless we sweep the Dodgers. We were supposed to get the same pitching matchups as we had at the Bank, when we lost two of three, but the Dodgers moved Brad Penny back to game two and will start rookie D.J. Houlton in the first game tomorrow night. Houlton didn't become a starter until June, and he's been so-so since moving to the rotation, which is an improvement on the downright awful he was in the bullpen. He's certainly a more appealing sight out there than Odalis Perez, who made the Phils look foolish in recording the only 1-0 victory by an opposing pitcher in the history of Citizens Bank Park. In any event, it's getting to the point where I look forward to off days. That can't be good.

BOBBY SOCK

Single, single, walk, grand slam. Yeah, that's a pretty good way to start a game. Bobby Abreu awoke from his home run slumber to stake the Phils to a 4-0 lead in the first inning, and Todd Pratt and Chase Utley added solo shots in a 6-4 win. The Cubs sandwiched two two-run innings around Pratt's fifth inning homer, but never got closer than a 1-run deficit. Brett Myers won his 10th game, and the Swingin' Bullpen Trio was outstanding again, giving up only a single in two and two thirds innings. Daddy Wags picked up save number 25, which, if nothing else, will help him extract more cash from Larry Lucchino and Tom Werner around winter meetings time.

The Astros lost to the sub-.500 but still playoff-hopeful D'Backs, but the Nats and Marlins (oh, and the Braves) also won. The Phils' are now 2.5 back in the wild card and still six back for, oh never mind. The Big Blue Brew Crew stops by for three starting tonight, followed by a six-game trip to Chavez Ravine and Petco Park. Jeez, I sound like Jeannie Zelasko. Anyway, tonight's matchup pits the Brewers big stud, Ben Sheets, against our, uh, decidedly un-stud Corey Lidle. Sheets is on my Strat team, so I've been following him closely. After a Cy Young-quality season last year, he went down early in the season with an inner ear infection, took a while to recover, and has been superb of late. His last outing was a complete-game six-hitter against the Giants. It gets easier the final two games with Chris Capuano on Saturday and the immortal Tomo Ohka on Sunday afternoon, but tonight's game may be simply a chance to watch one of the best pitchers in the majors be his dominant self. Having written that, I now expect a final score of about 14-12.

GRIN AND BARRETT

Sometimes, you have to let the Cubs be the Cubs. On a very odd play that I've never seen before and will likely never see again, the Phillies scored the game-winning run in the bottom of the ninth on a Pat Burrell walk-off strikeout to beat the cursed Cubbies 4-3.

As with most Wednesdays, I missed the prelude. The Phils took a 1-0 lead in the third on a Bobby Abreu double, a Pat Burrell walk, a Ryan Howard infield single, and a David Bell sac fly. Mike Lieberthal followed with an RBI single for a 2-0 lead, and after Robbie Tejeda bunted his way on via Chicago starter Jerome Williams' error, J-Roll grounded into a fielder's choice to score Howard for the third Phils run. Tejeda was fantastic again, allowing only a single run in the fifth on three cheap singles and a sac fly by pinch-hitter Jose Macias.

It was looking like an easy W as Charlie turned it over to the Swingin' Bullpen Trio in the seventh. Ryan Madson got no love from the Phils defense, however, allowing two unearned runs in his seventh inning stint. The only error was by David Bell, who was eaten up by an Aramis Ramirez grounder to lead things off. After Todd Walker whiffed, Neifi Perez doubled and Michael Barrett lined out, Manuel was forced to bring in Frenchie Cormier to face the left-handed pinch-hitter Todd Hollandsworth with runners on second and third. Hollandsworth hit a broken bat looper into right field that Abreu got a terrible jump on and which fell in for a two-run double and a tie game. I had just re-joined the game on the radio at that point, and Wheels and Scott Graham were busy convincing each other that Abreu was justifiably confused by the broken bat. I haven't seen it yet, but in light of the ending, I really don't care anymore.

Will Ohman retired the Phils in the bottom of the seventh, and Oogie Urbina took care of the Cubs in the eighth. The Phils had runners at second third with two outs off Roberto Novoa in their half of the eighth until Tomas Perez skied to shallow center to end the threat. Daddy Wags skated through the top of the ninth, and then the fun began.

Lefty Mike Remlinger, who is far better against righties, took the mound for the Cubs in the ninth. J-Roll, hitting right anyway, greeted him a double up the gap to right center that might have been a triple had there not been none out. Kenny Lofton moved the runner to third with a grounder to Derek Lee and nearly beat it out when Remlinger didn't cover. Dusty Baker then walked Utley and Abreu to load the bases, and inexplicably brought in righty Mike Wuertz to face Burrell. Do managers never look at stats or know their own players? Remlinger held righties to a .562 OPS from 2002 to 2004 vs. .757 vs. lefties, and he has a .699 vs. .884 righty/lefty split this year. The Braves knew this when they had him, and used him as a setup guy against both kind of hitters. Dusty apparently thinks he's a LOOGY despite all evidence to the contrary. Oh well. Like I said, you have to let the Cubs be the Cubs.

Facing Wuertz, Burrell worked the count to 2-2 after taking some bad swings at a couple of sliders, and then swung and missed again on a nasty breaking pitch for the second out. Catcher Michael Barrett, however, couldn't handle the pitch and it squirted behind him a few feet but not all the way to the backstop. With a runner on and less than two outs, of course, Burrell is out without any further play needing to be made. Pat started running to first anyway, and Barrett looked confused for a second before noticing that Jimmy Rollins was barreling home. J-Roll quickly stopped and raced back toward third, and Barrett panicked and heaved the ball toward a stunned Aramis Ramirez, who had to lunge to his left to grab it. J-Roll then executed a perfect pirouette and headed back home again, easily beating Ramirez's return throw for the winning run. I sat there and watched this all unfold on Comcast Sportsnet, not knowing what the hell was going on. I initially thought there was a force play at home, but I forgot that there was only two out after Burrell struck out and nobody had to advance. Then I was pissed at J-Roll for thinking he could score on a ball only feet from home plate. Finally I was jubilant as I realized that Barrett had completely blown the rundown play by making far too long of an initial throw. As Dana Carvey doing Johnny Carson might say, "weird, wild stuff."

The win kept us from falling even further behind the Astros, who shut out Arizona. We even managed to pick up a game on the Braves, again, not that it matters. We're 3.5 back in the wild card, six back in the division. We go for the series win this afternoon with Brett Myers against the oft-injured but brilliant when healthy Mark Prior. Is this a Businessgoat's Special?

TOMAS THEN NO MAS

Infuriating.

The Phils dropped a maddening, disturbing, yes, infuriating game to the Cubs by a 2-1 score last night. They wasted another good outing by Vicente Padilla, who was still in there chucking to start the eighth inning despite having already topped 100 pitches for only the third time this year and despite never having gone more than seven innings all season and despite a rested bullpen. AARRRGHH! Come on, Charlie, you've been extremely consistent in using Madson, Urbina, and Wagner in late-inning pressure situations recently. Why was this one different? Maybe with Brett Myers or a veteran like Jon Lieber or Corey Lidle you let him pitch the eighth inning in a 0-0 game, but certainly not with Padilla.

The results were predictable, as Padilla tired, loading the bases before Oogie was finally summoned. Urbina nearly wild-pitched himself out of the inning, strangely enough. He let one go to Aramis Ramirez that bounced straight back to Mike Lieberthal, who after looking around a bit finally noticed that Jeromy Burnitz was halfway to second base while all the other runners had stayed put. That pickoff was the second out of the inning, and for a moment it looked like the Phils would exit unscathed. Ramirez then hit a sharp grounder that David Bell would handle or at least knock down about 90% of the time. Naturally, the ball skipped by a sliding Bell into left field to score two runs. AAARRGGHHH! again. After a harmless hit by Todd Walker, Neifi Perez was fanned, but the 2-0 deficit loomed over the inept Phillies offense the way the Baseball Writers Association of America will be looming over the career of Rafael Palmeiro in a few years.

The Phillies went quietly in their half of the eighth against Carlos Zambrano, who was doing his best Roger Clemens impersonation last night. Zambrano allowed no runs and only four hits in eight innings. After Madson retired the Cubs in the top half of ninth, Cubs closer-for-now Ryan Dempster retired Kenny Lofton to start the bottom of the inning. Then came a whole lot of missing of the strike zone. Dempster walked Chase Utley, Bobby Abreu, Pat Burrell, and finally Ryan Howard to force in the Phillies only run of the night. In light of ensuing events, it looked like a canny strategy on the part of Dusty Baker. For some unknown reason, Manuel let David Bell, a .207 hitter against righties entering the night, face the hard-throwing Dempster. Tomas Perez a switch hitter, was available on the bench. Matt Kata, another switch hitter, was not, having gone in to pinch-run for Burrell. Why not pinch-run Jason Michaels, a right-handed hitter, and keep Kata available to pinch hit? Why did you not use Micahels at all for any reason? Why, Charlie, why? Bell flailed at a 2-2 slider for the second out, and then Perez, hitting for Lieberthal, had the worst at-bat in recorded history, waving at two high fastballs that Yao Ming would have taken for the game ending strikeout. Did I mention AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

The loss dropped us 3.5 games behind the Astros, who beat Arizona behind the real Roger Clemens. Not that it matters, but the Braves won again (surprise) and now have a 5.5 game lead over Washington, 6.5 over Florida, and 7 over us. The Cubs and Mets are only a half-game back of us for the wild card. Did we ever need that game. Argh.

ACH DU LIEBER!

Recapping the weekend, the Phils turned in a good but not great performance in Colorado, winning three of four and managing to keep within hailing distance of the Astros for the wild card.

Game two on Friday was a solid outing by Brett Myers to pick up his ninth win. Myers went six and change and turned it over to The Chollie Manuel Swingin' Bullpen Trio of Ryan Madson, Oogie Urbina, and Billy Wagner for the final 7 outs and a 5-3 final. The offense was provided by everyone but Pat Burrell, the only Phil to take a collar.

On Saturday, the Phils streaked to a 7-1 lead behind Corey Lidle, who along with Aaron Fultz gave almost all of it back before the C.M.S.B.T. retired the final nine batters in order to wrap up the 8-7 victory. Burrell made up for Friday by going 4-for-4 and driving in two runs and scoring two.

Jeff Francis, the only Rockies pitcher who seems un-intimidated by Coors Field, took the hill on Sunday and mowed down the Phils for six shutout innings in a 9-2 Rockies win. Jon Lieber was also cruising through the first four with only one hit allowed before one of the Rocky Mountains fell on him. The Rocks went single, double, out, single, single, sac fly, HBP, double, single, homer before Lieber was finally pulled after allowing nine runs. Not necessarily needless to say in this park, that was all Colorado needed.

The wild card deficit remains a scant 2.5 games behind the Astros, who finally lost a game on Sunday to the Mets. The Nats also beat the Marlins Sunday, leaving the Fish tied with us for third in the division race, which looks all but over with Atlanta five games clear.

Now for the deadline trade analysis. (Tapping of feet.) (Looking at watch.) (Uncomfortable silence.) (Looking at shoes). Ok, there was no deadline trade. I really thought Ed would move Billy Wagner, but in hindsight, it's probably a good thing he didn't. Considering the names of the players who changed hands, none of them were worth to us what Wagner might be for the next two months, and even if Billy walks away to free agency after the season, we'll still get a sandwich pick in the draft which will be probably be more useful in the long run than Ron Villone or Yorvit Torrealba. The Braves added the flame-throwing but inconsistent Kyle Farnsworth to compete with Chris Reitsma for their closer role. Knowing them, it will work out beautifully and the Braves will win the pennant. If Wade had made that deal, we'd be hanging him in effigy after Farnsworth blew his fifth consecutive save in some sort of spectacular fashion.

We're back home Tuesday after an off day against another wild card rival, the Cubbies. Vicente Padilla looks to extend his recent run of not-bad games against Chicago's Carlos Zambrano. The Brewers are next after the Cubs. The Astros are on a roadie to Arizona and San Fran. It would have been better if it had been St. Louis and Atlanta, but you take what you can get. We could very easily make up the 2.5 on the Astros, but then again, the Nats and Marlins are there, too. The torture continues.

COORS AND A CHASER

It was close, but that's one. The Phils overcame a blown hold by Oogie Urbina to prevail over the Colorado Rockies 8-5 last night. I only watched to the point where Chase Utley hit a two-run homer to make it 5-2. I assumed that the scoring was only just beginning, and I was right, but to a lesser degree than normal at Coors Field. Robbie Tejeda was adequate, pitching five and a third innings and giving up only three runs. After he left, Frenchie Cormier yielded yet another homer, to the other Luis Gonzalez in the seventh, and then Urbina allowed the tying run in the eighth on singles by such luminaries as Garrett Atkins, Eric Byrnes, and Jorge Piedra.

The Phils quickly jumped on the third Rockies reliever, Mike "Grey Poupon" DeJean, to start the ninth. David Bell led off with a double, and was pinch run for by Matt Kata. Ramon Martinez laid down a successful sacrifice, followed by an unsuccessful attempt by Endy Chavez to hit an RBI grounder. J-Roll was intentionally passed, and then Tomas Perez plated Kata with an infield hit to break the tie. Our boy Utley then smacked his second double of the game to clear the bases to make it 8-5. Daddy Wags, in perhaps one of his final appearances as a Phillie, earned his 22nd save with a perfect ninth.

In a very disturbing report on Baseball Prospectus, Will Carroll mentioned that the Pirates are working on shipping, gulp, Jose Mesa, along with former Astros prospect and major disappointment Daryle Ward to the Phillies (or to the Mets). He said the Pirates are looking for minor and major leaguers in return. Please, Ed, if you're actually going to make this deal, just come to my house armed with a .45 and blow my brains out. I wouldn't have much to live for anyway.

Last night's win vaulted us over the Mets and into a tie with the Marlins for third. The Braves are steaming off into the distance toward division crown number 14 straight after sweeping the Nats. Their lead is now three over Washington, whose prowess in one-run games has evaporated like a shot of Everclear in Death Valley (today's high: 116). Jeff Francoeur, who started the season at AA Mississippi, hit a pair of homers to provide the margin of victory, and has 5 dingers in 34 at-bats. Why are we even bothering? Oh yeah, the wild card. Now, if Clemens, Oswalt, and Pettitte all get hurt...

ROGER THAT

Oh, the pain.

The Phillies staggered further westward to the Rocky Mountains last night after dropping an excrutiating 3-2 decision to Roger Clemens and the Astros. Things started off well, with an RBI single by Bobby Abreu to score Chase Utley in the bottom of the first. The Astros then grabbed a lead in the second which they never relinquished on an Orlando Palmeiro double and a very strange successful squeeze play by Brad Ausmus. Yes, they squeezed in the second inning. Having the Rocket on the mound will do that to you. Ausmus popped up the bunt, and Phils starter Vicente Padilla nearly caught it in the air, but like everything else that happens to the Phillies on the road, it wasn't meant to be. The ball somehow managed to get between Padilla's glove and his right hand and reach the turf. Padilla retrieved it and threw out Ausmus, but Palmeiro scored for the 2-1 lead. Lance Berkman singled in another run in the third to make it 3-1, and the Phillies cut the lead to 3-2 in the fourth on a walk to Pat Burrell, a Ryan Howard single, and a Mike Lieberthal sac fly. Then it was Rocket time. Roger went seven, turning it over to Mike Gallo and the incredibly nasty Brad Lidge, who picked up his 24th save in embarrassingly easy fashion.

We're back in last place, 5.5 games behind the Atlanta Anointed Ones, and with five teams (the Mets, Marlins, Nats, Astros, and, shockingly, the Cubs) between us and the wild card. The only positive outcome in Denver would be a four game sweep, which is extremely unlikely, given that baseball at Coors Field is to regular Major League Baseball what Putt-Putt is to the Masters. If we can get the ball to double bank off the sideboards, go through the windmill, and into the clown's mouth, we might win as many as two games, after which our bullpen will need an oxygen tent.

Like I said. Oh, the pain.

LAMB BASED

Do I have to do this?

The Phils lost again, 2-1 to Roy Oswalt and the Astros. Mike Lamb hit a solo homer in the bottom of the ninth on the second pitch delivered by Ryan Madson, who followed Oogie Urbina in relief of a strong Jon Lieber. The indestructible Roger Clemens throws tonight, meaning a sweep is virtually inevitable before we head to Denver for some four hour slow-pitch softball games with the Rockies. Between the losing and Ed Wade's nearly certain failure to make a deadline deal, I don't think this blog can survive this road trip. I think 0-7 (0-8 if you add Wade getting shutout again) is not only possible, but likely. If that happens, well, see you next season because this one will be over. Actually, I think the Phils will take a couple of 12-10 type games at Coors, and Wade will move Billy Wagner for a mid-level starter and a minor leaguer. It'll be just enough to stay nominally in the race and to keep torturing us, but not enough to ultimately catch the Astros, Nats, and Braves.

Hey, the Patriots start camp on Friday!

COREY MAIM

Nice job, Corey. The Phils were pummeled last night by the Astros 7-1 at Minute Maid Park. Craig Biggio and Lance Berkman each hit a pair of homers off Lidle, and Jason Lane added the final blow in the fifth. J-Roll homered for the Phillies' only run. Andy Pettitte was masterful through seven innings, winning his eighth game and dropping his ERA to 2.73. Only six more games to go on Lemony Snicket's Rotten Road Trip.

The only good news was that the Mets lost, and the other three NL East teams were off. Mr. Ed has only five days left to figure out what to say to the media after he fails to get us a starting pitcher. I don't think that "You have no idea how many GM's have Caller ID these days" is going to go over well. We may be buyers, but we're out shopping with a $1.29 in loose change and an expired credit card. I have a sinking feeling that Wade's big trade will be Matt Kata for LaTroy Hawkins and a case of Barry Bonds bobblehead dolls that he'll try to sell on eBay. Good luck in the playoffs, Braves.

BUDDY CAN YOU SPARE A BEER?

What a weekend! And the Phillies swept, too!

First, the Phils. The Dodger series ended with the Phils losing the second 1-0 game in Citizen's Bank Park history. Odalis Perez and three relievers combined on a four hitter, and Jimmy Rollins was apparently too concerned with thinking of something on which to spend his $40 million to be bothered to hit a groundball with a runner on third and one out. He saved the grounder for later when there were runners on first and second and one out for an inning ending DP.

The free-falling Padres came to town on Friday, and fortunately, the Phillies did nothing to impede their downward progress. In what looks to have been a terrific game, Chase Utley ended it in the 11th with a two-out, two-run homer for the 8-6 final. Saturday's game saw Robinson Tejeda turn in another sparkling outing as the Phils won 2-0. Utley struck again with a solo homer off Padres starter Pedro Astacio and scored the other run on a Ryan Howard sac fly. On Sunday, Brett Myers worked six strong innings and Howard hit a pair of doubles to lead the Phils to an easy 5-1 victory. The Nats continued their much anticipated collapse and the Braves split four games since last Thursday, which puts the Phillies three games back of both teams for the division lead and wild card. The bad news is, the Road Trip From Hell starts tonight in Houston against Andy Pettitte and the suddenly unhittable Astros, followed by the bullpen horror show that is Coors Field.

(The rest of this post is being written as a record of the Buddy 20-year reunion. If you have no interest in our stupidity, and why would you, please move along.)

The Buddy Reunion was a smashing success, aside from the four to six Buddies who failed to show up or decided to spend more time on such empty pursuits as oh, coaching their kid's Little League team or visiting their parents. I arrived at Buddy Joe's home on Friday as two of the Buddies, Dave and Steve, were hooking up one of two kegs of Guinness products. Dave works for Guinness and supplied all of the alcohol gratis. I'm assuming he is writing off the trip as a business expense (don't tell the IRS). Aside from the two kegs, there were multiple cases of Smirnoff Ice, Red Stripe, Guinness Draught, Smithwick, and numerous other Guinness brands I can't recall. Suffice it to say, no liver was left unscathed.

The Buddy Meet and Greet was followed by Buddy Jeopardy. Dave pulled out two poster boards covered with Post-It notes which contained the answers. The categories included: Herkimer Retards, Herkimer Landmarks, Buddy Nicknames, Herkimer Legends, More Herkimer Retards, and Buddy Crushes. The Final Jeopardy question was "The total number of times the people in this room have been arrested and charged with at least a misdemeanor offense." The correct question, after much obfuscation, denial, and outright lying, was, "What is nine?" Steve, also known as "Satan", led the way with four. Frightening. We all stayed up until 4 AM after about five hours of Buddy reverie so vulgar and disgusting that Comcast would surely shutter this web site if it were fully explicated, at which point our host Joe announced he was going to bed, prompting loud shouts of "Faggot!".

After a few hours of sleep, we all reconvened at 9 AM for the Buddy nine-hole golf outing. I shot a respectable 44, but Dave, who plays regularly with his distributor customers, took the day with a 42. Steve, meanwhile, arrived late on the second hole, driving a cart that some misguided person in the clubhouse had rented him. His approach to scoring, and to playing the game in general, was novel to say the least. At one point, Steve hit a low slice into a tree and was taunted by a pudgy 7 or 8 year old playing behind us, causing him to remark loudly "Hey, I was just made fun of by a fat kid!"

After golf, it was time for the epic Driveway Whiffle Ball doubleheader. The games were played "marks" style. A grounder that could not be fielded before crossing the road was a single; a liner that cleared the driveway and hit the road in the air was a double; any ball that hit a parked car across the street in the air was a triple; and any ball that cleared the road in the air and landed in the grass on the other side was a homer. Buddy Chris, Buddy Bob, and I took on Buddy Dave, the other Buddy Dave, and Buddy Steve. Dave pulled out a mini-breathalyzer that Guinness had given him, providing us with the only significant stats that were recorded in the games. Steve, to no one's surprise, once again led the way in that department, topping out with a BAC of 0.26. He also led all players in exposing himself to us, the neighbors and passing cars, three times to none. Buddy Rob, who arrived after the first game and played in the second game on my team, broke all rules of protocol and brought his wife. By the end of the second game, he had a BAC of 0.19 and she was a 0.14. The two teams eventually split. I was the nominal MVP of game one, but during the between games pool break I went back to my hotel to get my swim trunks and changed from my sneakers into my man sandals. Big mistake. I was about 2-for-20 in the second game and made the last out in extra innings.

We played another half-hearted game of only six innings as it was getting dark, but since no one could really see the whiffle ball, or were seeing multiple whiffle balls, we decided to just sit in the garage and drink. The topic of the conversation turned to a discussion that Chris and his family were having a few weeks ago about me and my academic record. Chris recounted that his mother, our third grade teacher in Catholic school and the sweetest woman who has ever lived, called me "exceptional". At this point, Chris (BAC 0.21) called his mother on his cell phone. She picked up the phone, and Chris hollered, "Hey, Footsie!". Yes, he calls his sweet old mother "Footsie". This is a reference to a C-grade exploitation/horror/porn movie called "Blood Sucking Freaks" that Chris and Dave used to watch repeatedly while in college together. One of the characters in the film, named Ralphus, liked to use women as footstools. Since Chris' father was named Ralph, naturally his mother is now referred to as "Footsie". After several minutes of protestation that he wasn't drunk, Chris harangued his mother to repeat what she had said about me on the speakerphone so that I could hear it. Later he called her again to ask her who was smarter, me or Maureen "McBrain". Maureen had enrolled in our Catholic school during the second half of 8th grade and completely blew my relatively feeble academic achievements out of the water. She's now a Harvard fellow and writes occasional book reviews for the New York Times. Chris' mother refused to answer, having never taught her, but you only had to notice which one of the two was not sitting in a garage in Herkimer at that moment to know the correct response.

After that, we went in and ordered pizza and wings and put on the late Yankee game in Anaheim. Steve and Dave passed out and the floor, and Chris dumped half a glass of Guinness on the carpet right after Vladimir Guerrero blasted a three-run dinger off Kevin Brown. I went back to my hotel at midnight, and four of us met on Sunday morning for breakfast at Chet's Lunch, legendary home of "Two On A Roll", whatever that is. We said our goodbyes and headed our respective ways. I hope it isn't 20 years before we meet again, and I think we all really hope that Dave keeps his job.

SO I WAS WRONG...AGAIN

What the hell? 10-2 in the 9th? So much for pounding on Derek Lowe. I'll think I'll just skip the post-mortem on this one tomorrow. Braves won, Nats are down but coming back. What new.

I'll be in Herkimer, New York all weekend at a 20-year mini-high school reunion with our little clique. We've been told to abandon our wives and families for this one. I expect the alcohol consumption to approximate what it would be like if Keith Richards and Colin Farrell were locked in a warehouse full of Jack Daniels for a weekend. Look for us on Reuters Oddly Enough news.

RYAN EXPRESS

Well, that was unexpected.

Ryan Howard ended a tense affair with the Dodgers in the bottom of the 10th inning with an emphatic two-run homer over the Lukoil sign off LA closer Yhency Brazoban to give the Phils an improbable 5-4 victory.

Prior to Ryan's blast, it looked like another heartbreaking defeat for the Phils. The game had been a close, back and forth contest all night. Mexican League fill-in Oscar Robles hit his first major league homer off Brett Myers' fourth pitch of the night to stake the Dodgers to a 1-0 lead. A J-Roll triple and an RBI grounder by Lofton tied it up in the bottom of the inning, and Pat Burrell put the Phils on top 2-1 with a long home run to lead off the second. Los Angeles rallied in the fourth to go up 3-2 on a Hee Choi single and doubles by Jayson Werth and pitcher Brad Penny. Chase Utley re-tied the game in the fifth with yet another clutch two-out RBI hit to score J-Roll, who had doubled. The bullpens took over in the seventh and neither staff allowed another run until the tenth.

In the top of the tenth, Billy Wagner, working his second inning of relief, issued a one-out walk to Jeff Kent. Mike Edwards then drove a fly to deep right field that Bobby Abreu should have caught. Instead, Bobby overran the ball and made an ill-timed leap as it sailed past his glove and off the wall for a double. Once again, Abreu demonstrated that he has no feel for how close he is to the fence and that he tends to panic when he gets close to the barrier. Somebody needs to spend an afternoon hitting fly ball after fly ball off the wall so that Bobby can better gauge how close he is and whether or not he has to jump or can stay on his feet and under control. I don't know whether he's not interested in improving this aspect of his defense, or if the coaches don't push it, but his poor play on balls near the wall has contributed to several Phillies losses over his career and should be addressed. This is not to take anything away from his hitting and his overall contribution to the offense; I'm a big Abreu supporter. It just seems like this is something he can learn how to do, so why not try to improve?

With runners on second and third, Jason Phillips was intentionally passed, and Wags began to extricate himself by striking out pinch hitter Antonio Lopez. Werth then stood by as Billy missed the plate badly on four straight pitches, walking in Kent for the go-ahead run. Wagner recovered to get Jason Repko to bounce back to the mound, but it seemed as though one more game that should have been won had slipped away.

Then came Pat Burrell and his blazing speed. Burrell led off the bottom of the tenth off Brazoban with a deep drive to left just over the glove of the 6'5" Werth and off the cement part of the wall just above the out-of-town scoreboard, about one or two feet short of going out. The ball ricocheted back toward the infield, and Burrell scampered as fast as his leaden legs could carry him. As Larry Anderson mentioned, he "hit a wall" at second base. By the time Werth tracked down the ball, he had a relatively short throw to third, and from what I could see on TV, he nailed Burrell sliding into third. Thankfully, third base ump Joe Brinkman missed the call. That set up Howard, who clobbered the first pitch he saw to deep left center to secure his date with Tomas Perez' shaving cream-laden towel.

The Nats got another strong game from John Patterson to shutout the woeful Rockies, but the Braves lost a late game to the Giants to lower their wild card advantage over us to 3.5 games. Tonight, Corey Lidle tries to recover from his poor start versus Florida against the inconsistent Derek Lowe. Lowe's ERA has been climbing steadily all season, and he's given up 144 hits in 127 and one third innings. His July ERA is 9.22 after enduring pummelings by Arizona and San Fran. We may as well not fight the trend.

A GIRL, SEVERAL IDIOTS, AND A SEARCH ENGINE

No, "Monk" fans, I don't have any photos of Traylor Howard nude either.

Now to sit back and watch the hit count go up for "Traylor Howard Nude". That was "Traylor Howard Nude", I said.

D-RAILED

I tuned in to Friday's game for one pitch. It was from Tim Worrell, and it was hit out of the yard by Paul LoDuca to give the Marlins a 9-4 lead. That was all I needed to hear, and was pretty much the story of the game. Corey Lidle was mercilessly pounded by Florida for seven runs on eleven hits in three and a third innings. The bullpen allowed two more, which ended up being the margin of victory in a 9-7 Marlins win. There were some good hitting performances by several Phils, but it wasn't enough to overcome Lidle's execrable outing.

Saturday was a better day. Marlins starter Scott Olsen didn't make it out of the second inning as the Phils scored six early runs on an Utley 3-run homer, a Pratt solo shot, and a Burrell two-run single. There was a rain delay, and then the Marlins battled back to make it 6-4 off Jon Lieber before the Phils tacked on four late runs to pull away to a 10-5 victory. Once again, the offense clicked as every starter got a hit and scored a run.

On Sunday, the D-Train and his 13-4 record pulled into the station against the suddenly effective Vicente Padilla. Vicente himself started off the scoring in the second with an unlikely triple to score Michaels and Ramon Martinez. Utley knocked in a run in the third, and then J-Roll smacked another triple to score a run in the fourth. Lieby, still looking Abreu-ish, homered in the sixth to make it 5-0, and Tomas Perez doubled in two more later in the inning to knock Willis out of the game. Utley plated Perez to saddle Dontrelle with a total of eight earned runs in five and two thirds innings and his fifth loss. The Marlins added four quick runs in the ninth off Worrell, who may as well go back on the DL, before Oogie came in to finish them off. Padilla was fantastic, lasting seven innings for the first time all season and allowing only two hits and two walks. More performances like that would be a huge lift, but Padilla's been anything but consistent in his Phillies tenure.

Today's an off day, and then the injury-plagued Dodgers stop by for three. The NL West leading Padres finish off the homestand over the weekend. The series win over Florida puts the Phils at 48-45, 5.5 games back of the Nats and four out of the Braves' wild card lead. We keep looking superlative at home, but have yet to show any road ability. Unfortunately, we've played six more home games than either the Braves or the Nats, and they both have a better home record than we do, which makes the remainder of the schedule a double-whammy against us. We're either going to have to play even better at home, or finish with a winning road record to catch either Atlanta or Washington, unless they both collapse, which is unlikely. Baseball Prospectus has our playoff odds at 21.6%, and predicts that we'd need to go 42-27 the rest of the way just to win the wild card. I hope Ed's cell phone plan has a lot of minutes.