WHY?

Well, I'm in Alaska, working the night shift.  Sounds like a bad country and western song, but it has somehow become my life, hence the question in the title of this post.  It's only temporary, so I'm told, and I'll be back working the day shift again soon, but still in Alaska.  The 49th state will likely be my home in the coming year.  That should be weird.  Maybe I'll blog about it!  My Alaska Year.  It should be every bit as compelling as the rest of the usual fecal matter herein.

My Strat team made the playoffs, with a 77-85 record.  That was exactly the same record I had last year, which means I stopped regressing, anyway.  I expect to get dispatched in short order by the Mammoths, who posted a league-best 114 wins.  My opponent is a fellow charter member of the league, and it's always fun to play him on Netplay, blowout losses notwithstanding.

For the 2010 real-life season, the Gunslingers posted a .799 team OPS, with 299 homers.  I decided to cut Ben Sheets, Kevin Millwood, Kenshin Kawakami, Andrew Miller, and Jamie Moyer, which left me with only three starters.  Anybody I can pick off the reject pile has to better than those five guys.  I should cut K-Rod based on ethical principles alone, but I need his saves.

The minor leaguers pretty much plateaued at mid-season, except for Grant Green who had a very strong finish in the Cal League.  I expect the A's will move him to AA and/or AAA next season, with an eye toward a September 2011 call-up.  Mike Trout should be on a similar trajectory for the Angels.  We'll see what Miguel Sano can do in A-ball next year.  The only pitcher who looks worth anything is Alex White, although I'm not giving up on Martin Perez.  I could have picked NL batting champ Carlos Gonzalez with that pick.  I blew that one.

Back to the void.

SHOWS I'M WATCHING NOW

Let's take a break from my lamentable Strat team and list the shows that I'm currently following on a weekly basis.  Because.

1.  Warren The Ape.  Warren DeMontague was a bit player in the fabricated-American (as in puppet) comedy from the early 2000's "Greg The Bunny".  In that incarnation, Warren was a failed actor and general misanthrope  who regularly tormented the simple, naive Greg.  In this new show, Warren is still a failed actor, but he's moved to a seedy Hollywood apartment and is filming his "comeback", and his rehab, as a reality show.  The show is a satire of reality TV, rehab shows, rehab itself, and celebrity culture, and is one of the most subversive things on MTV in decades.  Warren, as voiced by the brilliant Dan Milano, is a be-helmeted simian alcoholic, sex addict, drug addict, and as he poignantly discovers in one recent episode, dick.  The show usually begins with Warren lying his ass off to Dr. Drew, played as straight as an arrow by Dr. Drew Pinsky himself.  Warren then often attends a group session, where he mocks and disrupts the other addicts.  Somehow or another, with the help of his downtrodden assistant Cecil (John Sussman, acting like Michael Cera with a Napoleon Dynamite Jew-fro), Warren gets into some horrible shenanigans where he falls off the wagon further than he ever was on it in the first place, dragging everyone around him down with him.  The combination of Milano's sharp-witted and sarcastic voice and the amazing puppetry that brings Warren to life are what draw me to the show, as well the way everything is played as though talking animal puppets were a normal facet of everyday life.  There are great cameos as well, by Seth Green, Corey Feldman, and others from the burgeoning "Robot Chicken" empire.

2.  Louie.  Louis CK has tried on numerous occasions to break into sitcoms, most recently with his short-lived HBO show "Lucky Louie", which had low production values and was filmed before a live audience to give it a "Honeymooners"-for-the-exceptionally-vulgar vibe.  He's finally hit on the right tone and format with this new show, though.  "Louie" is basically a series of short films based on Louis' comedy bits filmed with a single camera in various locations throughout Manhattan.  Often, the vignettes within a show are not even related to each other, except maybe in tone or feeling.  There is an undercurrent of despair and gloom that runs through every episode as Louie, a divorced dad, negotiates his 40-something comedian's life.  Seemingly uncomplicated setups lead to surreal and at times outlandish and usually hilarious punchlines.  It's been called a combination of "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm", but I'm not crazy about either comparison.  Louie is not about nothing - it's about loneliness and misery, and it's not meant to make you cringe, but to make you empathize.

3.  Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List. Despite not being one her "gays", I love this show.  There is a reason that it has won two Emmys - it's really well executed.  Kathy is an engaging if crude personality with a good heart who loves her mother, is loyal to her friends, and takes good care of her employees.  Her attitude toward celebrity is refreshingly healthy and honest, and she gives us priceless inside looks at the madness of Hollywood.  Her little adventures are exactly what I would do if I had boatloads of syndication money, a little bit of fame, and plenty of time on my hands.  I like that the producers of the show (Kathy is one) don't try to placate Kathy's ego or introduce invented drama.  This is pretty much her life, and they always go for the funniest way to present it.

4.  Futurama.  I missed almost the entire first run of this show, and I don't really know why.  Laziness mostly. Now that it is back, I'm making a point to watch it, because it is every bit as great as the best Simpsons seasons.  The animation is outstanding, the writing is top-notch, and Billy West is a genius voice artist.  This version of the series is relying more heavily on the relationship between Fry and Leela, voiced by Katey Sagal, but all the old favorites are back, including everyone's most beloved George Jessel-sounding crustacean, Dr. Zoidberg, and Bender (John DiMaggio), the robot that never met a vice he didn't abuse.  As Richard Nixon's head in a jar would say, Ah-oooooooo!

5.  Mad Men.  There's not much more to say about "Mad Men" than what pretty much every TV writer working or blogging today has already written.  I'm a Roger Sterling (John Slattery) guy.  He's what I really tune in for every week.  He's like a galloping id that gets away with saying everything I would like to say to my co-workers, plus he gets all the gin and women he wants.  And then there is Joan, played by Christina Hendricks.  No more towering a figure of femininity has ever been written for stage or screen, except maybe Uma Thurman's Beatrice Kiddo, but that was a whole other kind of femininity.  Joan is sweeter, softer, rounder, and yet somehow just as steely and capable.  It's a great show, and I'm glad to be able to bask in it every Sunday night.

ALL-STAR BREAK STATS

We're at the mythical mid-season point, so how are we doing?  The stats look like this:

BATTERS (Change Display Statistics)

Name	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS	AB	R	H	RBI	HR	CS	SB	TB	BB
Bobby Abreu	.257	.351	.414	.765	331	50	85	47	10	6	15	137	49
Miguel Cabrera	.346	.423	.651	1.074	312	64	108	77	22	3	2	203	43
Kosuke Fukudome	.252	.347	.414	.762	222	28	56	26	8	4	4	92	34
Adrian Gonzalez	.301	.397	.533	.930	319	49	96	56	18	0	0	170	51
Aaron Hill	.189	.272	.359	.631	281	33	53	33	12	0	1	101	28
Russell Martin	.244	.346	.332	.679	283	43	69	22	5	2	6	94	42
Hunter Pence	.263	.316	.427	.743	323	47	85	40	12	5	11	138	25
Carlos Quentin	.244	.344	.523	.867	262	48	64	61	19	0	0	137	29
Alexei Ramirez	.274	.306	.408	.714	299	33	82	33	8	6	3	122	14
Justin Smoak	.206	.311	.346	.657	243	29	50	34	8	0	1	84	38
Chris Snyder	.240	.355	.448	.803	183	21	44	31	10	0	0	82	32
Andres Torres	.281	.378	.483	.861	263	46	74	29	7	4	17	127	40
Juan Uribe	.251	.320	.438	.758	283	39	71	50	12	2	1	124	29
David Wright	.314	.392	.532	.924	325	52	102	65	14	7	15	173	45
TOTAL	.264	.349	.454	.803	3,929	582	1,039	604	165	39	76	1784	499

PITCHERS (Change Display Statistics)

Name	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS	G	GS	IP	W	L	SV	SO	ERA	WHIP	BS	Hold	R	ER	PA	AB	H	HR	TB	BB	UBB	IBB	HBP	SF	SH	DP	H9	SO9	HR9
Mark Buehrle	.297	.339	.424	.763	18	18	110.3	8	7	0	51	4.24	1.43	0	0	56	52	470	434	129	10	184	29	29	0	0	3	4	13	10.52	4.16	0.82
Luke Gregerson	.154	.206	.289	.495	42	0	43.3	3	5	1	53	2.91	0.74	3	19	15	14	161	149	23	4	43	9	8	1	1	1	1	3	4.78	11.01	0.83
Kenshin Kawakami	.271	.326	.458	.784	15	15	82.3	1	9	0	57	4.48	1.40	0	0	48	41	362	321	87	9	147	28	20	8	1	6	6	6	9.51	6.23	0.98
Nick Masset	.292	.373	.442	.814	45	0	39.3	3	3	1	44	5.26	1.65	1	9	24	23	180	154	45	5	68	20	17	3	1	2	3	4	10.30	10.07	1.14
Brian Matusz	.273	.338	.417	.756	18	18	103.7	3	9	0	80	4.77	1.45	0	0	59	55	460	410	112	12	171	38	37	1	4	3	5	5	9.72	6.95	1.04
Jose Mijares	.243	.293	.429	.722	25	0	18.7	1	0	0	14	2.41	1.18	0	6	7	5	76	70	17	3	30	5	5	0	0	0	1	2	8.20	6.75	1.45
Kevin Millwood	.307	.361	.493	.854	18	18	107.7	2	8	0	84	5.77	1.58	0	0	75	69	483	440	135	20	217	35	34	1	3	1	4	10	11.28	7.02	1.67
Jamie Moyer	.234	.275	.414	.689	17	17	107.7	9	8	0	62	4.51	1.08	0	0	58	54	439	411	96	18	170	20	20	0	4	1	3	7	8.02	5.18	1.50
Darren Oliver	.191	.257	.282	.539	39	0	39.7	0	0	1	43	1.36	0.88	2	10	7	6	146	131	25	2	37	10	7	3	2	1	2	8	5.67	9.76	0.45
Ramon Ramirez	.259	.313	.481	.795	37	0	35.7	0	2	1	24	4.79	1.32	0	3	19	19	152	135	35	6	65	12	11	1	0	3	2	2	8.83	6.06	1.51
Francisco Rodriguez	.235	.312	.337	.649	42	0	44.0	2	2	21	53	2.45	1.27	4	0	12	12	186	166	39	3	56	17	15	2	2	1	0	1	7.98	10.84	0.61
Jonathan Sanchez	.214	.317	.333	.650	18	18	103.7	7	6	0	104	3.47	1.29	0	0	46	40	440	378	81	9	126	53	52	1	4	1	4	8	7.03	9.03	0.78
Ben Sheets	.266	.328	.486	.814	19	19	112.7	4	8	0	82	4.63	1.39	0	0	63	58	483	436	116	17	212	41	39	2	0	2	3	7	9.27	6.55	1.36
TOTAL	.259	.320	.420	.740	353	123	948.7	43	67	25	751	4.25	1.33	10	47	489	448	4,038	3,635	940	118	1526	317	294	23	22	25	38	76	8.92	7.12	1.12

Miguel Cabrera may win the Triple Crown, and perennial stars David Wright and Adrian Gonzalez are comfortably in the .900's in OPS.  Carlos Quentin is apparently healthy (until he isn't, which shouldn't be long) and has hit six homers in his last four games.  The biggest pleasant surprise is Andres Torres.  He's taking playing time away from several other Giants outfielders and is displaying skills that a 32-year-old journeyman should not have.  He's hit as many homers in 77 games as he hit in over twice that many games during his first five seasons in the Majors.  He's also done the same trick with stolen bases.  If that's steroids, those are some damned good steroids.

The rest of the hitters are a mixed bag.  Bobby Abreu is a shell of his former self, and may decline right out of baseball by next year.  Hunter Pence is about where you would expect him to be, although I thought he'd have more homers.  Kosuke Fukudome has turned into a glacier after a hot start.  Aaron Hill is battling hamstring problems and can only contribute the odd homer now and again.  Russell Martin became old very fast.  Alexei Ramirez still has some pop, but he never walks, and he needs to hit .300 to be useful, not .274.  Justin Smoak has drifted off to Seattle in the Rangers' Rent Cliff Lee trade.  I'm not so sure this will work out well for Smoaky in such a punishing hitting environment.  Chris Snyder is back to spot duty since Miguel Montero got healthy.  I wish some other team would give this guy the 350 AB's he deserves.  Juan Uribe is tapering off rapidly back to reality after a good start.

The hitting is actually the good news in this report.  Luke Gregerson is emerging as a superstar, and Darren Oliver is the best 40-year-old in anybody's bullpen, after maybe Arthur Rhodes.  Jose Mijares is getting lefties out, when he isn't on bereavement or seeing double.  It's all pretty bad after that.  Mark Buehrle usually has good second halfves, and I need that from him badly.  Kenshin Kawakami has been relegated to the pen.  Nick Masset is somebody else's problem.  Brian Matusz is starting to figure it out very slowly, and his peripherals aren't that bad.  Kevin Millwood is toast.  Jamie Moyer is a guy I almost have to keep, because his WHIP is so good, but man, those HR's allowed are outrageous.  Ramon Ramirez is another fungible reliever that will not make my 2011 squad.  Jonathan Sanchez continues to tantalize and drive me crazy.  Ben Sheets may end up a Met before too long, which would be just like Omar Minaya.

This is a losing team as constituted.  I'm going to have to do a lot of work to get this team even to .500.  Ugh.

The Minors aren't going to provide much immediate help, it seems.  The closest guy to a call-up is Alex White, and he's not considered a "hot" prospect because he doesn't throw 99 mph or have hellacious breaking stuff.  Martin Perez is right where a 19-year-old in AA would be expected to be, struggling mightily.  The second half will be very important for him.  Mike Trout won't see the light of day in Anaheim for three years no matter how great he is because that is how the Angels roll.  Grant Green is a pretty good hitter for a SS, but he can't actually play SS, so that is a big problem.  Chris Withrow hasn't impressed anyone, but people still consider him a prospect, for some reason.  Aaron Crow is terrible.  Miguel Sano could be great, but I'll have to wait another two years to really see how great he might be.  Christian Colon will have to get by on makeup and leadership skills, because he doesn't look like any kind of naturally gifted hitter.

In the 2010 replay, I'm one game behind the Hobos for first place, despite a 40-43 record.  That record puts me exactly one game ahead of the Madmen for the fourth and final playoff spot.  It's not a good enough result to really be buyers on the trade market, but any kind of playoff spot is great for me, and I hate to start selling off and miss a chance like that.  I'm stuck in the middle, which is where I've been for years.  Suits me, I guess.