TO ALL MY WEIDERS



As I was castigated by one of my accidental readers yesterday, there is in fact such a thing as a "Crossbow Home Gym". The reason I mention the "Crossbow Home Gym", other than to attract more accidental readers, is to say that I'm pretty skeptical about the "Crossbow Home Gym". I used to own a Soloflex, which is the "Crossbow Home Gym" with rubber bands instead of tubes, and here's pretty much how that went down:



- I bought the Soloflex for more money than I'd ever seen in one place.

- The Soloflex arrived in three or four cardboard boxes which weighed slightly more than Jupiter.

- I found a nice spot in my apartment and put the Soloflex together, which burned about 3500 calories by itself.

- My landlord stopped by and told me to move the Soloflex, because it was on a carpet and he said it would get the carpet greasy. The Soloflex is made of steel and has no grease anywhere on it. My landlord was and surely still is a certifiable knucklehead.

- I moved the Soloflex to a less desirable location, burning another 3500 calories.

- I used the Soloflex 3 times a week for 12 weeks, just like it says in the directions. Well, maybe 2 times a week some weeks. Well, since I had to stick it in a spare bedroom with no access to a TV or stereo system, and oh yeah, I'm really, really LAZY, I kinda stopped using it altogether on some weeks. Ok, every week.

- I put the Soloflex back in the cardboard boxes (3500 more calories!).

- I sold the Soloflex for an amount of money I was eminently familiar with.



For all my troubles, I burned about 10,500 calories putting it together, moving it, and taking it apart, plus the few hundred I burned actually using it as intended. I'm thinking the "Crossbow Home Gym" would yield similar results, except I now own instead of rent, so the calories expended would drop by 3500.



And, of course, I'd miss all those warm, wonderful, kind, and thoughtful people down at my health club...