MUSIC TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE CONSUMER



Recently, I've noticed that nearly every time I go to the grocery store, or the mall, or to a sporting event, invariably, I will hear a song which is on a CD that I actually own. For the first few times, this was quite pleasing. "Hey," I would say to my wife, "they're playing the BoDeans, from 'Home'! I own that. How cool is that?" Then, something finally occurred to me. The world is not suddenly catching up to my hip musical esthetic. What's happening is, I am getting old. The music I liked when I was young is now so completely vanilla and unthreatening that it's being played to general audiences to put them in a positive mood so that they will buy things.



So later, I bought an iPod and stored my entire CD collection on it so I could listen to it while at the gym, and ever since, I can't stop buying more stuff. Stuff I don't even need, too, like a wi-fi card for the PocketPC I never use, and the Odd Todd Handbook. I've even memorized my Discover card number. You know, I really think I've stumbled on to a marketing bonanza here. If I can get people to listen to my iPod for an hour, they'll buy anything! Now I just need to market my CD collection to different retail outlets and ask for a percentage of the increased sales, and I'll be a wealthy man. Then I can finally get that Sharper Image Coca-Cola Wurlitzer Nostalgic Soda Machine I've had my eye on.