WIL WHEATON UP A HALF ON HEAVY TRADING

It's official: I'm worthless. Well, I'm worth a grand, but that's the official arbitrary zero point. Time to do something about it, I guess, so I've hired Dennis Kozlowski as a consultant.

TCP WOWS THE STREET!

TCP announced today that it has beaten Blogshares idea expectations in the last quarter by, uh, 5,000%! TCP will be issuing an axiom dividend of $3 per share for the 3rd quarter. We have several brilliant hypotheses in the pipeline, and we will be embarking on an aggressive path of notion acquisition over the coming months. Large shareholders (this could be you!) will be eligible for exciting adventures to exotic resort islands to discuss TCP's wide range of investment vehicles and to PAR-TAY! You haven't lived until you see our ice statue of Annika Sorenstam NUDE dispensing Stolichnaya out of, well, you'll just have to see for yourself! Write to Kozlowski Enterprises, c/o The U.S. District Court, District of New York, for a full prospectus.