WILD TIE

Forty-two more games. Twenty-four road games, 18 home games. This is what separates us from the post-season after last night's 4-3 defeat of the Nats. I'll allow myself about twelve hours of happiness until reality sets in.

J-Roll and Kenny Lofton scored in the first off Washington starter Esteban Loaiza on a Chase Utley sac fly and a Pat Burrell double respectively. In the fourth, Vinny Castilla hit his 943rd home run off Phillies pitching to make it 2-1, and then starter Jon Lieber allowed a double to Christian Guzman, a guy who's been "on the interstate" so long he has a frequent guest card at EconoLodge. A real hitter, Jose Vidro, singled in Guzman to tie it up. Answering back quickly, Rollins and Lofton reached base again in the bottom of the inning, on a single and a double, and Bobby Abreu earned the Phillies Radio Network Star Of The Game (I was listening on the way home last night) by doubling off the Lukoil sign in left center to score both runners. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot held on to the lead barely, with Madson (I guess he would be Yakko) yielding a sac fly to Vinnie after the Nats led off the seventh with a single and a ground-rule double. Wags gave up a leadoff single to Jose Guillen in the ninth before striking out the next two hitters and amazingly getting Vinnie to ground out. Aside from the fourth inning, Lieber was terrific, giving up only three hits and a walk in six innings for his 12th win.

With Houston losing to the Cubs, The Phillies and Astros have identical 64-56 records. We play Houston at home for three in September, and we play the other team with which we are tied in the loss column, Washington, eight more times starting with a doubleheader today. Baseball Prospectus puts our playoff odds at 27.4%, while Houston's are 32.3%. The difference in expected wins between the two teams is only one win, with neither team predicted to win 90 games. Those eight games with Washington, six of which are at RFK, appear to be the key games. They've been tremendous at home (34-22), and we tend not to play well in pitcher's parks. We took two of three there in April, though. This upcoming twelve-game, four-city, bi-coastal road trip with no days off could also serve to expose us like Jude Law changing into his swim trunks (you can find the link to that photo yourself, weirdo. It wasn't that special anyway. I mean...never mind). When you look at it, there isn't really any series we can afford to lose. Let's see...yeah, my twelve hours are nearly up.

IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD HURLER

It's hard to win a game when you're having a two-hour temper tantrum, as Brett Myers discovered last night. Myers, acting like Terrell Owens after being told to shut up, snit-fitted his way through six miserable innings and three Nationals' homers as the Phils fell by a 6-3 score. I literally got a migraine headache in about the fourth inning and had to go to bed. It was a bad night all around. Larry Bowa's ghost, in the form of his nephew Nick Johnson, struck in the first inning with the first Washington home run. Preston Wilson, our nemesis from his days with the Marlins, hit the other two off Myers. On our side, Jimmy Rollins is now 2 for his last 35, and the umps blew the call on Wilson's second homer, which did not clear the fence in right field, and may have even been interfered with by a fan.

Corey Lidle tries to tie the series tonight vs. Ryan Drese, who we've smacked around pretty good this year against two different teams. The Astros won, dropping us into third place in the wild card, 1.5 games back. Once again, we get oh so close, and then drop back. As Brett Myers would say, "G*dd!mn M#therf^cking C%cks*ck%ng ..."

PEARLS BEFORE SWOON?

A half-game. We're only a half-game out of the playoffs! How can that be?

Well, one of the reasons is the San Diego Padres. The Phillies completed a season sweep of the Padres on Sunday, wrapping up a 5-1 SoCal road trip. Friday's game turned on a first inning three-run homer by Pat Burrell, who has been an OPS machine in recent days. Jake Peavy was spectacular in innings two through seven, but Jon Lieber was a little bit better overall, holding the Padres to single runs in the first and fourth innings. San Diego nearly tied it in the fourth if not for their freakishly large right field power alley. Mark Sweeney connected on a center-of-the-plate fastball, driving it well over Kenny Lofton's and Bobby Abreu's heads. It seemed like an easy home run off the bat, but it didn't even reach the fence in the air, bouncing in front of the 411 sign. Sweeney was held to a double, and was left stranded to finish the scoring for the night at 3-2. Snap, Crackle, and Pop gave up two hits and struck out three in three innings.

Vicente Padilla faced off with Pedro Astacio on Saturday night. Both pitchers were brilliant through six, until David Bell finally drove in Pat Burrell with two outs in the seventh with a hard single to left. Oogie Urbina relieved Padilla in the eighth and walked leadoff hitter Ryan Klesko before striking out Brian Giles and Mark Sweeney. Urbina then walked Mark Loretta and had two strikes on Khalil Greene before yielding a long double to the wall in center. Klesko scored easily, but Lofton and Utley made perfect relay throws to nail Loretta and preserve the tie. Bruce Bochy opted to bring in closer Trevor Hoffman to start the ninth. Hoffman never looked comfortable, giving up three straight singles to Abreu, Burrell, and Ryan Howard, followed by a sac bunt by Bell and a sac fly by Mike Lieberthal. Jason Michaels ended Hoffman's dismal evening by tripling in the fourth run. Rudy Seanez then wild-pitched Michaels in to make it 5-1. With the save situation gone, Billy Wagner put his jacket back on in favor of Aaron Fultz. Fultz made Billy take his jacket right back off when Miguel Olivo led off the bottom of the ninth with a homer to the left field bleachers. After a one-out walk to Xavier Nady, Wags came on and retired the final two hitters for the save and a 5-2 final.

Sunday's game ceased to be a contest when the Phils sent nine men to the plate before making an out in the fifth inning. The final toll was seven runs on six hits and two brutal Padres errors. The first error was by catcher Miguel Olivo, who tried to get the force at third on Robbie Tejeda's sac bunt. The ball ended up in left field, scoring David Bell with the first run of the inning. Later, after starter Chan Ho Park had been pulled, ageless Eric Young, who had made a terrific diving play earlier on Kenny Lofton, blew a routine fielder's choice by throwing wide to second base. That opened the door for Pat Burrell and Ryan Howard to drive in three more runs. Tejeda made it through seven innings for the first time all season, and despite another inflammable Frenchie Cormier inning, the Phils held on to win 8-3. Tejeda lowered his ERA to 2.71.

As noted earlier, Houston lost two of three at home to the Bucs to tighten the wild card race to a mere half-game. The Astros stay home to face the Cubs, who played well to take two of three against the Cards at Wrigley this weekend. We travel cross-country back home to take on the pesky Nationals in what should be a grinding four game series, followed by the Pirates for three. Believe it or not, I have purchased tickets for the Friday game vs. Pittsburgh for what should be my only excursion to Citizens Bank Park this season. I finally convinced my Texas-born wife that at least Bull's Bar-B-Que would be worth the trip. I'll post some photos next week.

I'm still very skeptical we can win this playoff spot. There are simply too many road games left, and too many home games and way too many virtuoso starting pitchers for Houston. Also, Tejeda can't possibly stay effective with that BB/IP ratio, and Charlie can't keep flogging the Nina, the Pinta and The Santa Maria the way he's been doing without one of them breaking down. Throw in an inevitable slump from either Abreu, Burrell, and/or Utley, and we'll be lucky to finish out of last. The late August/early September dive has been the Phillies way for several years now. It's August 15th. Get ready.

STAY CLASSY

Predictable. In fact, I did predict it. Odalis Perez did in fact stymie the Phillies hitters last night, holding them to a paltry five hits in eight innings on his way to a leisurely 5-1 win in the series finale. Chase Utley (who else?) scored the only run for the Phils after tripling in the second inning. Corey Lidle struggled to find the strike zone, walking six before turning a 4-1 game over to Aaron Fultz, who allowed a homer to Jason Phillips during his second and final inning of work. The game was put hopelessly out of reach (by Phillies' standards) in the fifth when two of Lidle's walks were driven home by a Jeff Kent double.

Just when we thought we had some traction in the wild card race, we drop another game to the Astros. Andy Pettitte beat Ryan Drese of the Nats to propel Houston to a 2.5 game lead. Next, we travel down the coast to San Diego, which of course is German for "a whale's vagina". Actual Padre ace Jake Peavy starts tonight against our paycheck ace, Jon Lieber. The Astros get the lowly Bucs at home for three, meaning this could be the weekend they put us in the rearview mirror for good. Great Odin's raven!

BROKEN THOME

We won another one! On the road!

Ryan Howard, as of yesterday the full-time first baseman for the Phils for the remainder of the season now that Jim Thome will be undergoing season-ending elbow surgery, crushed a salami in the ninth inning off beleaguered Dodgers closer Yhency Brazoban to propel the Phils to a 9-5 win.

Bobby Abreu hit another first inning homer, this time with only one on, to start the scoring. Jeff Kent answered with a three-run shot in the bottom half of the first. The Phillies tied it on a bases-loaded grounder by Brett Myers in the fourth. That's when the sandman took over for me. After I dozed off, the Phillies took a 5-3 lead on a Pat Burrell double and a Howard ground out in the fifth. The simmering volcano that is Milton Bradley re-tied the game with a two-run dinger off Myers, who ended up pitching seven decent innings except for the homers. Good thing this wasn't a home game or we'd have to endure more endless hand wringing about how much of a bandbox Citizens Bank Park is. I mean, sure it is, but does anybody think Dave Montgomery is going to tear out ten rows of $30 seats in left field? He'd rather pimp out his own mother. Knowing him, he may do that anyway, if she's still alive.

Back to the action, so to speak. The Phils blew an opportunity to take the lead in the eighth after Black Hole Sun #2, Mike Lieberthal (I guess Charlie doesn't watch Daily News Live), uncharacteristically doubled to lead off, and was pinch run for by Endy Chavez. Tomas Perez bunted Chavez to third, but then J-Roll whiffed and Lofton lined out to center to end the threat. I'm happy to have been sound asleep for that inning. Oogie retired the Dodgers in the bottom half of the eighth to set up Howard's game winner. Brazoban hit Utley to lead it off, and after Chase stole second, Bobby was given a free pass and Burrell drew another walk the hard way. I didn't see the slam, but according to ESPN, Ryan hit it to right-center, which is unusual for him. With the four-run lead, Madson was summoned, and he retired the Dodgers in order to rest up Wagner in case he's needed in game three. By the way, I'm going to stop calling them the Swingin' Bullpen Trio and start using names from RateItAll.com for famous trios, you know, to mix it up. Therefore, tonight's game was Bacon and Lettuce with no Tomato.

The Astros beat the Nats 7-6 to help them start a new losing streak in one-run games, we hope. We're back in second place in the wild card, still 1.5 games out, with the Nats and Marlins two games back. I'll bet you'll never guess what Atlanta did. I think that 30-5 run I predicted for the Braves is coming true. God bless 'em. We aren't going to catch them, that's for certain.

PAT RE-ACQUAINTED WITH BAT

The Dodgers went back to Brad Penny after all, and he pitched well, but the Phils jumped on reliever Steve (Doctor) Schmoll for five runs in the eighth inning and won 8-4. Pat Burrell hit a three-run homer, his first since July 19th (are they blaming that on the Home Run Derby, too?), and Ryan Howard followed with a solo shot. I went to bed after Chase Utley fanned to end the top of the third inning. Robbie Tejeda went five, allowing two runs on five hits and four walks. Aaron Fultz preceded the Swingin' Bullpen Trio to finish out the game. Oogie Urbina gave up two runs after the Phils had taken a 6-2 lead, but then the Phils rallied for two more runs in the ninth to make it a non-save opportunity for Billy Wagner.

Nice win. Unfortunately, with Penny starting game one, that means we get Lowe and Perez again in games two and three. Lowe throws sinkers, and you just have to ask Tomo Ohka (or his interpreter) about how much the Phillies love swinging at and missing balls in the dirt. Perez, meanwhile, is another in a procession of lefthanders that routinely mystify the Phillies lineup. I'm reading that the "Black Hole" numbers regarding David Bell and Mike Lieberthal hitting back-to-back have made it onto Comcast Sportsnet. Good work by blog commenter George S. and blogger Jason Weitzel of Beerleaguer. Maybe Charlie will think about batting Bell second against Perez. Bell has a 1.026 OPS vs. southpaws in 106 plate appearances. Or, since it's a mini-travel day, maybe he'll start Todd Pratt (1.239 OPS vs. lefties in 34 PA). Or both. Anything but the Black Hole, please!

The Astros lost to the Nationals and the Marlins won, moving all three wild card trailers up a game. The Nats are a game out, we're a game and a half, and the Fish are two out. I can't believe we're still in this thing. Intellectually, I'm looking at all the upcoming road games, the Astros parsimonious starting pitching, the way our offense decides to take games off once or twice a week, the fact that we're relying on walk-machine Robbie Tejeda to somehow continue to not give up bunches of runs, Jon Lieber's 5.00 ERA, etc., etc., and coming to the conclusion that there is no way, no how this bunch will be playing meaningful games in late September. But then I look at the standings and we're always within one good week of taking the wild card lead. I wish we would either make a 20-5 or a 5-20 run and get it over with. It's the uncertainty that I hate the most. I'm blaming it on the wild card. Without that, this division race is o-vah. The Braves are calling up guys from Richmond who are better than all the veterans on the Phillies roster, and they keep winning even if most of their lineup isn't old enough to remember Steve Carlton, and the rest were once teammates with him (Julio Franco, 1987 Indians). The wild card, though, is sitting there, beckoning to us like a Siren perched on a rock, driving us all to madness. I guess that would make Charlie Manuel Ulysses, although he fits in better as Everett from "Oh Brother Where Art Thou". Or at least Delmar.

BITTER BREW

Another weekend of lost opportunity. The Brewers took two of three from the Phils at home at a time when home games are dwindling to a precious few. On Friday, Ben Sheets was his dominant self, as feared, ceding only an eighth inning homer to Bobby Abreu over nine innings. Corey Lidle matched the big righthander, giving up one solo homer to Geoff Jenkins over eight innings. With the Swingin' Bullpen Trio gassed from overuse, Charlie was forced to employ first Frenchie Cormier, who negotiated the ninth, and then Geoff Geary, who was not as fortunate in the tenth. Bill Hall led off the inning with a single, and was doubled to third by Damian Miller. Bobby made a poor cutoff throw to Utley, allowing Hall to score, and then Utley threw one in the dugout trying to get Miller heading for third, awarding him home plate as well. The Phils got the first two runners on in the tenth, but then Jimmy Rollins, Jason Michaels, and Utley went quietly against emergency closer Matt Wise for a 3-1 final.

Saturday was a laugher against lefty Chris Capuano and reliever Rick Helling. The Phils chased Capuano after five innings with homers by Todd Pratt and J-Roll, and then scored three runs off Helling in the sixth before he could retire a batter to put the game out of reach. They added another run in the seventh to make the final score 8-2. Jon Lieber was sharp, allowing seven hits and one walk in seven innings. Russell Branyan hit a monster blast into the visitors (or upper) bullpen in the seventh in garbage time.

Sunday was another one of those games when I really question why I've been wasting my time on this maddening bunch of malingerers. The immortal Tomo Ohka took the mound for Milwaukee, sporting a mediocre 4.07 ERA against the rest of the league and working on his second team after being traded away by the Nationals. Ohka proceeded to completely baffle the Phillies for eight innings, getting them to swing at slider after slider on their shoetops. Adjust, dammit! Vicente Padilla was pitching almost as well, having made one terrible pitch to Rickie Weeks, who smacked it to deep left center to score the only two runs of the game. 2-nuthin. 2-nada. 2-zip. 2-oh(ka). Oh damn.

With the Astros win Sunday night, we're back to 2.5 games out of the wild card, trailing both Florida and Washington, who are now tied at two games back. Florida starts a four game set with the Rockies today with a day/night doubleheader at Coors Field. The Nats and Astros duke it out in Houston for three starting Tuesday. I guess we have to root for Washington to take two of three there, since they are closer to us. We wouldn't want them to sweep or else they'd have the wild card lead, and we'd have no way to make up any ground on them. Then again, none of it matters unless we sweep the Dodgers. We were supposed to get the same pitching matchups as we had at the Bank, when we lost two of three, but the Dodgers moved Brad Penny back to game two and will start rookie D.J. Houlton in the first game tomorrow night. Houlton didn't become a starter until June, and he's been so-so since moving to the rotation, which is an improvement on the downright awful he was in the bullpen. He's certainly a more appealing sight out there than Odalis Perez, who made the Phils look foolish in recording the only 1-0 victory by an opposing pitcher in the history of Citizens Bank Park. In any event, it's getting to the point where I look forward to off days. That can't be good.

BOBBY SOCK

Single, single, walk, grand slam. Yeah, that's a pretty good way to start a game. Bobby Abreu awoke from his home run slumber to stake the Phils to a 4-0 lead in the first inning, and Todd Pratt and Chase Utley added solo shots in a 6-4 win. The Cubs sandwiched two two-run innings around Pratt's fifth inning homer, but never got closer than a 1-run deficit. Brett Myers won his 10th game, and the Swingin' Bullpen Trio was outstanding again, giving up only a single in two and two thirds innings. Daddy Wags picked up save number 25, which, if nothing else, will help him extract more cash from Larry Lucchino and Tom Werner around winter meetings time.

The Astros lost to the sub-.500 but still playoff-hopeful D'Backs, but the Nats and Marlins (oh, and the Braves) also won. The Phils' are now 2.5 back in the wild card and still six back for, oh never mind. The Big Blue Brew Crew stops by for three starting tonight, followed by a six-game trip to Chavez Ravine and Petco Park. Jeez, I sound like Jeannie Zelasko. Anyway, tonight's matchup pits the Brewers big stud, Ben Sheets, against our, uh, decidedly un-stud Corey Lidle. Sheets is on my Strat team, so I've been following him closely. After a Cy Young-quality season last year, he went down early in the season with an inner ear infection, took a while to recover, and has been superb of late. His last outing was a complete-game six-hitter against the Giants. It gets easier the final two games with Chris Capuano on Saturday and the immortal Tomo Ohka on Sunday afternoon, but tonight's game may be simply a chance to watch one of the best pitchers in the majors be his dominant self. Having written that, I now expect a final score of about 14-12.

GRIN AND BARRETT

Sometimes, you have to let the Cubs be the Cubs. On a very odd play that I've never seen before and will likely never see again, the Phillies scored the game-winning run in the bottom of the ninth on a Pat Burrell walk-off strikeout to beat the cursed Cubbies 4-3.

As with most Wednesdays, I missed the prelude. The Phils took a 1-0 lead in the third on a Bobby Abreu double, a Pat Burrell walk, a Ryan Howard infield single, and a David Bell sac fly. Mike Lieberthal followed with an RBI single for a 2-0 lead, and after Robbie Tejeda bunted his way on via Chicago starter Jerome Williams' error, J-Roll grounded into a fielder's choice to score Howard for the third Phils run. Tejeda was fantastic again, allowing only a single run in the fifth on three cheap singles and a sac fly by pinch-hitter Jose Macias.

It was looking like an easy W as Charlie turned it over to the Swingin' Bullpen Trio in the seventh. Ryan Madson got no love from the Phils defense, however, allowing two unearned runs in his seventh inning stint. The only error was by David Bell, who was eaten up by an Aramis Ramirez grounder to lead things off. After Todd Walker whiffed, Neifi Perez doubled and Michael Barrett lined out, Manuel was forced to bring in Frenchie Cormier to face the left-handed pinch-hitter Todd Hollandsworth with runners on second and third. Hollandsworth hit a broken bat looper into right field that Abreu got a terrible jump on and which fell in for a two-run double and a tie game. I had just re-joined the game on the radio at that point, and Wheels and Scott Graham were busy convincing each other that Abreu was justifiably confused by the broken bat. I haven't seen it yet, but in light of the ending, I really don't care anymore.

Will Ohman retired the Phils in the bottom of the seventh, and Oogie Urbina took care of the Cubs in the eighth. The Phils had runners at second third with two outs off Roberto Novoa in their half of the eighth until Tomas Perez skied to shallow center to end the threat. Daddy Wags skated through the top of the ninth, and then the fun began.

Lefty Mike Remlinger, who is far better against righties, took the mound for the Cubs in the ninth. J-Roll, hitting right anyway, greeted him a double up the gap to right center that might have been a triple had there not been none out. Kenny Lofton moved the runner to third with a grounder to Derek Lee and nearly beat it out when Remlinger didn't cover. Dusty Baker then walked Utley and Abreu to load the bases, and inexplicably brought in righty Mike Wuertz to face Burrell. Do managers never look at stats or know their own players? Remlinger held righties to a .562 OPS from 2002 to 2004 vs. .757 vs. lefties, and he has a .699 vs. .884 righty/lefty split this year. The Braves knew this when they had him, and used him as a setup guy against both kind of hitters. Dusty apparently thinks he's a LOOGY despite all evidence to the contrary. Oh well. Like I said, you have to let the Cubs be the Cubs.

Facing Wuertz, Burrell worked the count to 2-2 after taking some bad swings at a couple of sliders, and then swung and missed again on a nasty breaking pitch for the second out. Catcher Michael Barrett, however, couldn't handle the pitch and it squirted behind him a few feet but not all the way to the backstop. With a runner on and less than two outs, of course, Burrell is out without any further play needing to be made. Pat started running to first anyway, and Barrett looked confused for a second before noticing that Jimmy Rollins was barreling home. J-Roll quickly stopped and raced back toward third, and Barrett panicked and heaved the ball toward a stunned Aramis Ramirez, who had to lunge to his left to grab it. J-Roll then executed a perfect pirouette and headed back home again, easily beating Ramirez's return throw for the winning run. I sat there and watched this all unfold on Comcast Sportsnet, not knowing what the hell was going on. I initially thought there was a force play at home, but I forgot that there was only two out after Burrell struck out and nobody had to advance. Then I was pissed at J-Roll for thinking he could score on a ball only feet from home plate. Finally I was jubilant as I realized that Barrett had completely blown the rundown play by making far too long of an initial throw. As Dana Carvey doing Johnny Carson might say, "weird, wild stuff."

The win kept us from falling even further behind the Astros, who shut out Arizona. We even managed to pick up a game on the Braves, again, not that it matters. We're 3.5 back in the wild card, six back in the division. We go for the series win this afternoon with Brett Myers against the oft-injured but brilliant when healthy Mark Prior. Is this a Businessgoat's Special?

TOMAS THEN NO MAS

Infuriating.

The Phils dropped a maddening, disturbing, yes, infuriating game to the Cubs by a 2-1 score last night. They wasted another good outing by Vicente Padilla, who was still in there chucking to start the eighth inning despite having already topped 100 pitches for only the third time this year and despite never having gone more than seven innings all season and despite a rested bullpen. AARRRGHH! Come on, Charlie, you've been extremely consistent in using Madson, Urbina, and Wagner in late-inning pressure situations recently. Why was this one different? Maybe with Brett Myers or a veteran like Jon Lieber or Corey Lidle you let him pitch the eighth inning in a 0-0 game, but certainly not with Padilla.

The results were predictable, as Padilla tired, loading the bases before Oogie was finally summoned. Urbina nearly wild-pitched himself out of the inning, strangely enough. He let one go to Aramis Ramirez that bounced straight back to Mike Lieberthal, who after looking around a bit finally noticed that Jeromy Burnitz was halfway to second base while all the other runners had stayed put. That pickoff was the second out of the inning, and for a moment it looked like the Phils would exit unscathed. Ramirez then hit a sharp grounder that David Bell would handle or at least knock down about 90% of the time. Naturally, the ball skipped by a sliding Bell into left field to score two runs. AAARRGGHHH! again. After a harmless hit by Todd Walker, Neifi Perez was fanned, but the 2-0 deficit loomed over the inept Phillies offense the way the Baseball Writers Association of America will be looming over the career of Rafael Palmeiro in a few years.

The Phillies went quietly in their half of the eighth against Carlos Zambrano, who was doing his best Roger Clemens impersonation last night. Zambrano allowed no runs and only four hits in eight innings. After Madson retired the Cubs in the top half of ninth, Cubs closer-for-now Ryan Dempster retired Kenny Lofton to start the bottom of the inning. Then came a whole lot of missing of the strike zone. Dempster walked Chase Utley, Bobby Abreu, Pat Burrell, and finally Ryan Howard to force in the Phillies only run of the night. In light of ensuing events, it looked like a canny strategy on the part of Dusty Baker. For some unknown reason, Manuel let David Bell, a .207 hitter against righties entering the night, face the hard-throwing Dempster. Tomas Perez a switch hitter, was available on the bench. Matt Kata, another switch hitter, was not, having gone in to pinch-run for Burrell. Why not pinch-run Jason Michaels, a right-handed hitter, and keep Kata available to pinch hit? Why did you not use Micahels at all for any reason? Why, Charlie, why? Bell flailed at a 2-2 slider for the second out, and then Perez, hitting for Lieberthal, had the worst at-bat in recorded history, waving at two high fastballs that Yao Ming would have taken for the game ending strikeout. Did I mention AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

The loss dropped us 3.5 games behind the Astros, who beat Arizona behind the real Roger Clemens. Not that it matters, but the Braves won again (surprise) and now have a 5.5 game lead over Washington, 6.5 over Florida, and 7 over us. The Cubs and Mets are only a half-game back of us for the wild card. Did we ever need that game. Argh.

ACH DU LIEBER!

Recapping the weekend, the Phils turned in a good but not great performance in Colorado, winning three of four and managing to keep within hailing distance of the Astros for the wild card.

Game two on Friday was a solid outing by Brett Myers to pick up his ninth win. Myers went six and change and turned it over to The Chollie Manuel Swingin' Bullpen Trio of Ryan Madson, Oogie Urbina, and Billy Wagner for the final 7 outs and a 5-3 final. The offense was provided by everyone but Pat Burrell, the only Phil to take a collar.

On Saturday, the Phils streaked to a 7-1 lead behind Corey Lidle, who along with Aaron Fultz gave almost all of it back before the C.M.S.B.T. retired the final nine batters in order to wrap up the 8-7 victory. Burrell made up for Friday by going 4-for-4 and driving in two runs and scoring two.

Jeff Francis, the only Rockies pitcher who seems un-intimidated by Coors Field, took the hill on Sunday and mowed down the Phils for six shutout innings in a 9-2 Rockies win. Jon Lieber was also cruising through the first four with only one hit allowed before one of the Rocky Mountains fell on him. The Rocks went single, double, out, single, single, sac fly, HBP, double, single, homer before Lieber was finally pulled after allowing nine runs. Not necessarily needless to say in this park, that was all Colorado needed.

The wild card deficit remains a scant 2.5 games behind the Astros, who finally lost a game on Sunday to the Mets. The Nats also beat the Marlins Sunday, leaving the Fish tied with us for third in the division race, which looks all but over with Atlanta five games clear.

Now for the deadline trade analysis. (Tapping of feet.) (Looking at watch.) (Uncomfortable silence.) (Looking at shoes). Ok, there was no deadline trade. I really thought Ed would move Billy Wagner, but in hindsight, it's probably a good thing he didn't. Considering the names of the players who changed hands, none of them were worth to us what Wagner might be for the next two months, and even if Billy walks away to free agency after the season, we'll still get a sandwich pick in the draft which will be probably be more useful in the long run than Ron Villone or Yorvit Torrealba. The Braves added the flame-throwing but inconsistent Kyle Farnsworth to compete with Chris Reitsma for their closer role. Knowing them, it will work out beautifully and the Braves will win the pennant. If Wade had made that deal, we'd be hanging him in effigy after Farnsworth blew his fifth consecutive save in some sort of spectacular fashion.

We're back home Tuesday after an off day against another wild card rival, the Cubbies. Vicente Padilla looks to extend his recent run of not-bad games against Chicago's Carlos Zambrano. The Brewers are next after the Cubs. The Astros are on a roadie to Arizona and San Fran. It would have been better if it had been St. Louis and Atlanta, but you take what you can get. We could very easily make up the 2.5 on the Astros, but then again, the Nats and Marlins are there, too. The torture continues.

COORS AND A CHASER

It was close, but that's one. The Phils overcame a blown hold by Oogie Urbina to prevail over the Colorado Rockies 8-5 last night. I only watched to the point where Chase Utley hit a two-run homer to make it 5-2. I assumed that the scoring was only just beginning, and I was right, but to a lesser degree than normal at Coors Field. Robbie Tejeda was adequate, pitching five and a third innings and giving up only three runs. After he left, Frenchie Cormier yielded yet another homer, to the other Luis Gonzalez in the seventh, and then Urbina allowed the tying run in the eighth on singles by such luminaries as Garrett Atkins, Eric Byrnes, and Jorge Piedra.

The Phils quickly jumped on the third Rockies reliever, Mike "Grey Poupon" DeJean, to start the ninth. David Bell led off with a double, and was pinch run for by Matt Kata. Ramon Martinez laid down a successful sacrifice, followed by an unsuccessful attempt by Endy Chavez to hit an RBI grounder. J-Roll was intentionally passed, and then Tomas Perez plated Kata with an infield hit to break the tie. Our boy Utley then smacked his second double of the game to clear the bases to make it 8-5. Daddy Wags, in perhaps one of his final appearances as a Phillie, earned his 22nd save with a perfect ninth.

In a very disturbing report on Baseball Prospectus, Will Carroll mentioned that the Pirates are working on shipping, gulp, Jose Mesa, along with former Astros prospect and major disappointment Daryle Ward to the Phillies (or to the Mets). He said the Pirates are looking for minor and major leaguers in return. Please, Ed, if you're actually going to make this deal, just come to my house armed with a .45 and blow my brains out. I wouldn't have much to live for anyway.

Last night's win vaulted us over the Mets and into a tie with the Marlins for third. The Braves are steaming off into the distance toward division crown number 14 straight after sweeping the Nats. Their lead is now three over Washington, whose prowess in one-run games has evaporated like a shot of Everclear in Death Valley (today's high: 116). Jeff Francoeur, who started the season at AA Mississippi, hit a pair of homers to provide the margin of victory, and has 5 dingers in 34 at-bats. Why are we even bothering? Oh yeah, the wild card. Now, if Clemens, Oswalt, and Pettitte all get hurt...

ROGER THAT

Oh, the pain.

The Phillies staggered further westward to the Rocky Mountains last night after dropping an excrutiating 3-2 decision to Roger Clemens and the Astros. Things started off well, with an RBI single by Bobby Abreu to score Chase Utley in the bottom of the first. The Astros then grabbed a lead in the second which they never relinquished on an Orlando Palmeiro double and a very strange successful squeeze play by Brad Ausmus. Yes, they squeezed in the second inning. Having the Rocket on the mound will do that to you. Ausmus popped up the bunt, and Phils starter Vicente Padilla nearly caught it in the air, but like everything else that happens to the Phillies on the road, it wasn't meant to be. The ball somehow managed to get between Padilla's glove and his right hand and reach the turf. Padilla retrieved it and threw out Ausmus, but Palmeiro scored for the 2-1 lead. Lance Berkman singled in another run in the third to make it 3-1, and the Phillies cut the lead to 3-2 in the fourth on a walk to Pat Burrell, a Ryan Howard single, and a Mike Lieberthal sac fly. Then it was Rocket time. Roger went seven, turning it over to Mike Gallo and the incredibly nasty Brad Lidge, who picked up his 24th save in embarrassingly easy fashion.

We're back in last place, 5.5 games behind the Atlanta Anointed Ones, and with five teams (the Mets, Marlins, Nats, Astros, and, shockingly, the Cubs) between us and the wild card. The only positive outcome in Denver would be a four game sweep, which is extremely unlikely, given that baseball at Coors Field is to regular Major League Baseball what Putt-Putt is to the Masters. If we can get the ball to double bank off the sideboards, go through the windmill, and into the clown's mouth, we might win as many as two games, after which our bullpen will need an oxygen tent.

Like I said. Oh, the pain.

LAMB BASED

Do I have to do this?

The Phils lost again, 2-1 to Roy Oswalt and the Astros. Mike Lamb hit a solo homer in the bottom of the ninth on the second pitch delivered by Ryan Madson, who followed Oogie Urbina in relief of a strong Jon Lieber. The indestructible Roger Clemens throws tonight, meaning a sweep is virtually inevitable before we head to Denver for some four hour slow-pitch softball games with the Rockies. Between the losing and Ed Wade's nearly certain failure to make a deadline deal, I don't think this blog can survive this road trip. I think 0-7 (0-8 if you add Wade getting shutout again) is not only possible, but likely. If that happens, well, see you next season because this one will be over. Actually, I think the Phils will take a couple of 12-10 type games at Coors, and Wade will move Billy Wagner for a mid-level starter and a minor leaguer. It'll be just enough to stay nominally in the race and to keep torturing us, but not enough to ultimately catch the Astros, Nats, and Braves.

Hey, the Patriots start camp on Friday!

COREY MAIM

Nice job, Corey. The Phils were pummeled last night by the Astros 7-1 at Minute Maid Park. Craig Biggio and Lance Berkman each hit a pair of homers off Lidle, and Jason Lane added the final blow in the fifth. J-Roll homered for the Phillies' only run. Andy Pettitte was masterful through seven innings, winning his eighth game and dropping his ERA to 2.73. Only six more games to go on Lemony Snicket's Rotten Road Trip.

The only good news was that the Mets lost, and the other three NL East teams were off. Mr. Ed has only five days left to figure out what to say to the media after he fails to get us a starting pitcher. I don't think that "You have no idea how many GM's have Caller ID these days" is going to go over well. We may be buyers, but we're out shopping with a $1.29 in loose change and an expired credit card. I have a sinking feeling that Wade's big trade will be Matt Kata for LaTroy Hawkins and a case of Barry Bonds bobblehead dolls that he'll try to sell on eBay. Good luck in the playoffs, Braves.

BUDDY CAN YOU SPARE A BEER?

What a weekend! And the Phillies swept, too!

First, the Phils. The Dodger series ended with the Phils losing the second 1-0 game in Citizen's Bank Park history. Odalis Perez and three relievers combined on a four hitter, and Jimmy Rollins was apparently too concerned with thinking of something on which to spend his $40 million to be bothered to hit a groundball with a runner on third and one out. He saved the grounder for later when there were runners on first and second and one out for an inning ending DP.

The free-falling Padres came to town on Friday, and fortunately, the Phillies did nothing to impede their downward progress. In what looks to have been a terrific game, Chase Utley ended it in the 11th with a two-out, two-run homer for the 8-6 final. Saturday's game saw Robinson Tejeda turn in another sparkling outing as the Phils won 2-0. Utley struck again with a solo homer off Padres starter Pedro Astacio and scored the other run on a Ryan Howard sac fly. On Sunday, Brett Myers worked six strong innings and Howard hit a pair of doubles to lead the Phils to an easy 5-1 victory. The Nats continued their much anticipated collapse and the Braves split four games since last Thursday, which puts the Phillies three games back of both teams for the division lead and wild card. The bad news is, the Road Trip From Hell starts tonight in Houston against Andy Pettitte and the suddenly unhittable Astros, followed by the bullpen horror show that is Coors Field.

(The rest of this post is being written as a record of the Buddy 20-year reunion. If you have no interest in our stupidity, and why would you, please move along.)

The Buddy Reunion was a smashing success, aside from the four to six Buddies who failed to show up or decided to spend more time on such empty pursuits as oh, coaching their kid's Little League team or visiting their parents. I arrived at Buddy Joe's home on Friday as two of the Buddies, Dave and Steve, were hooking up one of two kegs of Guinness products. Dave works for Guinness and supplied all of the alcohol gratis. I'm assuming he is writing off the trip as a business expense (don't tell the IRS). Aside from the two kegs, there were multiple cases of Smirnoff Ice, Red Stripe, Guinness Draught, Smithwick, and numerous other Guinness brands I can't recall. Suffice it to say, no liver was left unscathed.

The Buddy Meet and Greet was followed by Buddy Jeopardy. Dave pulled out two poster boards covered with Post-It notes which contained the answers. The categories included: Herkimer Retards, Herkimer Landmarks, Buddy Nicknames, Herkimer Legends, More Herkimer Retards, and Buddy Crushes. The Final Jeopardy question was "The total number of times the people in this room have been arrested and charged with at least a misdemeanor offense." The correct question, after much obfuscation, denial, and outright lying, was, "What is nine?" Steve, also known as "Satan", led the way with four. Frightening. We all stayed up until 4 AM after about five hours of Buddy reverie so vulgar and disgusting that Comcast would surely shutter this web site if it were fully explicated, at which point our host Joe announced he was going to bed, prompting loud shouts of "Faggot!".

After a few hours of sleep, we all reconvened at 9 AM for the Buddy nine-hole golf outing. I shot a respectable 44, but Dave, who plays regularly with his distributor customers, took the day with a 42. Steve, meanwhile, arrived late on the second hole, driving a cart that some misguided person in the clubhouse had rented him. His approach to scoring, and to playing the game in general, was novel to say the least. At one point, Steve hit a low slice into a tree and was taunted by a pudgy 7 or 8 year old playing behind us, causing him to remark loudly "Hey, I was just made fun of by a fat kid!"

After golf, it was time for the epic Driveway Whiffle Ball doubleheader. The games were played "marks" style. A grounder that could not be fielded before crossing the road was a single; a liner that cleared the driveway and hit the road in the air was a double; any ball that hit a parked car across the street in the air was a triple; and any ball that cleared the road in the air and landed in the grass on the other side was a homer. Buddy Chris, Buddy Bob, and I took on Buddy Dave, the other Buddy Dave, and Buddy Steve. Dave pulled out a mini-breathalyzer that Guinness had given him, providing us with the only significant stats that were recorded in the games. Steve, to no one's surprise, once again led the way in that department, topping out with a BAC of 0.26. He also led all players in exposing himself to us, the neighbors and passing cars, three times to none. Buddy Rob, who arrived after the first game and played in the second game on my team, broke all rules of protocol and brought his wife. By the end of the second game, he had a BAC of 0.19 and she was a 0.14. The two teams eventually split. I was the nominal MVP of game one, but during the between games pool break I went back to my hotel to get my swim trunks and changed from my sneakers into my man sandals. Big mistake. I was about 2-for-20 in the second game and made the last out in extra innings.

We played another half-hearted game of only six innings as it was getting dark, but since no one could really see the whiffle ball, or were seeing multiple whiffle balls, we decided to just sit in the garage and drink. The topic of the conversation turned to a discussion that Chris and his family were having a few weeks ago about me and my academic record. Chris recounted that his mother, our third grade teacher in Catholic school and the sweetest woman who has ever lived, called me "exceptional". At this point, Chris (BAC 0.21) called his mother on his cell phone. She picked up the phone, and Chris hollered, "Hey, Footsie!". Yes, he calls his sweet old mother "Footsie". This is a reference to a C-grade exploitation/horror/porn movie called "Blood Sucking Freaks" that Chris and Dave used to watch repeatedly while in college together. One of the characters in the film, named Ralphus, liked to use women as footstools. Since Chris' father was named Ralph, naturally his mother is now referred to as "Footsie". After several minutes of protestation that he wasn't drunk, Chris harangued his mother to repeat what she had said about me on the speakerphone so that I could hear it. Later he called her again to ask her who was smarter, me or Maureen "McBrain". Maureen had enrolled in our Catholic school during the second half of 8th grade and completely blew my relatively feeble academic achievements out of the water. She's now a Harvard fellow and writes occasional book reviews for the New York Times. Chris' mother refused to answer, having never taught her, but you only had to notice which one of the two was not sitting in a garage in Herkimer at that moment to know the correct response.

After that, we went in and ordered pizza and wings and put on the late Yankee game in Anaheim. Steve and Dave passed out and the floor, and Chris dumped half a glass of Guinness on the carpet right after Vladimir Guerrero blasted a three-run dinger off Kevin Brown. I went back to my hotel at midnight, and four of us met on Sunday morning for breakfast at Chet's Lunch, legendary home of "Two On A Roll", whatever that is. We said our goodbyes and headed our respective ways. I hope it isn't 20 years before we meet again, and I think we all really hope that Dave keeps his job.

SO I WAS WRONG...AGAIN

What the hell? 10-2 in the 9th? So much for pounding on Derek Lowe. I'll think I'll just skip the post-mortem on this one tomorrow. Braves won, Nats are down but coming back. What new.

I'll be in Herkimer, New York all weekend at a 20-year mini-high school reunion with our little clique. We've been told to abandon our wives and families for this one. I expect the alcohol consumption to approximate what it would be like if Keith Richards and Colin Farrell were locked in a warehouse full of Jack Daniels for a weekend. Look for us on Reuters Oddly Enough news.

RYAN EXPRESS

Well, that was unexpected.

Ryan Howard ended a tense affair with the Dodgers in the bottom of the 10th inning with an emphatic two-run homer over the Lukoil sign off LA closer Yhency Brazoban to give the Phils an improbable 5-4 victory.

Prior to Ryan's blast, it looked like another heartbreaking defeat for the Phils. The game had been a close, back and forth contest all night. Mexican League fill-in Oscar Robles hit his first major league homer off Brett Myers' fourth pitch of the night to stake the Dodgers to a 1-0 lead. A J-Roll triple and an RBI grounder by Lofton tied it up in the bottom of the inning, and Pat Burrell put the Phils on top 2-1 with a long home run to lead off the second. Los Angeles rallied in the fourth to go up 3-2 on a Hee Choi single and doubles by Jayson Werth and pitcher Brad Penny. Chase Utley re-tied the game in the fifth with yet another clutch two-out RBI hit to score J-Roll, who had doubled. The bullpens took over in the seventh and neither staff allowed another run until the tenth.

In the top of the tenth, Billy Wagner, working his second inning of relief, issued a one-out walk to Jeff Kent. Mike Edwards then drove a fly to deep right field that Bobby Abreu should have caught. Instead, Bobby overran the ball and made an ill-timed leap as it sailed past his glove and off the wall for a double. Once again, Abreu demonstrated that he has no feel for how close he is to the fence and that he tends to panic when he gets close to the barrier. Somebody needs to spend an afternoon hitting fly ball after fly ball off the wall so that Bobby can better gauge how close he is and whether or not he has to jump or can stay on his feet and under control. I don't know whether he's not interested in improving this aspect of his defense, or if the coaches don't push it, but his poor play on balls near the wall has contributed to several Phillies losses over his career and should be addressed. This is not to take anything away from his hitting and his overall contribution to the offense; I'm a big Abreu supporter. It just seems like this is something he can learn how to do, so why not try to improve?

With runners on second and third, Jason Phillips was intentionally passed, and Wags began to extricate himself by striking out pinch hitter Antonio Lopez. Werth then stood by as Billy missed the plate badly on four straight pitches, walking in Kent for the go-ahead run. Wagner recovered to get Jason Repko to bounce back to the mound, but it seemed as though one more game that should have been won had slipped away.

Then came Pat Burrell and his blazing speed. Burrell led off the bottom of the tenth off Brazoban with a deep drive to left just over the glove of the 6'5" Werth and off the cement part of the wall just above the out-of-town scoreboard, about one or two feet short of going out. The ball ricocheted back toward the infield, and Burrell scampered as fast as his leaden legs could carry him. As Larry Anderson mentioned, he "hit a wall" at second base. By the time Werth tracked down the ball, he had a relatively short throw to third, and from what I could see on TV, he nailed Burrell sliding into third. Thankfully, third base ump Joe Brinkman missed the call. That set up Howard, who clobbered the first pitch he saw to deep left center to secure his date with Tomas Perez' shaving cream-laden towel.

The Nats got another strong game from John Patterson to shutout the woeful Rockies, but the Braves lost a late game to the Giants to lower their wild card advantage over us to 3.5 games. Tonight, Corey Lidle tries to recover from his poor start versus Florida against the inconsistent Derek Lowe. Lowe's ERA has been climbing steadily all season, and he's given up 144 hits in 127 and one third innings. His July ERA is 9.22 after enduring pummelings by Arizona and San Fran. We may as well not fight the trend.

A GIRL, SEVERAL IDIOTS, AND A SEARCH ENGINE

No, "Monk" fans, I don't have any photos of Traylor Howard nude either.

Now to sit back and watch the hit count go up for "Traylor Howard Nude". That was "Traylor Howard Nude", I said.

D-RAILED

I tuned in to Friday's game for one pitch. It was from Tim Worrell, and it was hit out of the yard by Paul LoDuca to give the Marlins a 9-4 lead. That was all I needed to hear, and was pretty much the story of the game. Corey Lidle was mercilessly pounded by Florida for seven runs on eleven hits in three and a third innings. The bullpen allowed two more, which ended up being the margin of victory in a 9-7 Marlins win. There were some good hitting performances by several Phils, but it wasn't enough to overcome Lidle's execrable outing.

Saturday was a better day. Marlins starter Scott Olsen didn't make it out of the second inning as the Phils scored six early runs on an Utley 3-run homer, a Pratt solo shot, and a Burrell two-run single. There was a rain delay, and then the Marlins battled back to make it 6-4 off Jon Lieber before the Phils tacked on four late runs to pull away to a 10-5 victory. Once again, the offense clicked as every starter got a hit and scored a run.

On Sunday, the D-Train and his 13-4 record pulled into the station against the suddenly effective Vicente Padilla. Vicente himself started off the scoring in the second with an unlikely triple to score Michaels and Ramon Martinez. Utley knocked in a run in the third, and then J-Roll smacked another triple to score a run in the fourth. Lieby, still looking Abreu-ish, homered in the sixth to make it 5-0, and Tomas Perez doubled in two more later in the inning to knock Willis out of the game. Utley plated Perez to saddle Dontrelle with a total of eight earned runs in five and two thirds innings and his fifth loss. The Marlins added four quick runs in the ninth off Worrell, who may as well go back on the DL, before Oogie came in to finish them off. Padilla was fantastic, lasting seven innings for the first time all season and allowing only two hits and two walks. More performances like that would be a huge lift, but Padilla's been anything but consistent in his Phillies tenure.

Today's an off day, and then the injury-plagued Dodgers stop by for three. The NL West leading Padres finish off the homestand over the weekend. The series win over Florida puts the Phils at 48-45, 5.5 games back of the Nats and four out of the Braves' wild card lead. We keep looking superlative at home, but have yet to show any road ability. Unfortunately, we've played six more home games than either the Braves or the Nats, and they both have a better home record than we do, which makes the remainder of the schedule a double-whammy against us. We're either going to have to play even better at home, or finish with a winning road record to catch either Atlanta or Washington, unless they both collapse, which is unlikely. Baseball Prospectus has our playoff odds at 21.6%, and predicts that we'd need to go 42-27 the rest of the way just to win the wild card. I hope Ed's cell phone plan has a lot of minutes.

CHARLIE AND THE POP-UP FACTORY

So, it takes Mike Lieberthal, what, eight years to decide that maybe he should try to emulate Bobby Abreu? Quick thinking, there, Lieby.

Lieberthal, looking much like his new mentor, laced a pair of home runs, and the rest of the Phillies hitters even shot the (Randy) Messenger as they romped to a 13-7 victory at the Park last night. Pat Burrell added two very long home runs of his own, and Ryan Howard hit another blast. The key play in the game took place in the fifth with the scored tied 4-4. J-Roll walked (not a typo) and moved to third on Kenny Lofton's single. Chase Utley then managed to hit a ball that nearly bounced to the plate just over pitcher A.J. Burnett's head to the second baseman Luis Castillo. With the Fish conceding the go-ahead run, Rollins scored and Lofton moved to third, scoring later on an Abreu sac fly. This sequence gave the Phils a 6-4 lead and helped to knock out Burnett, whose replacements were downright awful. Chris Resop (read that name backwards) surrendered Lieberthal's second homer, and the aforementioned Messenger gave up Burrell's second shot. Mad Dog, Oogie and Cormier cleaned up, although only Oogie managed to not allow any runs.

Cory Lidle throws tonight against Brian Moehler. Moehler's ERA has gone from 1.97 on May 27th to his current still respectable figure of 3.27. He's won his last two games, against the Mets and Brewers, barely going the minimum required five innings each time, and relying on good run support. Lidle, meanwhile, hasn't failed to get to the 8th inning since June 6th, winning three of those six starts.

The Braves and Nats both lost, putting the Phils into third place, 6.5 out of first and four back of the wild card. The Marlins dropped into a last place tie with the Mets at 7 games out.

I'm probably going to miss tonight's game, instead opting to take in "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory" with my wife.

Oompa Loompa Doomp-a-dee Doo,
I've got a perfect question for you.
Oompa Loompa Doomp-a-dee Dee,
Charlie had better listen to me.
What do you get when you bat J-Roll first?
His on-base percentage is nearly the worst.
You've got Mister Lofton just sitting right there.
J-Roll is fast but he swings...at...air.
Let's give him forty million.
Oompa Loompa Doomp-a-dee Dah,
If you take walks then you will go far,
And you will live in happiness too,
Like the Oompa Loompa Doomp-a-dee do!

EYES WIDE ... UH, OPEN

Day three of Phillies withdrawal.

In the AP report of Michelle Wie's match play victory over Will Claxton of Auburn University in the US Amateur Public Links Championship, they previewed her second round match today vs. C. D. Hockersmith of Richmond, IN. They mentioned that Hockersmith has a rare condition in which he "sleeps with his eyes open."

Number 1) Why does C.D. go around advertising this? Number 2) Why does the AP report it? And most importantly, number 3) WTF? He sleeps with his eyes open? (comical shaking of the head with the mouth making a bubbling sound) Huh?

I KNOW NOTHING!

Many of us in the blogosphere (How do we know it's a sphere? Maybe it's an oblate spheroid. Or a torus. Or even a Taurus. Yeah, that's it, it's an '88 Taurus SHO, with a 3.1L V6, a compass in the dash and this thing that tells time) (Please don't write me to say that the '88 Taurus didn't have an SHO model or that it didn't offer a 3.1L V6. I don't care, and get a life) (Yes that was an "A Christmas Story" reference at the end there. Maybe I should get a life, too) (Ok enough parentheticals. What was I talking about? Oh yeah) have taken the opportunity of the All-Star break to either grade the Phillies first half or preview the second half, or both.

Here's my first half grade: Incomplete. The season's half over, and nobody cares what your record is in July. I wish they had won more games, but even with the first-half they've had, they could still win it all. They'll need to either pitch better or hit better or both to do it.

My second-half preview: I have no idea what's going to happen. None whatsoever. Actually, that's not true. Here's what will happen: based on the last 13 years, you'd have to expect the Braves to win the division. However, they could be beset by injuries, or John Smoltz could decide to start working as an architect at HOK, or Andruw Jones could become the military dictator of Curacao, or any number of things could happen, and there's always the wild card. The Angels, Marlins and Red Sox won the World Series the last three years. Hands up who saw that coming? Another thing that will happen: we'll analyze and handicap this thing until we've wrung nearly all the fun out of it, and some crazy shit will happen that nobody expected and we'll all say, "That's baseball!" It could happen to the Phillies as well as anyone else. And no matter what happens, I'll be sitting my sorry ass in front of the tube for the first televised Spring Training game in Clearwater again next March. Until then, I'll whine, complain, give Ed Wade and Dave Montgomery unsolicited suggestions that they won't even read let alone consider, delight at every win and be depressed with every loss until the Phils are either mathematically eliminated or are parading down Broad Street.

If you were looking for insightful analysis, well, you got what you paid for.

Now, let's play some ball!

NO NATIONAL DISGRACE (WELL, MAYBE FRANK WAS)

For what it's worth, the Phils took two of three from the stubbornly front-running Washington Nationals. All three games were decided by one run, the type of game in which the Nats had heretofore excelled and in which the Phillies had been struggling, which may mean something but probably doesn't.

I missed most of Friday night's game indulging my wife in a night out at the Brandywine Regal GooglePlex watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". This film reminds me of the Phillies: beautiful on the surface, but awash in mediocrity at every other level. In any case, the Nats sprinted out to a 5-0 lead before the Phils bats awoke, scoring three in the fifth, two of those on a Ryan Howard two-out double. Howard is emerging as the hitter we've all hoped. More on him later. Aaron Fultz then let has-been Carlos Baerga take him deep in the top of the sixth for a three-run homer, extending the Washington lead to 8-3. The Phils roared back in the bottom of the inning against Joey Eischen and Luis Ayala, scoring four and nearly tying the game on another Howard two-out double. This time, Pat Burrell was thrown out trying to score. As if one tying run being cut down at the plate wasn't enough, the Nats did it again in the seventh when David Bell was nabbed trying to score on a grounder by Jason Michaels with nobody out. Wheels explained it on the radio by saying that you have the contact play on there because if Vinny Castilla grabs the ball and tags out Bell, he can get a double play. I didn't see the location of the grounder, but I'm still skeptical. It seems to me if you have runners on second and third and nobody out, you play it pretty conservative and make sure the ball goes to at least one of the middle infielders, who I believe were playing back at the time, before heading home. If it's hit to Castilla and he makes the play at first, you still have only one out, and you definitely do the contact play at that point. The end result was, as has been typical, no runs for the Phillies in the seventh, a 1-2-3 eighth and Chad Cordero coming on in the ninth to record his league-leading 31st save.

I'll have to confess I thought Saturday's game was a night game. I spent the afternoon sorting through about a million DVR recordings after our vacation. I didn't miss much action at the Park. Both Cory Lidle and Nats starter John Patterson threw scoreless gems through seven innings, with Lidle extending his to the top of the eighth. Frank Robinson inexplicably let Patterson hit for himself in the eighth, but then sent in Hector Carrasco to pitch the bottom of the inning. I think Frank simply changed his mind about the pitching change after Patterson's at-bat, and then said, "aw, the hell with it, I'm bringing in Hector anyway." Daddy Wags negotiated the top of the ninth with no trouble, and the Phillies quickly loaded the bases off Carrasco in the bottom of the ninth around another Pat Burrell strikeout. David Bell then stepped up and got the job done with a medium deep fly to left, scoring Bobby Abreu for a 1-0 final. This game was the very first 1-0 in the history of Citizens Bank Park, and it came on the same day as the Rockies had their first 1-0 game ever at Coors Field. I think it had something to do with the vortex of voodoo that surrounds Vinny Castilla (how else can you explain why anyone throws him a fastball ever?), but I'm not sure.

Sunday's game was one of the most pleasing in recent memory. The Nats took a 1-0 lead in the third on a Matt Cepicky RBI single scoring Brad Wilkerson. They extended their lead to 3-0 on a Jose Guillen two-run blast in the fourth off the gopheriffic Jon Lieber. The Phils dented the board in the bottom of the fourth with another Howard RBI, this time a single scoring Abreu to make it 3-1. The Phils then loaded the bases with one out off starter Esteban Loaiza in the fifth, and looked poised to blow the game open when Jimmy Rollins alertly raced home on a wild pitch that barely eluded catcher Brian Schneider. Burrell, however, added to his mounting strikeout total, and Chase Utley followed with a hapless at-bat where he swung at several bad pitches and eventually struck out as well, stranding runners at second and third. To top off that disappointment, Ryan Madson surrendered the wild pitch run right back in the seventh, uncorking one to score Jamey Carroll with two outs, giving the Nats a 4-2 lead. Then, Frank Robinson and his unerring sense of how not to handle a bullpen struck again. With one out in the eighth, Utley and Howard due up, and lefty reliever Joey Eischen ready to go, Frank stuck with righty Gary Majewski, who was probably as surprised as anyone. Majewski walked Utley, and then, still in there to face Howard, left a breaking ball in Howard's down-and-in joy zone, which Ryan hit like a Phil Mickelson 2-iron into the shrubbery over the 401 sign in center to tie the game. Un-freaking-believeable. David Bell followed with a double, and then, as if waking up from an afternoon nap, which he may have been, Robbie finally inserted Eischen, who intentionally walked Tomas Perez before immediately heading to the showers. I didn't watch any post-game interviews with Robinson, and far as the Philly and Washington papers are concerned he offered no explanation. Again, I think he just blew it.

The next three innings were a brilliant display of relief work by Chad Cordero and Sunny Kim of the Nats and for the Phils, Oogie Urbina, Daddy Wags, and surprise or surprise, Frenchie Cormier. Neither team got a man to third, until Todd Pratt singled David Bell there in the bottom of the twelfth with one out. Jason Michaels nearly ended the game with a fly to left, but it wasn't quite deep enough to send the slow-footed Bell. Charlie Manuel then went to end of the bench for Ramon Martinez, the spare part acquired from Detroit in the Polanco deal. Martinez took a strike and a ball, and then drove a fastball past the hobbling Vinny Castilla into left field for the game-winner and a joyous All-Star break Phillies clubhouse.

What does it all mean? We slayed the current first-place dragons at their own game, and they may be toppling down the standings in rapid fashion after the break. Or maybe the break is just what the Nats needed to recharge. Or maybe we're starting another roll. Or maybe we would have started a roll if the All-Star break hadn't intervened. Or maybe the Braves will stop toying with us all and win 30 of the next 35. I guess it doesn't mean anything. But it sure was nice to see that ball go into left field.

The standings at the break have the Nats in first by 2.5 over Atlanta (who has the wild card), 7 over Florida, 7.5 over us, and 8 over the Mets. We start up again on Thursday with a critical four-game set at home against Florida, and then three games apiece against the injury-riddled but still dangerous Dodgers and the NL West leading Padres. We need to win at least seven of ten to move up, and at least six (two vs. Florida) to stay where we are. Until then, ¡Viva Abreu!, ¡Viva Venezuela!

SPLITSBURGH

Disappointing. Very disappointing.

When you play a team that's reeling, is throwing a rookie starter, and your guy gives up only two runs, you have to win. Despite six extra base hits, somehow the Phillies didn't win. On top of that, Joe Table himself came in to finish off the Phils in the ninth for the 2-1 final. Very, very disappointing.

Brett Myers had poor command, walking four and running the count to three balls on several other occasions. One of those was to Humberto Cota, who drilled a 3-1 fastball into the left field seats with a man on to provide the Pirates' only runs. Still, Myers worked out of several jams of his own making, and did more than enough to win this one. Once again, the Phillies could not provide enough clutch hits, going 1-for-10 with runners in scoring position, the one being Chase Utley's eighth inning RBI single. Michaels and Bell fronted the lineup again, hitting a combined 3-for-9, but none of the hits were of any consequence in the outcome.

The Evil Spawn, turning on the evil full bore, swept the Cubbies and are now six full games ahead of us for the wild card, and are closing fast on the Nats to take their rightful place atop the division. We're in last now because of the Mets' extra-inning defeat of Washington. It's all starting to fall into place. Get the resumé ready, Ed.

BUC O

Not that I'm not appreciative, but where was that all season, Vicente? Sure, the Pirates anemic (or should that be scurvy dog?) offense helped, but still. We could sure use more of that the rest of the season. Padilla blanked the Bucs for six innings, and Mad Dog, Oogie and Daddy Wags all posted zeroes for an inning apiece to complete the 5-0 shutout. The Braves game was rained out, dropping the wild card deficit to 4.5 games.

Jimmy Rollins' late hand injury forced Manuel to make the move he needs to make permanently and put the Lofton/Michaels platoon in the leadoff spot. Facing lefty Mark Redman, Michaels got the start last night, although his personal liberty is in dire jeopardy after last week's pop-a-cop incident. I also thought it was remarkably prescient of Charlie to put David Bell in the two hole. Bell is killing lefties this season, and with his lack of power he's not doing much good in the seventh spot. As it turned out last night, Michaels and Bell went a combined 1-for-10 with 1 RBI, but I think Charlie has finally arrived at a lineup that will work. Against righties, he should lead off with Lofton and bat Rollins second. Rollins has an almost acceptable .739 OPS batting left-handed. Nobody really fits well in that two spot against righties, to be honest, which is part of the Phillies' problem. Even with Manuel's stubborn insistence on batting Rollins leadoff, the Phils are still fourth in the league in runs. The team ahead of us in third, however, is the team we have to catch, Atlanta, and more runs is always a good thing. Giving up less runs would be even better, but the prospects there aren't good. We're in 12th place in the NL in ERA, and both Florida and Atlanta are giving up close to a run fewer per game than we are.

The Bucs' series culminates tonight with Brett Myers facing the very studly-named 22-year-old Texan Zach Duke. Duke, another lefty, pitched reasonably well in his Major League debut start against Milwaukee, surrendering three runs with 9 K's in seven innings in a 5-3 loss. Duke was rated the Pirates' number one pitching prospect heading into the season by the highly respected minor league guru John Sickels, even ahead of Ian Snell, who they recalled a week earlier, and John Van Benschoten, who debuted last season and blew out his shoulder in spring training. It'll be interesting to see if Bell stays in the two spot even if Rollins plays.

WELLS DONE

Kip Freaking Wells. Let's go to the stats.

as of 7/4/05:

Wells, Kip......99 IP, 98 H, 61 R, 51 ER, 15 HR, 53 BB, 73 K, 4.64 ERA

This guy pitched a four-hit shutout? Against the fourth best run scoring team in the National League? Preposterous.

And now, finally, my McAfee Coliseum photos! They weren't worth the wait.

WHA' HOPPENED?

Quickly for the record, here is a rundown of the games I missed while vacating in Kollie-forn-e-a:

June 24th: Red Sox 8, Phils 0. Tim Wakefield's knuckler was knuckling.
June 25th: Red Sox 7, Phils 1. Whatever Padilla's pitches were supposed to do weren't doing it.
June 26th: Red Sox 12, Phils 8. The Phils battled back from 8-1 to tie it at eight, then Cormier gave four right back.
June 28th: Mets 8, Phils 3. Robbie Tejeda had a rare bad outing, and Geoff Geary made it worse.
June 29th: Phils 6, Mets 3. Thank God for Cory Lidle.
June 30th: Mets 5, Phils 3. Pedro, Pedro, Pedro!
July 1st: Braves 9, Phils 1. Smoltz toyed with us again.
July 2nd: Phils 6, Braves 3. Myers went eight and change, nearly blowing a 6-0 lead, but Wagner closed.
July 3rd: Braves 4, Phils 3. Heartbreak. The Phils lost in the ninth after leading 3-0 on Ryan Howard's homer in the fourth.
July 4th: Phils 12, Pirates 1. Finally, a laugher. Bobby got voted to the All-Star team and hit a slam.

Ten games, 3 wins, 7 losses. We're now 42-41, 8.5 games back of T.F.N. and four games out of the wild card, now held by the Braves. Florida is also standing between us and the wild card. When I left, we had the wild card lead by a half game. I'm going to upstate NY in three weeks for a weekend with my high school friends. At the rate my vacations are going, we should be buried in last place by the time I get back from that one.

It isn't completely over yet, but it's getting very close. These last two series before the break could determine a lot. If the Phils continue spanking the Pirates like they did last night, and carry that over against Washington at home, we still have a shot. If they revert to recent form, the season is done. You really can't expect them to make up 12 or 13 games (7 or 8 on the wild card) without Thome and Wolfie and with Padilla stinking up the league. Any shot of trading Howard for a starting pitcher is toast, not that that's such a bad thing. A healthy Howard should be able to outperform an obviously useless Thome, which may be the permanent state of things as far as we know. Had Wade dealt Howard for someone of the caliber of Barry Zito, we'd really be in trouble.

About the only chance we've got is if 1) Howard plays about as well as his AAA numbers suggest, 2) either Gavin Floyd or Cole Hamels comes up and pitches well, 3) everybody else plays about the same as they are now (except for Lieberthal, who needs to pick it up), 4) Charlie permanently fixes the leadoff spot by using Lofton and (if he stays out of jail) Michaels instead of Rollins, and 5) the Nationals collapse as expected and we help them do it.

It would be nice if Wade could swing a deadline deal for a starting pitcher, but we all know he won't deal Hamels or Floyd, and he can't deal Howard, and nobody wants anything else we have. So everybody, don't be bitching when we wake up on August 1st and Wade hasn't made the transactions wire. It simply isn't going to happen.

Photos of McAfee Coliseum are coming shortly. Or, more precisely, when I get off my ass. They aren't that impressive anyway, believe me.

WALK ON BY (YES, TWO DIONNE WARWICK REFERENCES IN A ROW)

More quick takes...

We just got back from McAfee Coliseum, where the A's rode nine walks to a 6-2 thumping of the hapless Seattle Ichiros. Since we are on vacation and can easily convince ourselves that the money we are spending doesn't really count, we bought the best seats available, which entitle the buyer to a seat in an indoor cafe with a spectacular view of the field, plus $10 off each for a meal, which admittedly was overpriced. Still, you can't beat it. You also get to sit out in the second deck nearby if you want to, which we did for the first four innings until we turned into nuclear mutants from the blazing sunshine. Did I mention it's been about 80-85 and sunny here every day, and not that sweaty, inside the crook of a Saint Bernard's armpit 80-85 degrees you get in Philly but a clear, dry, spectacular 80-85 degrees that makes you feel like an extra in Albert Brooks' "Defending Your Life"? No? Ok, I just did. Anyway, watching the Athletics in their beautiful, serviceable, and inexpensive ballpark systematically vivisect and devour Gil Meche with base on balls after base on balls, after recently watching the Phillies make him look like the second coming of Walter Johnson, only served to further strengthen the idea that I never want to go home, ever.

Ok, not very quick. But I had to get that out. I'll post some photos when I get home.

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY?

Quick takes...

Red Sox Series: Didn't see it. Didn't want to see it.

San Jose Norman Y. Mineta Airport: That's good. Name the airport after the guy who was Secretary of Transportation when 9/11 happened. That should inspire confidence.

FLYING THROUGH O'HARE...WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

I'm off tomorrow morning with the wife to the Bay Area for a week's vacation. We're bringing the laptop, and the place has wireless broadband, so at the very least I'll catch some games on MLB.TV, and I'll even sneak in an entry or two if I get tired of looking at the Monterey coastline and such. I'll also post some shots of the A's/Mariners tilt at McAfee Coliseum when I get back. Maybe I can get Mr. Overrated to sign my program!

CHECK-MET

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. If you're going to swing at the first pitch, swing! Oh, well. You can't complain too much. We'd be swimming with the Devil Rays without Abreu.

The Phils dropped the game, 4-3, and the series, 2-1, to the recently foundering Metsies yesterday afternoon at the Park. Cory Lidle had another workmanlike effort, where he pitched his usual six-plus innings and gave up his usual four runs. Typically, the Phillies bats have been enough to win these kinds of games, especially at home, but yesterday they couldn't solve the normally very solvable Kaz Ishii. Kaz picked up only his second win of the season mainly by stymieing the big two, Abreu and Burrell. Thome took him deep, but neither Bobby nor Pat nor anyone else for that matter was on base at the time. Jason Michaels had a nice game, getting three hits and keeping the game alive in the ninth for Abreu to ultimately end it with his feeble check swing bouncer to the mound. Braden Looper saved it for New York, and despite what the WFAN idiots have been whining about, he's done a pretty good job, certainly against us.

Once again, Phillies pitchers could not manage to keep Jose Reyes off the bases. The Mets shortstop went 3-for-5 with a run scored and stole three bases. Is it bad execution of the game plan, or just a lack of a game plan? How can you give Reyes anything good to hit when he obviously will swing at anything? If there was one key to why we lost this series, Reyes' anomalous success may be it.

The Phillies fell to 13-20 vs. the NL East. Obviously, there will be no October baseball in Philadelphia if that winning percentage keeps up. The Spawn were blanked by Florida and T.F.N. were off, putting the division deficit to 3.5 games and leaving the wild card lead at a half-game. The Faithless meet the Faithful tonight as the World Champion Boston Red Sox drop by for the first of three. The Champs have won four straight, and nine of ten, although five of those nine wins came at home against the imploding Reds and the perpetually rebuilding Pirates. Knuckleballer Tim Wakefield takes on Jon Lieber in the opener. Now, for those going to the game, the Phillies fans seats are in the upper deck, last three rows. Try to not to disturb the Red Sox fans. They've paid good money for those tickets, and they've traveled all this way. Even when they start up with the "NINE-TEEN EIGHTY" chants, just look the other way.

AARON GO BOOM

I was right about the low run total, until Aaron Heilman came in. Up to that point, Robbie Tejeda had gone six innings only allowing one run, and Victor Zambrano had only allowed two runs. Ryan Madson had given up the tying run the top of the 7th to make it 2-2. Heilman is sort of Ryan Madson's opposite number on the Mets. Mets fans are clamoring to get him in the rotation, and he has a similar build and pitching style. Lefthander Royce Ring (not his porn name, as far as we know) started the bottom of the 7th by striking out Abreu and walking Thome. With the righthanded Pat Burrell coming up, Willie Randolph brought in Heilman. Then, basically, all hell broke loose. Heilman hit Burrell with his first pitch, allowed an RBI single to Chase Utley, struck out David Bell, allowed another RBI single to Mike Lieberthal, gave up an infield single to Jason Michaels, wild pitched in a run, and walked Jimmy Rollins. Now with three lefthanded hitters due up, Randolph mercifully pulled Heilman and inserted Korean lefty Dae-Sung Koo. Kenny Lofton timed a few fastballs and then slapped a double down the left field line to clear the bases to give the Phillies an 8-2 lead. Final numbers on Heilman: 1/3 IP, 3H, 5ER, 1BB. Omar Minaya will be accepting apologies from Mets fans on "Mike and the Mad Dog" later today.

Oogie started the 8th and had another rough outing, allowing a 2-run homer to Mike Piazza with two outs. When does Tim Worrell get back? Just kidding. Daddy Wags finished off the Mets in the 9th for a non-save and the 8-4 final.

You know, if Yukon Cornelius were allowed to only play the Phillies for 162 games a year, we'd be speculating about the size of his head and what he told the grand jury in the BALCO case. He hit roughly his 578th home run against the Phils last night, off Tejeda, who has pitched over 16 innings as a starter this year without allowing a run to anybody else.

It's a Lost Productivity Special at Citizens Bank Park this afternoon as Kaz "O-Ren" Ishii takes on Cory Lidle in the rubber game (The Rubber Game, starring Royce Ring!) of the series. Do you even have to ask if Washington and Atlanta won last night? The wild card lead is still a half-game, and the division deficit is still three games. In other news, Wolfie's third opinion was also to get cut, making it nearly certain that he will have the surgery and be out for a minimum of 14 months. Looks like a spot opened up on my Strat team for next season. Meanwhile down in Clearwater, Cole Hamels returned from breaking his hand in a bar fight to strike out eight and walk two in five dominating innings Tuesday. According to the Inquirer, Assistant GM Mike Arbuckle wants to get him 100 innings at A and AA, but if Tejeda craters, Padilla continues to miss starts, Floyd doesn't get it together, and Wade can't swing a deadline deal (if?) the Phils may have no option but to bring him up. Cole, if you must hang out down on South Street, lead with your right hand.

NEW YORK WIN IT

Of course I meant the Phils were off on Monday. Unfortunately, they played last night, and not well. Brett Myers was uncharacteristically atrocious, and all the usual Mets suspects (Yukon Cornelius, Piazza, Minky, Victor "Who Dat" Diaz) contributed to an 8-5 drubbing. Oogie turned a 1-run game into a 3-run game about as quickly as a Tom Cruise romance by giving up homers to Mientkiewicz and, of all people, Brian Daubach in a dismal 8th inning of "relief". The only highlight for the Phillies was their barely insufficient comeback from an early 5-1 deficit, which itself was highlighted by reliever Aaron Fultz's base hit and subsequent head first dive into home plate.

I think the most egregious example of Myers' and the bullpen's awfulness last night was their allowing leadoff mangler Jose Reyes, who entered the night with a .271 OBP, to reach base three times. He eventually scored twice, and was generally in the middle of every Mets rally. If Willie Randolph is going to put such an offensive liability in the no. 1 spot, you have to take advantage.

While T.F.N. also lost, the Atlanta Evil Spawn (A.E.S.?) won, tightening up the wild card race to a half-game. Robbie Tejeda tries to extend his unscored-upon streak as a starter tonight against Victor Zambrano. Zambrano has a 2.49 ERA in the month of June with no home runs allowed. I'd have to bet the under on this one.

LAST DANCE

The Phils are off today, so it's back to my usual off-season dreck.

Former Klansman Edgar Ray Killen was convicted of manslaughter today in Philadelphia, MS for the 1964 killing of three civil rights workers.

All I know is, this can't be helping Six Flags.

COASTAL EROSION

The weekend series with the A's was a chance wasted to pick up some ground on T.F.N. On Friday night, the Phils were more or less back to their home selves, chasing Barry Zito with a five-run seventh and coasting to a 6-1 victory behind the once-again stellar pitching of Robbie Tejeda and the lower rungs of the bullpen. On Saturday, though, they ran themselves out of several run-scoring opportunities en route to a 2-1 loss, and blew a 2-1 lead in the sixth on Sunday to lose 5-2. Jon Lieber lost the Sunday game, and continues to disappoint. He's not keeping the ball down consistently, and he gives up way too many homers. Did somebody just give Kevin Millwood a haircut and a shave and sew Lieber's name on his uniform?

Washington didn't fare much better on their West Coaster, going 3-3, but it was enough to extend their lead from 1.5 to 2.5 games. The Phils returned home last night and will face the Mets starting tomorrow, followed by, for some unknown reason, the Boston Red Sox. T.F.N. play the relentlessly mediocre Pittsburgh Pirates in Pittsburgh starting tonight before heading home to play their erstwhile Canadian rivals the Blue Jays. It looks like we're just going to have to beat Washington ourselves, much like we couldn't do for lo those many years against the Braves.

I hate to mention it this early, but we still maintain a 1.5 game lead over the Atlanta Evil Spawn for the N.L. wild card. While it's not the most advantageous place from which to embark on a playoff journey, the wild card has been popular recently for World Series champs. We'll definitely take it if we can get it.

The Blue Rocks were giving away Johnny Damon bobblehead dolls on Friday, but we arrived far too late to get one. Due to the crowd for the promotion, we ended up sitting in the upper boxes behind home plate, in the middle of a row of a mostly full section, uncomfortably wedged between an incredibly fidgety corporate outing in front of us, two 250-lb. guys who liked to spread themselves out to my right, a family with incessantly yapping teenagers behind us, and some people to my wife's left who didn't bother us but who we still wished weren't there so we'd have some room. The night was also kind of a downer because the Rocks' longtime PA announcer, Johnny McAdams, had passed away the night before. In addition to doing Blue Rocks' games, Johnny Mac was the PA voice of the Palestra, and he's the only PA announcer I've ever known at Frawley Stadium. They played the entire game without any public address during the game in his honor. Johnny Mac's voice was a rich baritone, as smooth as any I've ever heard at a big-league park. I'll especially miss "8 o'clock, Bulova Watch Time" and his signature call of the "The Wilmington Blue Rocks aaaaaaaaaaaand friends" at the beginning of the game when each of the Blue Rocks take their position with a kid from some local little league team. Thanks for everything, Johnny Mac, you'll be dearly missed.

EXTRA WINNINGS

Props to all of you who stayed up to watch the Phils 13-inning 3-2 win on the West Coast on a Thursday night, with "props" in this case meaning "Are you clinically insane?" But hey, a win is a win, any way you can get it. J-Roll kept the contract honeymoon period going with five hits and the winning run-scored. The bullpen, excepting Frenchie, was superb. Even Geoff Geary managed to pick up a win with two hitless innings.

T.F.N. (now with periods!) were off last night, meaning the Phillies deficit is now 2.5 games. Tonight's game is at McAfee Coliseum in Oakland. During the 7th inning stretch, the Jumbotron gets it's virus protection updated and reboots itself. It's quite a party atmosphere. Robbie Tejeda fills in for Wolfie for the first and possibly the last time against his Phan-hoped-for successor, Barry Zito. Zito's presence would certainly raise the attendance of South Philly's single female population at Citizens Bank Park, but I'm not sure what else good it would do. Besides, the surf off the Jersey Shore leaves a lot to be desired, and we already have more mediocre Italian-American singer/guitar players than we need (see Bon Jovi, Jon).

Speaking of McAfee Coliseum (motto: W32/Sober.p@MM is a low profiled virus. Would you like more information?), yours truly will be there in person on Thursday, June 30th, to take in an Athletics/Mariners day game My wife and I are taking a much anticipated vacation to the Bay Area starting next Saturday (maybe just in time for The Big One). Had I bothered to check a schedule, I would have tried to convince my wife to take the trip two weeks earlier. Of course, today is her birthday, and I'm not sure she would want to spend it watching the Phillies in Oakland. I probably made the right call.

We are watching some baseball on her birthday: the Wilmington Blue Rocks. Love that Mr. Celery.

COFFEE TALK

The Phillies leave town and turn back into...the Phillies. After another wretched offensive performance, the Phils find themselves three games back of TFN (see yesterday's post). Padilla allowed a leadoff homer to Mr. Overrated, and gave up what proved to be the winning run later in the first inning mainly because of a ball hit by Richie Sexson that Bobby Abreu so often has trouble with, a deep fly right at the wall. Bobby can never seem to figure out how to feel where the wall is while keeping his eyes on the baseball and then leap at just the right moment and in the right direction. Like last night, he always ends up distancing himself from the fence a few feet and making a desperate lunge in the general direction of the ball, seemingly with his eyes closed. You can understand his desire to protect his multi-million dollar body from crashing into a concrete barrier, but somebody has got to teach him how to make that play. It clanked off his glove for a double, sending Raul Ibanez to third, where he later scored on a Jeremy Reed sac fly. Padilla gave up another homer, to Randy Winn, and the M's tacked on the final two on a Mike Morse homer off Ryan Madson in the 8th for a 5-1 final.

Meanwhile, Ryan Drese, whom the Phillies clobbered so badly last week that he was put on waivers, combined with Chad Cordero for a 4-hit shutout of the Angels. TFN, indeed. We absolutely must win tonight's series finale. Brett Myers faces the awful-so-far Joel Pineiro. No more jet-lag or too many Double Ristretto Venti Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended* excuses. We need this one, guys.

*actual longest possible Starbucks order, as documented on the Internet, so it must be true.

(TOO) LATE SHOW

I hate West Coast swings. Stewart O'Nan, who co-wrote "Faithful" about last year's Red Sox, wrote proudly of staying up until 2 AM on work nights to watch the Old Town Team play Anaheim, Oakland and Seattle. It ain't happening here. I need about 10 hours sleep a night and usually only get seven or eight, and I'm not about to reduce that to 3 or 4 for the sake of this pissant blog. Maybe if Stephen King was co-writing and I had a big advance in my pocket, but that ain't happening either. As it was, the Phils scratched out three hits against the immortal Gil Meche and lost 3-1. Meanwhile, Those F*cking Nationals (trademark pending) won in Anaheim to extend their division lead to two games.

Randy Wolf is headed to Tommy John Country. Maybe he can borrow one of Octavio Dotel's "exceptionally long leg tendons". Both guys are on my Strat team, so you'd think one would help the other. Jeesh. Just when it looked like everything was sunny, a tornado rips off the roof.

The Padilla Flotilla sails tonight against former Red Sock Aaron Sele. Those F*cking Nationals have Rangers' castoff Ryan Drese facing Angels ace Bartolo Colon, so if we can get the bats going again, maybe we can get back to within a game.

My take on the J-Roll signing: Whatever. There isn't anything better in the Phillies price range at shortstop, and as others have noted, Jimmy appears to be at least consistently mediocre at the plate, and pretty good defensively, making the signing very low risk. Unless the Phils have designs on breaking the bank for a Tejada or a Jeter or (I just heard Dave Montgomery's aorta constrict all the way from here) an A-Rod, which is about as likely as J-Roll achieving a .900 OPS, they might as well lock him up. $8 million a year is chump change for a franchise swimming in Citizens Bank Park cash.

NEW ZOO REVUE

The Nationals lost. Finally! The start of their inevitable decline has begun.

Wolfie's hurt. Once again, it's the elbow that disabled him last year for the last month of the season. Robbie Tejeda will step in, but Wade had better get on the phone to move Ryan Howard for an arm, preferably one attached to a starting pitcher (you have to spell these things out for Ed). As with Oogie, even if it's not precisely the guy you want, you may prevent one of the other NL East teams from getting precisely who they want.

Let's talk Ichiro for a bit. I love to watch the guy, but the Wikipedia entry for overrated needs to have his photo. Maybe I'll do that later today, just to see how long it lasts. I love the Internet. Back to Ichiro. His VORP for the last three full seasons and so far in 2005 are listed below:

Year	VORP	Rank Among Right Fielders	Rank Overall
2002	44.6	8th	56th
2003	39.3	12th	70th
2004	80.9	4th	9th
2005	12.8	12th	90th

Compare that to Bobby Abreu:

Year	VORP	Rank Among Right Fielders	Rank Overall
2002	70.4	3rd	18th
2003	53.3	4th	34th
2004	83.8	2nd	7th
2005	39.9	1st	3rd

Now, who should really be getting a ZOOperstar? Bobby outperformed Ichiro in each year of this comparison, often by an embarrassing amount, and yet Ichiro gets to wear his first name on his jersey, gets followed around by a horde of press, and is celebrated wherever he goes. They're both foreign and can barely speak English. Neither one is particularly eloquent in their native language, as far as I can tell. Bobby even had a Miss Universe girlfriend before she cheated on him on Venezuelan reality TV. So what's the deal? Ok, Ichiro has a (insert gun cliche here) for an arm, and he's often spectacular in the field while Bobby sometimes looks slightly inebriated, but still, this comparison is almost laughable in terms of who helps his team win more. And as the PTI guys like to quote Herm Edwards, "We play to win the game."

The ZOOperstars would like to welcome Bobby Crab-reu!

WIE ARE THE WORLD

Just a few quick words. Very, very busy today.

The Phils completed yet another series sweep. The Brewers went down by scores of 5-2 on a David Bell bell-ringer in the 9th, 7-5 behind a strong Randy Wolf outing and some late power from Mr. Burrell, and 6-2 on Cory Lidle's sixth win. I'm not sure what else can be said. This is a team playing at the highest level right now, at least offensively. The damn Nationals are really starting to piss me off. While we win 12 of 13, they win 10 straight. F*ck those rat bastards. I'll say it one more time: they have to collapse eventually. Whimper.

Non-baseball-wise, I saw Michelle Wie on Saturday down at Bulle Rock. She can play a little. I saw her back up a wedge shot on #2 about 15 feet to within a foot of the cup. I've only ever seen male players do that before. She made Julie Inskter stop flapping her yap about Michelle's sponsor exemption by finishing second to Annika. Michelle doesn't quite have Annika's machine-like approach yet, but she has 19 more years to catch up. She's also way too timid at this point. She laid up on #2 from only 205 yards out, which is about a 4 iron for her. Of course, she stuck the wedge on her third shot, so what do I know.

We also caught Judith Owen down in Wilmington at the Clifford Brown Jazz Festival at Rodney Square on Sunday. She wasn't really in her element, but it was a good time nonetheless. It had to be difficult for a freckly-faced Welsh girl to try to win over a bunch of hot, sweaty, mostly small-city jazz enthusiasts with her brand of piano-driven pop music. They had a beautiful grand piano set up for her, which she gratefully acknowledged, and she had her bassist from the Tin Angel show playing stand-up bass as accompaniment. She mostly reprised the Tin Angel show, although it was significantly shorter due to her cross-country travel arrangements, or so she said. I bought her CD and got her to sign it for me this time. She urged me to come to her next area show at World Cafe Live in Philly. That's a fantastic venue. I hope she brings Harry along.