THESE GIRLS ROCK

Well, it was a pretty degrading way to get a sponsor's exemption in the first place.

AND SOMEHOW, I KNOW THEY WANT TO

I love Facebook. Now the girls I was too shy to ask out in high school can keep tabs on the girls I was too shy to ask out in college.

UBUNTU VS WINDOWS 7 - ULTIMATE SMACKDOWN

Yeah, I know you want my take on this. You who never read this.

First, Ubuntu. I love the idea of Ubuntu, but the execution is lacking. The interface is great, installing is great, and the features that come with it are great (OpenOffice, FireFox, a huge library of open source software). Unfortunately, there are three very important things that it can't do for me. One is to recognize and take full advantage of my Asus motherboard with integrated ATI HDMI graphics and sound. When I hook up the Ubuntu PC to my TV, I get no sound. I tried looking for updated drivers, but there were none. There is no version of the ATI Catalyst Control Center that runs on Ubuntu. I can use the alternate speaker output and hook that up to a receiver, but that's not what I wanted. I bought an HDMI motherboard, and I want HDMI, dammit!

Secondly, I can't run Quicken on it. No chance, forget it, na gon do it. Intuit has not signed on to the open source revolution and never will. They have tethered their rope to Microsoft, and that's the end of that. I tried running an old version on one of the many Windows emulators you can download for Ubuntu, but it kept crashing. I gotta have that fresh new feature-rich version of Quicken. Actually, I'm sure I can find a passable alternative in the Ubuntu library, but I'm so used to Quicken and the way it can connect to my bank and download transactions flawlessly that I doubt that anything open source will work as well or as easily.

Thirdly, I am a Strat-O-Matic gamer, and Hal Richman and the incredibly customer-averse boys and girls in Glen Head can't even spell Ubuntu, let alone design a game for it. Windows or Mac are my only options, and why should I spend out the ass for a Mac? I'm not getting an HDMI Mac for under $1,000, while the PC I just bought was $600.

That leaves Windows 7. Wow. Can I repeat that? And more loudly. WOW. Now this is cool. There were absolutely no problems finding the Asus Motherboard drivers during installation and the HDMI worked perfectly the first time. I loaded the ATI Catalyst Control Center from the CD, and it worked fantastically well. I now have 42" of pure Windows 7 satisfaction, baby! If I wanted to run Quicken or Strat, I'm sure I could, although I haven't tried yet. I have those apps running on another Windows PC in my home office right now, and they will probably stay there.

I loaded iTunes and some, er, uh, other software that I use to get movies, and I downloaded a few. I fired the latter up on the new Windows Media Center. The picture and sound were amazing. This is a really nice movie and TV watching system. There is no Boxee for Windows yet, but the one for Ubuntu isn't exactly there yet either, so I'm not missing much. In fact, Boxee for Ubuntu caused my wireless keyboard and mouse to disappear when I tried it.

Probably the best part was when I got MLB.TV running. Come to Jesus! I can now watch the Mets in what is essentially the SNY or WPIX-11 High Def feed. It's virtually indistinguishable from the real thing, aside from some slight pixilation every so often. It'll only take me about 5 years for the computer to pay for itself when you factor the difference between MLB.TV and MLB Extra Innings on cable. Of course, in 5 years, you'll have the option of having MLB.TV beamed directly into your brain, or at least we can hope.

I've been playing around with the rest of Windows 7, and I really like it a lot. It's still Windows, with all those Gatesian annoying quirks, but man is it pretty and fast. You can load little gadgets that have the weather or sports scores, similar to what Ubuntu offers, and personalization is much easier than previous Windows versions. It's completely integrated into the Internet - almost everything you can click takes you to a web site somewhere for help or to download something. The dockable taskbar is way cooler than XP, and I really like the new file explorer. So far, it has run everything I've thrown at it, except for one thing - antivirus and security software. Norton, which is my provider of choice, only has free trial versions that will work with Windows 7, and they expire every two weeks. I glanced at some other options, but I don't want to have multiple subscriptions. I'll just keep uninstalling and installing the trial version until a real version is available. It's a minor inconvenience that I could do without, but at least it is free. This is probably the biggest disappointment so far, and one which Microsoft better get fixed fast, given their horrendous security track record and how entwined Windows 7 is with the web.

Verdict - if you have an HDTV, get a new computer, and get Windows 7. It works with every imaginable kind of hardware, it's super fast and reliable, and Windows Media Center is great. And grab an old laptop or a netbook and run Ubuntu to do your main surfing and e-mail so the viruses can't get you.

WHEN WILL THEY EVER GRADUATE? AND WILL THAT HELP?

Overheard from the guy who spends all day in the hallway on his cell phone counseling his kids at college:

Dropping a class at this point...

All the summer classes are full.

After my first year...

This is what John would do, he'd take the summer and transfer the grade, kna' mean?

It's a long summer, grant you, but it gets two necessary classes out of the way...

You gotta do it, you gotta do it...

It doesn't have to be next summer, but it'll be some summer.

When he gets it done doesn't matter.

Literature probably doesn't matter either way.

He's got six of those.

Any two literatures, doesn't matter.

It's the right thing to do.

Not five weeks of overlap, kna' mean?

"I've seen it, OK, I've seen it, OK."

Same book, same lab, plus what you got, plus what you kept, kna' mean?

"I gotta have it."

If for some reason, the ball isn't going your way, you don't get all six...

It's already been approved.

I know, but so what? So what?

You understand my point, though?

etc.

I hope this kid doesn't need marriage counseling in a few years.

NORTH TO...ZZZZZZ

I just stepped off a red-eye flight from Honolulu to Anchorage, the two most dissimilar cities with regular air service in this or any other possible universe. I'm sitting in the Ted "Free At Last" Stevens International Airport at the Era Aviation gate, which is about as comfortable as getting waterboarded by Henry Rollins. The hard, unforgiving plastic chairs are one thing, but the instrumental music that sounds like the soundtrack to a Kirk Cameron-directed remake of a Sergio Leone movie brings things to a whole other level.

Ha! I just noticed the "Monetize" tab in Blogger. If I had had that back in 2002 when this here web-a-log started, I might have, oh, 27 cents by now. It's a good thing I have an engineering degree. If I had to live off writing, I'd be...well, I probably wouldn't be sitting in a Marquis De Sade-designed airport waiting area in fucking Anchorage. Maybe I should do some rethinking.

The wilds of Kenai await! And that's just the Safeway. Those people in there are crazy.

MAUKA FRONT BLOGGING

Yeah, they put me facing the mountain this trip. I'm here in Oahu over the weekend, staying until Thursday night. I just got done with a turnaround here, and then I take a 6 hour flight to Anchorage and work another turnaround in Kenai. Finally I get to go home on May 8th, where my wife has something landscaping-related that is as bad as a turnaround planned for me, I'm sure.

Disney is busy building something here, which I can see out my window. It's right where the Pro Bowlers used to practice before Commissar Goodell moved the game to Miami. Apparently, it will be a hotel and condo development to compete with the JW Marriott Ihilani and the Marriott Beach Club. Cool! I hope we get a rate decrease, though somehow I doubt it. I'll definitely have to try it, assuming the rates are similar, and there's no reason they shouldn't be. Mickey don't get no premiums in Hawaii, brah.

We'll be moving into our new building in June. It has a Starbucks. I may be broke (and leaking hazelnut syrup from several orifices) by 2010.

"Little Dorrit" continues on PBS tonight. And I came 4,000 miles to see it!

OCEANFRONT BLOGGING

I am back at the Ihalani for like the 12th time. I now have enough Marriott points to buy a Sony Blu-Ray surround sound system with wireless speakers, but I will probably end up listening to my wife and blowing it on a vacation to the new JW Marriott that they are building two miles from my house. That pretty much sums up my life in a broad stroke. "We don't even have to board the dogs!" Yes, I know, honey, we don't have to board the dogs. Sigh.

The estimable proprietors of this here resort have seen fit to honor me with an ocean view room. This is the best room I've ever had here. I can see the main lagoon and parts of the other ones, plus the pool. If only it was a tad lower, the better to gawk at the wahine, but I shouldn't complain. Maybe I'll go to WalMart and buy some cheap binoculars.

I am still getting over my colorectal whatsis surgery, which still hurts like a mother when certain waste products pass through it. I took the remaining Vicodin from my surgical prescription with me just in case, but I haven't taken any. I'm thinking of going down to Waikiki and seeing what the tourists will pay me for it (and then buying some really good binoculars, perhaps).

Tomorrow my colleague and I undertake the task of loading the world's most confusing software on the control system out here. I'm scheduled for a week, but I am secretly hoping it takes longer now that I am in this room. Whoops! Missed a step, have to start all over! Damn!

Maybe I will post some more. Maybe not. Refresh often! Or don't!

THAT CAN'T BE GOOD

I knew we were in an economic crisis, but I had no idea it was affecting the sun! Does this mean we can forget about global warming now?

A.B.B. - BARACK OBAMA

Good luck and Godspeed, President-Elect Obama. You're gonna need it.

ANOTHER DAY ON THE ROCK

I'm writing in here only because it's too early to go to bed. I'm in Hawaii, and there is nothing on television. All the college football games are over, the ALCS Game 6 is done, and regular TV on Oceanic Time Warner Cable (are we all on a giant houseboat or something?) is hopeless. There is this one show worth watching called "Wahine Blue", on the Ocean Network, which consists almost entirely of footage of young local girls surfing, but it's not on right now. And I can only watch it so much, if you know what I mean.

I think I'll head over to Hulu and watch a few episodes of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". In glorious Lo-Def, with constant buffering because of my crappy Internet connection. I love this job!

A.B.B. 20

I think I have that right. It's been a while since I did an A.B.B., and not much has happened...har! It's about two hours before I have to go to bed, and I have nothing else to do, so let's have a look at the race. Wow, 20 days. Freaking unbelievable.

BARACK OBAMA

I think he's gonna win. I will probably blow it for him by publishing this, but he's successfully navigated the Scylla, Charybdis, and whatever the third debate can be compared to (the Santa Maria?), and he didn't start foaming at the mouth or chanting Koran verses, so he's the man to beat. Everybody in the media is trotting out the Bradley Effect, which was specious to begin with, and saying that white people will get the willies when they hit the voting booth, but I'm not buying it. I sure didn't get even one willy (willie?), and trust me, I am very, very white - almost ghostly. I can't believe he's ahead in Ohio AND Florida, and he might even have a shot in West By Gosh Virginia ("Almost Heavin'") , as my friend and former Mountaineer Stater Ziggy liked to say.

JOHN MCCAIN

Poor John. He's not a bad guy, and he's got a great sense of humor, but events have overtaken him. He was revealed as the incompetent leader he is when he a) picked Sarah "The Moose Whisperer" Palin as his running mate, and b) called a time-out (and ducked David Letterman) when the banking system tanked. Either or perhaps both of those choices will go down in history, like Michael Dukakis' snoopy helmet, as the turning point in what might have been a winning effort. I'm sorry, John. Go back to the Senate, and keep up that maverick spirit. And stay out of the Arizona sun, for crying out loud, you with the 47 melanomas.

Sarah, my dear, you should go back to Alaska and not come back until you're fully baked.

There you have it. Barring an October/very early November surprise (and you know the GOP will try their damnedest), that's it for A.B.B. I'll be back on November 5th, or whenever the Republican lawyers give up the fight (God forbid), to proclaim who the Anybody is.

THE FRANCHISE

Texas actually sent me my absentee ballot. I take back every nasty thing I ever said about them. Except for the part about George W. Bush and Karla Faye Tucker, and anything Clayton Williams ever said. And the fact that they are overrun with stinking Aggies. But other than that, they're OK in my book.

I have voted. So don't blame me.

HEY, IT'S WORKING

So, I didn't fail the test, obviously. I'm glad I gave up trying to chronicle the Mets' inevitable collapse, although the real reason I abruptly stopped blogging was that my domain name was discovered by a certain other person that I live with. I have dropped the domain name, and we're flying with the slash now, baby.

Yes, that means NO ONE will ever find this little journal, but that's cool. I don't intend to ever add much to it. It'll be pretty much back to normal, where entries will come when you least expect them, or want them. And since you won't be reading them anyway, what difference does it make?

See you (probably) never. Man, Russell Martin looks so much like Turtle.

THIS IS ONLY A TEST

I'm testing. I think I'll fail.

CAN ANYONE HERE CLOSE THIS GAME?

I just got back from work, and I'm sitting in the hotel lounge while my room is being cleaned. I almost escaped at about 1:45 pm, but I kept getting sucked back in, and missed today's entire game. I see that the Mets won, but only because they happened to be playing the wretched Padres.

Chase Headley started the scoring in the 2nd with his second homer in as many at-bats, this one off Johan. You'll recall the last one was off Eddie "Never-ever-allowed-a-homer-oh-never mind" Kunz. The Mets scratched across a couple of tallies in the 4th on RBI singles by Danny Murphy and Nick Evans. The lead was extended to 3-1 in the 6th on an Evans sac fly scoring Murphy.

The Padres got one of those annoying, foreshadowing, ticky-tack runs in the 8th off Santana, Duaner Sanchez, and Pedro Feliciano. Actually, it should have been much worse, but Joe Smith relieved Feliciano and got a huge double play ball from Kevin Kouzmanoff to keep it to only one run.

Scottie Schoeneweis started the 9th, apparently because the switch-hitting Headley was leading off. Headley flied out, but then new Met Killer Jody Gerut stepped up and hit his third homer of the series to tie the game at 3-3. Aaron Heilman was summoned at that point, because we all know Eddie Kunz gives up a home run in EVERY game he pitches. With the pressure off, Heilman easily retired the final two hitters to give the Mets a chance to win it in the 9th.

Former Met Heath Bell relieved for San Diego. I still don't get why you wouldn't use your closer on the road in this situation. It seems to be a universal rule that all managers follow, but it doesn't make sense, and I've seen it come up wrong on numerous occasions. I say, get the three outs in the 9th, try to go ahead in the 10th, and then take your chances. The conventional wisdom is take your chances in the 9th, then try to go ahead in the 10th and have the closer ready to finish things off. But if the 9th inning guy blows it, you've left your best bullet in the chamber. Why would you send up a lesser pitcher with the game tied instead of possibly sending him in there with a lead? I'd rather give him a one-run cushion. If he gives up one run, you are still playing. In the conventional wisdom, if he gives up a run, you lose. Or, you could let your closer even pitch another inning if he feels good.

In any event, Heath Bell got two outs before serving up a fat one to David Wright, who atoned for yesterday's error with a two-run homer to win the ball game. Meanwhile, Trevor Hoffman didn't break a sweat.

Florida has beaten the Phillies, and the Mets are now two games out. And Eddie Kunz has allowed one career home run.

NEVER ENDING

No sooner than Howie Rose had mentioned that new Mets reliever phenom Eddie Kunz had never yielded a home run in his two-year professional career, Chase Headley hit one into the Flushing night. Some things you need to keep to yourself, Howie.

Well, this is the Majors, and Kunz's feat had been achieved in what is quite aptly called the Minors. Looking at the Mets lineup lately, there appear to be more players that belong in the latter rather than the former, and even though the entire Padres team should be toiling in the Pacific Coast League, they still beat the Mets 4-2.

Jody Gerut repeated his feat from his previous at-bat off Aaron Heilman and homered on the first pitch from Petey to make it 1-0. Brian Giles thought that looked like fun and hit an even longer homer one batter later to make it 2-0. The Mets answered with a triple by Danny Murphy, who may be a fugitive of Boston's Irish mafia a la "The Departed", and a David Wright grounder mishandled by second baseman Edgar Gonzalez. New York tied it at 2-2 in the 5th when Murphy, who patiently waited for Jose Reyes to steal second, smacked a single into right to score Jose. I was driving back from my brother's house in Rhode Island when this happened, and it was right about then that Howie Rose opened his big fat yap about Eddie Kunz.

I arrived at my hotel right about the time the Padres took the lead for good. Pedro Feliciano had relieved Petey in the 7th with Luis Rodriguez on third, and nearly escaped from the jam after striking out Gerut. He got Giles to ground to third, but Wright botched the play and Rodriguez scored. I didn't hear what happened because of the static on WFAN, but after hearing that Wright made yet another error, I wasn't surprised. I tried to follow the rest of the game on ESPN GameCast, but the crappy hotel internet connection wouldn't allow it. The first thing I did when I got up morning was to check the line to see if Kunz had in fact given up a homer. Nice one, Howie.

Man, I can't wait to get home. Red Sox Nation is totally screwing with my Mets fandom mojo. The Phillies of course won, so now we're three back again. We finish up with the Padres with an afternoon game before hosting Florida over the weekend. We need this game, Johan. And Eddie Kunz has now allowed a home run in EVERY GAME he's ever pitched in the Majors. There, I said it.

MEDICAL BILL

Uh-oh. Billy Wagner is on the 15-day DL with arm problems. They still beat the atrocious San Diego Padres last night 6-5, but only because Aaron Heilman wasn't allowed to blow his first chance to finish a game in Billy's absence. Scottie Schoeneweis had to do the honors after Heilman allowed yet another multi-run homer, this time a three-run job by Jody Gerut. Even so, Jerry Manuel has proclaimed Heilman the closer for the indefinite future. We are doomed.

In better news, Fernando Tatis hit two homers last night, and we needed both of them, plus a couple of tack-on runs driven home by Danny Murphy and Nick Evans. Meanwhile, while guys making near the minimum win games, Omar is probably trying to figure out how to pay Luis Castillo even more money.

The Phillies were smoked by the Marlins, so everybody moved up a game. We're two back, with two left against the Pads. The Phils have a three-game set this weekend with the Pirates, who have exchanged the Jolly Roger for a white flag for 2008 after some high profile trades, but then have to travel to the West Coast. We get Florida at home, a makeup game with the Bucs, the Nats in Washington, and then a series at Pittsburgh. Now, if we had a closer, we could maybe make up some ground. You have to know Omar is thinking, "Is Armando Benitez available?"

BROCKTON BLUES

I go to Brockton, MA, and the Mets start sucking again. Here's the rundown:

Monday: Mets take a 3-2 lead into the 8th, and Joe Smith and Scottie Schoeneweis decide that they don't want to win today. Five runs later, the Mets don't.

Tuesday: Good Oliver shows up and stymies the Marlins, Mets win 4-1. This will be the last good Mets game for a while. I'm still waiting, in fact.

Wednesday: Marlins 7, Mets 5. Mike Pelfrey gives up a 5-spot in the 4th, and the Mets never quite recover.

Friday: Oh, brother. The Mets load the bases with none out against the Ed Wade Dis-Astros in the 7th with the score tied at 3-3 and fail to score. The Dis-Astros load the bases with none out in the eighth and Aaron Heilman gives up a granny to Mark Loretta.

Saturday: Daddy Wags craps the bed against his former team, giving up two runs in the ninth to blow a 4-2 lead. Houston wins it in the 10th, 5-4.

Sunday: Randy Freaking Wolf and four relievers shut out the Mets 4-0 to give Houston their first Mets sweep in 15 years.

I need to get home soon, apparently. The Mets find themselves three games back and in 3rd place behind Florida. San Diego comes to town tomorrow. We have to beat them, right? Right?

BYE, ALBERT, AND DON'T COME BACK

That would be the rampaging Albert Pujols and his Bat of Doom, of course. The Mets would have a three game sweep of the Cards if not for Albert, but then, a lot of things would be better for the Mets if not for Albert.

I'm in Red Sox Nation for a business trip (I cleared customs with only the obligatory hour wait on the tarmac at Logan), so we'll dispense with the usual prose and go to a quick game recap.

Friday: Mike Pelfrey goes seven and allows only one run in a convincing 7-2 victory. Delgado and the Other Reyes went deep.

Saturday: Hail to Albert, and to Skip Schumaker, whoever he is. Skip had six hits and Albert had five in a 14-inning thriller. Albert's final hit may still be in low earth orbit. He hit it off an exhausted Aaron Heilman in the 14th to give the Cards a 10-8 win. The Mets had erased two earlier deficits of 4-0 and 8-5, so I can't complain much. Just too much Albert.

Sunday: Our somewhat less formidable answer to Albert, Johan, went the route and the Mets whupped on Kyle Lohse for a 9-1 laugher. Fernando Tatis hit his second homer in two days. I suppose we have to give Omar his due here. Fernando Tatis would not have been my first, second, or 867th choice to replace Moises Alou.

We start up with Florida, who is hanging in there in the division race. Philly took two of three from Atlanta to stay one back, and now gets to beat up on the Nats. After that, Albert will be the Phillies' problem, and they can have him.

FIRST PLACE, BARELY

We should be three games ahead. We should be three games ahead. We should be three games ahead!

Sorry, I can't get that thought out of my brain. I realize that this is self-defeating and not helpful in any way, but still, WE SHOULD BE THREE GAMES AHEAD! Ok, never mind.

The Mets won game three against the Wife Beaters with a clutch two-out, two-run double in the 8th from my new best friend, Carlos Delgado. Dude is raking. Yeah, I know, I called him an embarrassment and washed up. It was just my motivational techniques! Well, it would be if he read this. The Good Oliver Perez showed up as well yesterday afternoon, yielding a solo homer by Jayson Werth as his only major blemish in seven and two-thirds innings. Wags was sharp again to get his 26th save in a 3-1 final.

The Cards come to Shea for three games starting tonight. Their pitching staff is looking pretty ratty, and they just fell behind the Brewers in the wild-card race. It's as good a time as any to see them, although they will have Phat Albert. They'll throw Kyle Lohse on Sunday, who the Mets couldn't touch the last time they faced him. This will make tonight's and Saturday's games critical. We have some guy named Brandon Knight (another Baseball Witness Protection Program player?) pitching on Saturday. He was torched pretty good while he was with the Yankees back in 2001 and 2002, but he has a 1.60 ERA this season with the Zephyrs. I'm not sure why he is a better option than Tony Armas, Jr., but Jerry Manuel has a 14-3 record in his last 17 games, so I suppose we should trust him.

And, also, we should be three games ahead. Really.