GOTTA KEEP THAT #1 GOOGLE RANKING SOMEHOW



Three lousy (and I mean lousy) D.C. sniper jokes, and I'm no. 1 on the Google rankings. Frankly, you people are sick for even looking up something like that. Here's some more!



TOP 10 LEAST EFFECTIVE TACTICS USED BY CHIEF MOOSE TO CATCH THE SNIPER



10. Inviting sniper over to police barracks for tarot reading.

9. Invoking county-wide weapons-for-arrest-and-death-penalty exchange.

8. Setting up glass bottles and tin cans around gas stations as a distraction.

7. Donning British Bobby's hat and shouting "What's all this then?" at top of lungs whenever someone gets shot.

6. Uri Geller.

5. Leaving enormous bags of unmarked currency in the woods throughout Northern Virginia.

4. Appearing on MSNBC at all, ever.

3. Hanging up on FBI repeatedly while getting makeup done.

2. Going to the ballistics lab and saying constantly, "I hope you guys don't go ballistic on me!"



And the No. 1 least effective tactic used by Chief Moose to catch the sniper is:



1. Getting up and going to work every morning.